Heart Transplant Update

So--G. is home from the hospital. He came home exactly 1 week from the time he went in for the transplant. Amazing--truly amazing. It turns out that the donor was in fabulous physical condition. The heart was extremely strong. The doctors said it was much better than the one he would have gotten the week we had the "false alarm."

It is still strange that it has actually happened. He was sick for so long, and we were waiting for so long, and now it is just DONE. He is doing so great. He feels good, he is recovering great. He was only on the ventilator for a matter of hours! That is really outstanding, because the other two times he was on it, he had a really hard time getting weaned off. The tubes came out quickly, he started eating and moving around within a day or 2, and he was ready to go home. He didn't have any trouble with the anesthesia making him confused or anything. In fact, around day 4 I called my mom to check on him, and I was telling her about a smell in my kitchen. She let me talk to G, and he told me where it was probably coming from and how to fix it--he was right!

So, all in all, a GREAT WEEK!!!!! My sister, J., made it to Texas before the surgery was even over. She stayed until Sunday, and I think that helped my mom more than anything else could have. I think J's personality and style were exactly what my mom needed at that moment! I am going this Sunday and will be there a few days. He is doing so well, that basically I will be a shuttle driver. He has lots of rehab appointments, and he can't drive for a while (imagine that!)

This will be the first time I have ever left my kids, except to go to the hospital to have more kids! Even then, I saw them everyday--we just slept in different places. I have gone to Poland twice, but both times I saw them in the morning, and then saw them the following evening. It will probably be a little hard for me. They will do fine, of course! S. is taking the week off of work to stay home with them, so that makes it so much easier to go. It isn't that I have just REFUSED to leave them, I just haven't had the opportunity before.

We don't live close to family that I can leave them with for the weekend or whatever. I don't want to go away when someone comes to visit us, or we go visit them, because I want to see them too. So, it just hasn't happened. Any vacation that we've been on we take the kids with us, and I've never been on a "girls getaway" or whatever. So, I think this is a good first time, because I won't feel like I am being frivilous and wasting time and money that I can spend with and on them.

Anyway--that's the update. All is well (except for the + instead of -. See Below.)

Down in the Dumps. . .Up at the Scales

So. . .for the last two weeks, at my WW weigh ins, I have gotten + instead of -. That means GAIN weight instead of lose. Booooooo!!! I am really frustrated because last week I expected it, because I hadn't worked very hard. This week, I did work hard, and gained anyway. I am feeling like I may as well just accept the fact that I will never be a thin person. I'm going to be fat forever. I am so angry and sad that I don't know what to do. What would I tell someone else in my position? All of the cliched things that you say when you want to be supportive. How much would that help? None. Nothing will make me less sad about it right now. I decided today that I am going to walk in a half marathon in January. I am not ready to run one, although I have been running a lot lately. My friend, L., is going to walk it, so I am going to walk with her. I am trying to think about that right now instead of the fact that there is cookie dough in my freezer and I should just go eat every damn bit of it!

The Surgery

At 12:30 pm yesterday, my mom called and said they were on the way to the hospital. There was another donor, and a surgery time was set for 4:30. It is two hours later there than here, so that was only 2 hours away! Apparently all of the matching stuff was completed (maybe they saved the blood they had drawn and xrays from last week--I don't know.) Anyway--all they had to do was a final check to ensure that they heart was in good condition.

The donor was a 36 year old car accident victim. It makes me want to throw up to think about. Just a little older than me. . . probably married. . . probably small kids. I can't think about it.

So, my mother was very calm. She had good friends and family with her. She stayed calm until the doctor called several times for them to move G. to the operating room, and the people in the room were continuing to mess with his monitor. She finally yelled at them that there was no need for a monitor. Since he had an LVAD, they couldn't shock him if his heart stopped anyway, so LET'S GO. (I called right about that time and she sounded like a soldier!)

They started the surgery at about 6:45. At 11, I talked to my mother and G. was off of the bypass machine. They still had some repair work to do from the LVAD and they would stay in the operating room for a while to continue to check all the systems, but the heart was pumping on its own! (I still keep saying "the heart"--at what point is it "his heart"? I don't know. . .strange thoughts. . .)

A while later, I'm not sure when because I think I fell asleep, J. called and told me it was over and he was in recovery. (She arrived at the airport at 11:30 and had made it to the hospital by then) She said he was fine, still sedated and they would call today.

So, after all the craziness and mad dashes for the airport, it's over. Now what? I don't know. It's weird. He's been a heart patient for so long (I guess he still will be, but in a totally different way) I'm not sure that they will know how to act! We shall see I guess.

Please continue to pray for the donor's family. I don't know if we will get further information on him/her or not. I would like to, just because that part seems to be very difficult for me, but I believe it is up to them if they want to know G. or not. (They may not be allowed to at all, I don't know what the rules are.)

Thanks for your prayers and support. I am not sure when I am going there, or which kids I will take with me. I'll let you know!

Crazy Mom

Do you suppose that children are born with the ability to detect their mothers' crazy buttons? I mean, how is it that they are so PERFECTLY able to choose the exact moment that misbehavior will make me nuts? Today was one of those days. It actually was only one of those evenings--the rest of the day was fine. And really, it is my own fault. . .but still (hear the whining in my voice??)

R. had a playdate at our house with some kids from his preschool class. That was fun, but I didn't realize how late it was until S. got home from work. What I had intended to make for dinner would take 1 1/2 hours to cook, and we were all starving. So, we went out to eat. That made me mad at myself because I made bad choices and ate a LOT of garlic bread, so I was testy.

From there, we went to Mervyns, because R. has no pants that fit him. He needs to ones with the tabs inside the waist, because he keeps getting longer, but not wider (much like his older brother--much UNLIKE his mother). Anyway--R. and J. came in with me. N. and S. went to Sports Authority to get a new soccer ball (we are getting WAY into soccer these days).

So, the two small children, whom I thought were tired enough to be compliant, suddenly got bursts of energy and were sprinting through the store in opposite directions. Hiding in clothes racks, pulling things off shelves. . .etc. Of course, I am MAD because I want to get the stupid pants and go home and sleep. And, I am freaking out, because my brain is still German enough to be scared to death of my children being kidnapped in public places in America. So, I am crazily chasing them, and trying to take advantage of the GREAT sales.

S. calls on the cell phone to tell me they found a soccer ball for $10. I, frankly, could care less. I hang up and continue chasing. When S. and N. come through the door I actually say "I have never been closer to physical violence with those children than I am right now." I then walk completely away. I have no idea if S. can even see them, although I do see N. sliding on his knees down the walkway. Lovely. Nice addition to the rack hide 'n' go seek game!

In the car, R. starts complaining that he is hungry. I just about hit the roof, because he had to be FORCED to eat 3 bites of his dinner. (It was excellent pizza--no excuses!) He is still asking for food or milk or whatever when we get home. No no no no no. If you don't eat dinner, you don't get to fill up on junk or milk. You get only water until breakfast (I don't want to hear it--especially from my parents who are cracking up right now at the thought of the payback I am getting for my childhood eating habits--just hush!) So, he cries.

J. is crying for who knows why. So, I go up to check on him, and he pukes all over the place. 3 times. Great. Stick him in the tub. R. stops crying because he wants to get in the bath too. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED BECAUSE I AM CERTAIN THAT THERE IS CHOCOLATE SOMEWHERE IN THIS HOUSE WAITING TO BE CONSUMED BY ME!!

Everyone gets out, gets PJs on, and then they start "Mommy, can you sleep with me?" This question literally makes me want to pull my hair out because they say it so much. In fact, my response to them was "That question makes me want to pull my hair out." Why do they even have their own rooms? Or their own beds? I may have lost some weight, but I am still not getting a good night's sleep when I am sharing a twin bed with a squirmy 3 year old &/or his older or younger brother!

So--the last thing my kids hear me say before they go to bed is "No--I want to sleep in my own bed by myself!" Great. I suck. SUCK SUCK SUCK! On a normal basis, my response is "I'll lay down with you until you go to sleep and then I'm going to sleep in my room." I'm sure that is not the right way to handle it, but it is kinder than today's response. Today I suck.

Cool Weekend

We had a pretty fun filled, busy weekend!

First, on Friday night, we went to a chili cookoff at church. Our friend L. entered chili named "World's Most Expensive Chili!" Can you believe it had 7 1/2 pounds of ribeye steak in it? It was really good. . .she didn't win from the judges (no taste, I guess--how could a native Texan not win a chili cookoff??) But, she did get third place in People's Choice!

Some of the people (including the entrants) had never been to a chili cookoff or even HEARD of one! Crazy! It is a staple fall event in small towns across the Lone Star State! I love them and miss them A LOT! S. remembers going to a chili cookoff with my grandfather and he helped cook! The cooking pot was so big that they stirred with axe handles!

Anyway--the church chili cookoff seemed to be a success. We had a good time--even though it poured down rain for a few minutes. We were all able to get inside and no one was the worse for wear! The cowboy theme was, of course, embraced by R. who plans to be a cowboy when he grows up. J. participated too, but only due to force from his mother. He was NOT thrilled with the "get up" I put on him!

On Saturday, we got up early to go to the Air Show at the Marine base. As soon as we got to the parking lot, a light drizzle started. By the time we were getting the kids out of the car, it was raining. We weren't totally prepared, but we had some emergency blankets and ponchos, so we wrapped the kids, stuck them in the stroller and started walking toward the flight line. A few hundred yards into the hike, it started POURING! S. stopped and said "You need to make a decision. I don't mind to get wet, but if you are going to want to go back, let's go now." N. was having none of that. He immediately said he was going to see the planes and kept walking. We followed and a few minutes later, the clouds broke and the sun was shining.

It turned out to be a great day! We found the Army guys and hung out with them for a while. The kids did push ups with one of the recruiters, and he gave them Tshirts (he gave me one too, and I didn't have to do any pushups! He must have looked at me and known immediately there was no chance I would ever make it in the Army so no need to waste his time! The kids, however, are prime recruiting targets!)

They got to go through the virtual trainer, and our friends, the chili cookin' C. family, joined us and they went through too. They also got Tshirts (they had to do pushups for them too--daughter #1, at 12 years old and with a broken finger did 35!!!!)

We went to the grandstands to watch the Golden Knights jump (AWESOME) and then came out and got their autographs! (Another cool note--by the time we got there, the grandstands were full. There was one section that was roped off, but it was for USAA members! Since we had our card, we got to sit there! (I love that company--not just for that, but it WAS cool!)

After that, we walked around some more and the kids climbed on vehicles, held some weapons, and tried on equipment. They made a cute helicopter crew! Finally, we went back to the grandstands and watched the Blue Angels! REALLY REALLY COOL!!!! Scary, loud, and TOTALLY AMAZING!!!

The only down thing about the day was that early in the day the soccer association said that all the games were cancelled, so we didn't rush back for N.'s game at 3pm. Apparently, some time in the day, they changed that and the game was played. I feel really bad about it, because I should have checked with the coach and I didn't. I know that it isn't a professional game or anything, but I feel like I let N. and his team down.

So--Saturday evening we went to a birthday party for our friends' little girl, and then Sunday was church and AWANA. Both boys earned awards at AWANA, and S. and I had a great dinner with our friend, J.

All together, a lovely weekend!

More Photos. . .

It stopped letting me add photos to the last post, I thought maybe it was because I had too many--so here goes with some more!

Beach Boys!

I have no idea where this is from--but R. looks like he had a really good time!

These Boys. . .

I just wanted to put some pics up of the kids, because I haven't in a while, and they are just too darn cute!
This is N's heritage doll. They were supposed to dress it in the traditional clothing of their ancestors. My family is basically English with a little Irish and Scottish thrown in on my mom's side. S.'s family is from everywhere across the continent of Europe. Seriously! So, we settled on Scotland, since it was easiest to identify "traditional clothing." I am aware that it looks a little femine, but you have to admit, it is pretty cool. Can you see the bagpipes in the photo? (The other disturbing part is that you can SEE THROUGH THE KILT! At least THIS Scot wears SOMETHING under his--I've heard that isn't always the case! ha ha!) Also--he is not wearing earrings--the white part is where I messed up the photo trying to cut out his ears!

N. with his friend R.--last day of kindergarten last year

J. and his girlfriend in the playhouse during N's birthday party this summer. Doesn't it just look like a grown up couple in the kitchen--one trying to cook and the other giving instructions!

The simple beauty of this child's smile will never cease to amaze me!

False Alarm/Dry Run

At 11:30 today I got a call from my stepsister, B. She said "I just got a call. There is a donor. Your mom is headed to the hospital from work, and my dad said he is fine to drive himself, so he is on the way there."
The next few hours were quite harried. I cried when I thought of the donor's family. I cried when I thought of my mom in that hospital waiting area alone (she's NOT--my brother is there, my aunt is on her way, chuch people, etc.--but I'M NOT THERE!)
I talked to my mom and she seemed fine. She said she was happy, which was a relief to me, because she has been really freaked out by the idea of this surgery. G. arrived at the hospital while I was on the phone and I talked to him for a few minutes. Then, I called my sister back and told her to call my mom's cell right away so she could reach her dad. (He never answers his--I think it's because he can't hear it ring.) I called my brother to be sure my mom had called him.
All of this is going on while I was driving down the interstate to take R. to have his stitches out. (STOP YELLING AT ME--I don't normally do that--this is a crisis situation we're talking about and I used a hands free device--sheesh!)
I began desperately trying to come up with a way to get to Dallas. Turns out, there is no affordable way. B & J found some tickets for them and for me, we would link up in LA and continue on from there. The tickets were $411. I have to buy 2, since the little kids are going with me, so it may as well have been $4000. I just don't have it. Southern California is lots of nice things--but cheap AIN'T one of 'em. (Notice the accent comes out in times of stress--even in typing!)
My friend L, cried because I wouldn't let her buy me the tickets. She called a few minutes later and said they had enough airline miles to buy us the tickets. When I told her that her husband might need to use those miles to go somewhere she said "I'm never letting him going anywhere!" She really and truly would buy those tickets for me without blinking an eye, just because she is a giving person. It made me cry that she even offered. I just couldn't let her do it.
Next, my next door neighbor said her daughter works for Southwest Airlines and she might have some employee passes we could use. She jumped up to go in and call her before she left work, and right about that time B. called back.
False alarm. Something wasn't compatible. She wasn't sure what, but she had to hang up and cancel tickets and babysitters and everything else, and try to make it to her room mom meeting (and there are people who say stay home moms don't work!)
After many calls back and forth across the country (God bless the fact that calls between Cingular cell phones are free!!) I basically got this information. One of the antibodies reverted. What the hell does that mean? It means that at the very very last minute (they had already signed the surgery consent and the nurses had drawn 22 vials of blood, but not shaved his chest) something didn't match up. It seems like they could check all that ahead of time, and for the most part they do. But, there is always a chance that something will screw it up at the last minute. One antibody didn't like the heart. Thank God they have a way to test for that. Anyway--his doctor tried to talk them into it, but the transplant team held firm. That is their job. It is for the protection of the patient, and to prevent the "waste" of the heart.
So--it is a lot like a space shuttle launch. You think that the only thing that can delay it is weather, which is easy to detect way ahead of time, but in reality, there are billions of tiny details that can throw it off.
The good news is, we all got a little practice at what this will be like. We learned what did not work, and as my sister said "We need a new plan, because our plan SUCKED!" She was referring to the fact that we couldn't figure out how to get there, which kids to take with us, etc. So--we are working on that (If anyone has any connections for cheap airline tickets--I could really use the info!!)
The other thing we learned is that it is REALLY GOOD that they called us when they got the first call. Originally, they were only going to call once they were sure and headed in. We learned today that those few hours in between gave us some adjustment time that we all definitely needed. If that call at 11:30 had been, "They're shaving my chest, talk to you on the other end," we would have all freaked out. We freaked out anyway, but at least by the next phone call we were settled a little.
So--now I am rambling because I am still not sure how to digest the whole concept that someone I know is having a transplant--a HEART transplant, and now it is literally going to happen within days. They have done 3 there this week and it is only Tuesday. Whoa. Keep prayin'!

Details on the heat transplant list

Ok--so this is what has happened. My stepdad, G., now has an LVAD. I wish I knew how to make those link things, so I could send you to the post where I detailed what that is, but I don't. Sorry. Anyway--it is a machine that replaces part of his heart that he wears on a belt. Nice, huh?
Anyway--there were some stitches left in that should have been removed a LONG time ago. They became infected. Not good. A person cannot get a transplant when they have an infection--we thought. Turns out, that is only the case when the infection is systemic. So--they put him on antibiotics. The infection continued to get worse. At this point, he is on IV antibiotics 4 times per day. So, the other day, the IV doc determined that they cannot take him off of the antibiotics or the infection will become systemic. But, if he stays on them for a long time, it will begin to affect his liver, kidneys, etc. In fact, his renal function is slightly altered already.
So, the choices are: 1) Take out the LVAD and put in a new one or 2) do the transplant. Although it sounds nuts, the LVAD is actually a MUCH more complicated, critical procedure. It actually took about 5 1/2 months for G. to be back to a normal functioning human being after his was put in. So, the doctors determined that this situation makes him a critical need for a heart. Everything else works great, so he is an ideal transplant candidate. They don't want to put that at risk by staying on the antibiotics forever, and the alternative is to get off of them and then, basically, an infection would kill him.
So--while I always thought that anyone on the "A" list was at death's door, counting the seconds in the hospital, racing the clock (and that is usually the case) that is not what is happening here. It is a race, because he needs to be off the antibiotics soon, but for now, he is basically stable.
It is never easy to say when the transplant will come. The heart has to match, and there have to be donors available (which is not as common as you might think). But, eventually it will come. And that means that someone will die. Some family will lose their loved one. It will likely be someone young, and it will probably be an unexpected, traumatic death (auto accident or something.) It is horrible to think of. I don't pray for him to get a heart. I know that will evenutally happen. I just pray for the donor's family, because right now, this minute, they don't know it is coming. And then it will suddenly just be there. They will have to make that decision. I pray that they have discussed it, and that everyone knows the person's wishes, so it won't be something they have to decide in the middle of their shock and grief. Keep it in your prayers, please.
Also--I tell everyone I know or meet this: When I die, if you can, DONATE EVERYTHING THEY CAN TAKE. My corneas, my lungs, my skin--everything. Help as many people as you can. I don't do much to contribute to society, but I want to do this. Remind my family how important to me it was, just in case they forget. Thanks!

Heart Transplant

My stepfather has just been moved to number 1A on the heart transplant list. That means that the next heart that matches him is his. I will explain more about the move in the list later, but for now--please add it to your prayer list--both my stepfather and the donor and his/her family. Thanks!