Video

I don't know if you guys have heard this song...but it is amazing. I found this video that someone made to go with it. I love it, but it hurts a little...don't look unless you have some tissues ready!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6p7HtoYlwY

Christmas Poem

I don't know who wrote this. And it made me cry. But there are parts of it that rang really close to me this year...not just the part about him being gone, but about REMEMBER them so that they know you loved them like they loved you...

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

" So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

This is not S! Just a cool pic!

Funny

I was talking to a friend yesterday about S coming home for R&R in February. "Can you believe it?" I said. "It's only 2 1/2 months away! It's like he's practically here! I can't believe it is that soon! Isn't it weird??!"

"Yes," she said. "It is weird. It's weird that you think 2 1/2 months is soon."

And that, my friends, is a lesson in perspective!

Thankful

The thing that I am thankful for today is that Thanksgiving is just another day. I don't say that with bitterness, sarcasm, or anger, or even sadness. I truly say it with thanks. One of the things that worried me most when we first got married (and spent our first Christmas apart due to our first deployment!) was that I would fall apart at holidays.

I'm really good at falling apart. I seem to have it down to a science. I don't really need a catalyst, but if I have one, gracious sakes, it is a sight to behold--or to hide from, if you can get away...

That Christmas actually turned out fine. Most of the other wives in our unit had gone home, since their husbands were deployed. I didn't have vacation time from work, so I couldn't leave. I woke up Christmas morning and went over to our chaplain's house. He and his wife and their little girl let me join in their Christmas breakfast. I will always love chocolate chip pancakes because of that day. (The words "chocolate chip pancakes" in my head are always said with a New Jersey accent because of them!!)

Then, guess what! Chaplain D took me to the office and I got to talk to S on the phone!!! This was before we had a computer, much less internet, and we got one 15-minute phone call per week. It was the greatest gift ever! And then, everything was fine for the rest of the day.

Since then, I've kind of just taken the holidays as they come. I don't like the stress that is created by making sure that everything is "exactly the way that it is supposed to be," so we do things differently every year. No one gets disappointed, and we have some great memories of all the different things we've done for holidays over the years.

But, best of all, I don't ache with missing him when he isn't here. I miss him the whole time he is deployed, but holidays don't make it worse. The Army has taught me that the 2nd Tuesday in October is just as special and wonderful as December 25th if your family is together. We enjoy the time we have together, AND we find ways to enjoy the time that we have to be apart. We look forward to him coming home, but we refuse to be miserable while he is gone.

Today we will have brisket and ribs at the home of good friends. I made chocolate chip pecan pie (that will probably taste horrible because I cooked it too long) and we will finish the plan for our Black Friday shopping trip. We will miss S, and maybe we'll talk to him on Skype for a while...and maybe we won't. But, we will be THANKFUL and we will be HAPPY and we will celebrate a VERY SPECIAL holiday in February. No one else will think it is a special day, but it will be bigger than all the other holidays combined for our family...and we'll be thankful then too!

Football

R's teacher has a son who is a senior at "our" high school and plays on the football team. At the beginning of the season, I made R a tshirt with Mrs. J's son's number on it. He's worn it to all the games, and this week--the last game of the season--he actually got to meet him before the game.

W is the biggest player on the team. R--not such a big kid. It was so cute to watch him pick him up--he literally looked like he was picking up a piece of paper!! R was THRILLED!! It was like he met a rock star!

5 Years

S has a "tradition" or "ritual" or whatever you want to call it, as his way of remembering a friend who was killed in Iraq exactly 5 years ago. Every year, on November 13th, he has "a Guiness for Sean."

This year he is deployed, so he couldn't do it. I told a story to some friends, and G said he would drink it in S's place. He didn't offer in a college kid "anything for free beer" way. He understood the sincerity behind the gesture...that its a little thing that S does that signifies something BIG to in his heart.

I think it is kind of cool that a "non military" family helped out with this...now they know his story too. And they appreciate his sacrifice--even though the didn't know him. They know about him. Never forget means never forget.

November 13, 2009 A Guinness For Sean

Clothing Sizes

When I worked in retail (it was a children's store, but for some reason, the topic of sizes for grown ups came up) my manager told me that some manufacturers will put smaller sizes on their clothes because it would make women buy more.

I thought she was nuts. I mean, everyone can SEE what they look like, right? For example, if you wear a size 16 in Brand A and a 10 in Brand B--your body is still the same size. It seemed ridiculous to me.

Well, today I'd like to make an announcement to all the clothing manufacturers out there (I'm quite certain they ALL read my blog. Being the fashion expert that I am and all). Here is the announcement. THAT SMALLER SIZE TAG TRICK ACTUALLY WORKS.

Why have I changed my mind you ask? I'll tell you. Because I've been trying to lose a little weight lately. I'm below my WW goal weight, but I'd like to lose some more--who wouldn't--and it gives me something to occupy my time and thoughts.

So, yesterday I put on a pair of jeans I bought a couple of months ago. They were a little small when I bought them (but it was Kohls giant sale and I had a 15% off coupon AND they were on clearance, so all together they were about $6). I figured it would give me some incentive to keep up the weight loss thing.

When I put them on yesterday, they fit just fine. Good for me. Although, the size tag was quite disappointing. It is certainly not the size I'd like to tell people I wear. (I don't think anyone would ask, but you know...if they did.) But, since I knew they were too small a few months ago, I was relatively happy.

Today, I put on a pair of shorts I bought last summer (that were WAY too small then--but again, big sale, incentive, blah blah blah) just to see if they would fit. They do. Maybe a little snug, but they are denim, so they'll stretch in a few minutes. Also, it will remind me to limit the halloween candy intake for the day.

But here's the important part about these shorts. Other than the fact that yesterday I thought it was cool enough to wear jeans and I was very wrong. It is still hot.

The important thing about the shorts is that, according to the tag, they are 2 SIZES SMALLER than those jeans from yesterday. So, guess what. I now love this brand of shorts. I don't actually know what the brand is, and J can't read yet so he can't tell me what the tag says. I could probably look in the mirror and read it backwards but that is not the point. The point is this. If I had to choose to wear those jeans or these shorts--I'm going with the shorts. Even if it actually WERE cool enough for jeans outside.

In fact, I might just turn these shorts inside out so everyone can SEE what size they are. Do I care that my body is exactly the same size it was yesterday in the jeans that I didn't approve of the tag? No I do not care. I am smaller. The tag on my clothes says so.

So, if I were you clothing manufacturers I would start putting smaller sizes in my clothes. You might even inspire someone like me to get a new wardrobe--even if I don't have a coupon and there's no clearance rack. Maybe...but the "quest for the best deal" thing is an issue best dealt with separately...

Goodbye Pics

Remember when I described "the goodbye" at the airport and the guy who was taking our pictures? I was, ummm, not very happy about it. I was also worried that he might be some anti-war whack job that was going to use pictures of my family in some anti military propaganda blogs or whatever.

I thought I had lost the guy's phone number, but when I got my new phone, I was moving numbers over to it, and I found his number. (Remember, N and I had a disagreement about what his first name was. N was right. That's why I couldn't find the number--I was looking under John. His name was Frank.)

I thought about it for a while, and I ended up calling him. He was a nice guy. He's a veteran of some sort (he was here in town because he was going to the VA hospital). Apparently, he really did think that he was doing us a favor. He said he would mail them to me if I wanted him to. He also said some news station was asking for pictures of soldiers and their families and he thought about sending them in, but didn't want to do it without my permission.

I told him that I wasn't comfortable with that, since I would rather know what someone's motivation was before giving them our photos, but that I would like to have them.

He didn't get around to mailing them to me for a while, and then he called and told me he was coming back here to see another doctor, and he would bring them to me. I met him in town, and he gave me the pictures, but he said he lost one of the memory cards that had most of the photos on it. It was kind of a bummer to drive that far for just a few pictures, but I guess that's ok. These seem to be the ones he took from far away, so he must have lost the card he used when he got braver and moved closer to us.

Anyway, they aren't very good quality, but here they are. Just so you know, there IS a picture of me hugging him goodbye, but it is from the back of me...I just can't bring myself to publish such a thing!

Mush

We have arrived at that point in the deployment when I get all mushy about my husband.

I have forgotten that he leaves books and mail everywhere. I remember only the fact that he washed all the dishes and the laundry.

I have forgotten how he is ALWAYS late for EVERYTHING and he dawdles. I remember only how much I love to ride in the car with him.

I have forgotten that he bites his nails and jiggles his foot when I am trying to sit still on the couch. I only remember holding his hand...(actually he holds my two fingers...it's this cute little special thing we do.)

I have forgotten how he can't stay home an entire Saturday, and drags me around running errands that aren't really necessary. I remember only the ease and comfort of being together, no matter where we are.

I have forgotten his habit of assuming that because he WANTS something to be a certain way, then it IS that way. I remember only how enthusiastic he is about life and how much fun he makes it.

This, my friends, is in my opinion, is one of the causes of post-deployment troubles. (There are other causes--I'm working on that book as well!) We get all starry-eyed and rose colored glassy eyed, and all the other puppy love blindness cliches in our heads, and we forget the reality of living in the house with another grown up.

The fact that they put the toilet paper on the roll upside down and the forks in the dishwasher upside down and never put their shoes in the closet. Those things seem so trivial when they've been gone a long time. Those things ARE trivial--until they get home. And then, honey--look out. Those things become monumental, fight inspiring catalysts for territory battles.

There are ways to plan for it and deal with it. We learn them in AFTB and in conversations with our Army sisters as we sit around tables planning welcome home celebrations. . .or we don't, and we have to bungle our way through it as it arrives and pray we come out the other side intact. Maybe in a later post I'll collect some of the experts (meaning, my Army sisters) best advice for dealing with these issues.

But, for now, I am living in the dream world. Thinking of my husband, whose every flaw has been erased by 8 months of separation. I'm smiling as I picture him in his backwards baseball cap and crying a little as I sing his favorite praise and worship songs at church.

As it turns out, I am an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" kind of girl. That's a good thing, because "out of sight, out of mind" wouldn't serve me too well in this lifestyle! The trick will be holding on to that "fonder" when he gets back, and not letting the trivial annoyances erase the appreciation for JUST HAVING HIM HERE that I developed while he was away.

Pumpkin Carving

I do not like to carve pumpkins. I think it is gross and nasty. I think it is very little payoff for very much work. I don't much care for holidays in general, and I especially don't like to decorate for them. The jack 'o lantern is very similar to a vase of flowers in my book--the sentiment is nice, but it is a lot of money and work for something that is going to smell and rot in a day or two.

Anyway--S is pretty in to the whole carving thing. He lets the kids pick a design (any design--not necessarily Halloween themed) and carves them each their own pumpkin. He generally does some sort of TCU themed pumpkin as well (by the way--WHAT'S UP with Kirk Herbstreit doubting my Frogs???? Did they show him OR WHAT??)

Back to the grossness of pumpkins. . . Since S is not here, I have been frightened that I would indeed have to carve pumpkins this year. I knew I couldn't shirk it entirely, since the boys LOVE IT, but I thought I would force them to do the traditional three triangle, snaggletooth design and be done with it...

But guess what we have?? A teenage boy who is WONDERFUL. I mean it when I use those capital letters. (When I say "Guess what we have?" I don't mean like he lives here or anything...we just borrow him periodically. He lives with his own very nice family.) He is truly awesome. He is a senior in high school, quarterback of the football team, sometimes babysitter, full time role model/idol for my kids. If they had a choice of hanging out with W or hanging out with a rock star, W would win, hands down.

Anyway--this is the kind of boy that you pray that your boy will grow up to be. If anyone ever says "Hey, your boy kinda reminds me of WW..." I would consider that a true compliment.

So, guess what? He came over this evening and carved pumpkins!! I am so very grateful that W is here! I did help, because we got a late start due to the TCU/BYU game (check out that score, Herbstreit!!!) But, I just did the quick parts and got out of the room in time for him to do the frustratingly complicated tiny cutting involved in R's chosen design.

I also did not have to touch the inside of the pumpkin guts. He did that too. He even shamed the boys into doing it as well. Awesome. I love having a role model/idol living a few blocks away. He is wonderful...my kids have carved pumpkins, I have clean hands, and I DO NOT have mommy guilt!

R's pumpkin

N's pumpkin...two face...1/2 jack o' lantern, 1/2 what? Dracula? I don't know...

J's pumpkin...on the porch it will be throwing up pumpkin guts. . .Great!!

All in all, the perfect day!

PS--W even cleaned it up. He made the boys help, too. I actually heard him say "Don't leave all that mess for your mom!" Don't you want him to marry your daughter, OR WHAT???"

PPS--W just convinced J to have his pumpkin throw up candy instead of guts! This just keeps getting better!

Cousins--by birth or by friendship...who can tell?

Look at the cheeks on these kids and tell me they couldn't be blood relatives!!

2009

2008
2007 2006

2005

Corn Rows

I still haven't downloaded the pics from my camera, so I don't have the action shots...but here is the hairstyle...

They Rock

Once upon a time there was a mom with three boys who played soccer. The first weekend of the season came and all three boys had a game. And--they were awesome. The end.

There is more to the story, but that is the short version. R is a SPEED DEMON and he really looks great out there. I couldn't believe the difference one year has made in that age group's skill level.

I am coaching J. All of my team wore the right uniform, showed up on time, and for the most part, went in the right direction on the field. That about covers the highlights of the game, but they had SO much fun. Actually, each of the kids did something really outstanding so I was very proud of my whole team (even though we lost by about 15 bazillion points). J was really great and even though he is a year and a half younger than the rest of the kids on the team--he is one of my best players.

N's game was amazing. First of all, his hair is so long he wore it in corn rows. No, I'm not kidding, I will post a picture tomorrow. He said he was "channeling David Beckham of the 90s." He was GK for the first half, and then played forward. In the first 15 seconds of the second half, he took the kickoff, dribbled to the corner of the field, turned towards the goal and shot. It BENT ("bend it like Beckham--have you heard that line?) in a rainbow shape, hit the far post, and bounced in. Seriously...it was awesome. He's been working on that kick for some time but I didn't think he was anywhere near ready to put it in to practice. I was wrong.

As for the hair, he thinks he wants to donate it. You have to have 10 inches to donate to Locks of Love, but we think he's pretty close to that. Girls have to actually have theirs a lot longer since they don't want to cut it ALL of, but he figures he can put the ponytail holder at the end of his hair and then shave it...

I really can't believe how long it is. I always assumed I would hate it, but I don't. For some reason, I think it is great. I know I wouldn't like it on someone else's kid...I remember a boy in Germany who had long hair and it drove me nuts. But, this is southern Cali, and he fits in, he keeps it clean, and he loves it. I think I am going to suggest he plan to shave it when Daddy gets home...just to have a date to pin on the wall, because at some point, it is going to become an issue of how long is too long, and I'd rather it not become a debate.

Ok, pics tomorrow!

Dinner

I babysat my friends three daughters this evening. She and her husband went out to dinner to celebrate her birthday.

For the 6 children, I made grilled steak, steamed fresh green beans, and velveeta shells and cheese.

J was NOT impressed.

Cute Kid

I don't think I should put this picture on my blog. This isn't even my own kid. AND--his mother has her OWN blog, and yet I stole her child's picture anyway! Don't worry--it is my nephew, I'm not infringing on anyone's copyrights! But, I do think that this is just too cute and I couldn't just delete the email without sharing the picture!!

I don't want anymore babies--but other people's babies are SO CUTE!! (Although, Bear is a big brother now, so technically he is not a baby. He is a big boy. So there.)

In case you are wondering, it's peanut butter. And, according to his mother, even though he is in the bathtub in this picture--she is STILL getting it out of his nose and eyes!

Sick Kids

I have sick kids all over the place! A few weeks ago, R had double ear infections and pneumonia. Got rid of that, and about the time he recovered, J started coughing. So far, it is just a cough, but it is gross.

On Friday, as we came home from camp, N was sick. (I can't remember if I already posted on this). We went to the urgent care clinic and he had an xray and they determined it was bronchitis. They gave him a breathing treatment and a prescription for an inhaler and augmentin (in case it was bacterial.)

We got the prescription filled Friday night. It was a little weird as the pharmacist was mixing the antibiotic, because she kept adding little bits of water to the powder bottles and swishing it around and mixing it more. I figured she was making sure she got all of the medicine out.

I decided to start the antibiotic Saturday night, since he still had fever. The medicine was really clumpy and the consistency of elmers glue. By Sunday, he seemed a lot better, so he went to school on Monday. No fever. At 10am they called me to come get him because he was throwing up. I called and made an appointment with the pediatrician for later that afternoon.

By the time I got him home (fever 101.2) I had decided he probably threw up because he didn't eat much before he took the Augmentin, but decided to go to the appointment anyway. At the doctor's office, he said the bronchitis sounded much better, and to discontinue to Augmentin because he thinks it was viral so the medicine wasn't doing anything for him. He said to keep him home until he went 24 hours with no fever. (Which is why he is home today.)

Late yesterday afternoon, I got a call from the pharmacist. She wanted to know if N had had any reactions to the Augmentin. Was he having hives, vomiting, diarrea, etc. I told her that he had thrown up that morning, but the doctor said to discontinue the drug, so I didn't think he would do it again. She said ok and hung up.

It seems really weird to me that she would call. Why would a pharmacist check in with a patient to see if they were tolerating a drug well? I called my mom and we figured that it COULD be that they wanted to show good customer service, so they could keep my business. But, when I recounted the story about mixing the drug, and that it was lumpy and thick she was more suspicious.

We determined that she probably was concerned that she overdosed him. Since she was using two different bottles of powder, maybe she thought they each were half full, and maybe they were both a little more than that. I don't know. It seems weird. I basically let her off the hook by telling her that he wasn't going to take it anymore, so she didn't have to explain why she called. But, it is likely that she thought about it all weekend and decided that she needed to check and see if she had given him too much medicine.

If that is the case, then I suppose that it is a good thing that she checked in. So, maybe I should be grateful that we have a conscientious pharmacist, but something in the back of my head is still worried. I know everyone makes mistakes, but in some jobs, you just shouldn't. I suppose that with an antibiotic it isn't necessarily a big deal...but it could have been something different.

Or, I could be overreacting. It wouldn't be the first time.

Anyway--my point in this long drawn out story is twofold. First, my kitchen looks like a pharmacy.

And second, Monday was supposed to be my very first day with no kids for 3 whole hours. That will now wait until Friday, but isn't that an amazing thought?? For the last 10 1/2 years, I have had one kid or another home at all times. Last year, J was in preschool two days a week, but I worked in R's class one of the days and the other day I alternated between N and J's classes. So, this is really a first to me.

Of course, I have left them with sitters and stuff, but that is for a specific reason, and I am back to them when I have finished that purpose, doctor's appointment, date night, etc. Something about this seems so different. I'm not just away from them for a specific purpose. There will be days that I won't have any obligations--and they will be away from me anyway.

Next year, J will be in kindergarten. That will be 5 days a week that they are ALL IN SCHOOL. I've never wanted to get a job when the kids were all in school, but I don't actually know what I will do with the time...I will still volunteer at the school a lot, but there will be at least 2 days a week that I am not up there. Weird. I can almost hear crickets.

And, I'm not letting myself go down the train of thought that they aren't babies anymore, because, really, who needs to watch me cry right now??

School Food

My kids don't eat the "hot lunch" that the school serves very often. For one thing, it is frequently gross. And R eats so slowly that if he had to spend time waiting in line, he'd never get a bite of food in his mouth (they only get 20 minutes and that includes line time!)

Anyway--N will eat there for chicken nuggets and pizza days. That's it. I'm fine with it, because I think I spend less money that way. I know how much they eat, so I try not too put too much food in the lunch box at a time (one of the "individual serving" bags of chips will actually divide into 2 lunches for R.)

Toward the end of last year I created a new system for myself. We are often insanely busy in the evenings with sports practices and such, and then to come in and need to feed them dinner, and THEN remember that I have to fix lunches was about to send me off the deep end.

I got paper bags and wrote their names and each day of the week. On Sunday evening, I prepare the lunches, minus sandwiches, and put them in the bags. Then, each evening I just have to take the bag out of the fridge, make a sandwich and put it all in the lunchbox and save the bag for the next week. I love the system--in general, I love systems--but it is definitely taking time to get back into the swing.

Today I made next week's lunches. Keep in mind that "lunches" includes 5 lunches for R, 5 for N, 3 for J, plus 3 "significant snacks" for R. He has lunch late so they have a big snack in the morning. I also put an extra small snack in N's lunch box for him to grab in the morning.

So--all together 15 meals, 5 big snacks, and 5 small snacks. Good grief. It is a lot of food!!! I do love the way the counter looks when they are all put together!

Where did the Summer Go?

Every year as we get close to the end of school I start panicking that I won't be able to keep the children entertained for the whole summer. 8-10 weeks feels like an eternity. Then summer starts. Then it ends. Just that quickly.

We literally did not have 3 straight days of nothingness this entire summer. I'm not complaining. It was a wonderful summer, and it is shaping up to be a fantastic school year as well. But, I certainly didn't get any of that "supermom" homeschooling stuff done! I don't know if I even asked my kids to spell 'cat' this summer! But, boy oh boy did we have fun!!

Last time I posted was after the first week of summer when N went to basketball camp and R & J went to swimming lessons and soccer camp. N left that Friday and went to Texas--by himself. I was quite afraid. Not that the plane would crash or anything, but that he would somehow be alone in an airport. Of course, we paid for the "unaccompanied minor" fee. You walk them to the gate, an agent takes them on the plane and at the other end walks them off the plane to the waiting grandmother who is STANDING AT THE DOORWAY. They are responsible for your child for about 50 yards worth of walking a ramp.

Guess what? They didn't do it! Seriously--he came off the plane alone and the flight attendant camp running out about 2 minutes later. I could have had a complete cardiac arrest when my mom told me that. Instead, I calmly called the airline (really, I stayed completely calm!) and told the customer service guy the whole thing. He couldn't speak he was so appalled. So, they refunded the fee and apologized 4 gazillion times and are supposed to be "handling it." I don't really care what they do. I doubt I'll be able to let my kids do that again for a long time.

What if my mom hadn't been standing right there? They were in the international terminal. He's traveled enough, he probably would have thought she was in baggage claim and started walking. Some grown up could have said "Oh, let me take you to your family," or something equally scary...anyway. Let's not think about it.

My inlaws came to our house the same day N left. They were here for about 4 days and greatly entertained the children. We went to the Wild Animal Park and a movie and R and J loved being the center of their world for a few days. It was a really fun new experience, since they haven't ever stayed at our before.

A few days later, the little boys and I joined N in Texas. It was a whirlwind tour compared to our usual 6 week trips. We were there for 11 days but managed to squeeze in the annual 4th of July celebration,my niece's birthday, a family reunion, and finding my mom a new house--and that doesn't include the few days we got to just hang out and swim!

When we got home, we had a couple of days to unpack and do laundry, and then the other half of the McFamily got here. Uncle G had to stay and work (those pesky jobs--always getting in the way of a good time!) but it was fun having a mob of kids and two moms.

Our plan was to have an activity day, a beach day, and a rest day in that rotation three times. But, little G and I both got quite sunburned so we only did 2 beach days. And, when we tried the "rest day" the children almost revolted, so we found that we had to have SOME activity every day. Fortunately, there are several friends (and the YMCA) that have pools--and swimming necessitates naps...so it worked out.

We went to the zoo and Sea World too. We went to Sea World in the evening, which was a completely different experience. We were the only ones in the manatee exhibit (my favorite) and we stayed in there a long time. It was cool, because they were really moving around a lot, and usually they are just hanging out.

I had my usual bought of depression when they left. It is always a reminder of the different types of friends--and which ones I have here and don't.

Two days after they left, we started Vacation Bible School. 450 kids...I was in charge of checking them in and out. Let's just summarize that by saying there are some REALLY not nice parents out there. They much preferred their own convenience to the safety of their children. I told one mom that she had to come in and check her kids in, and then come in and check her kids out--as opposed to just meeting them at the curb. Her children are 5 and 6 years old and we have 450 kids--if they all just took off for the parking lot we would surely lose a bunch of them.

With her starbucks in her hand she said, "Look, I need the maximum amount of time away from my kids as possible. There is a big difference between 3 hours and 2 hours and 45 minutes. I need a break." Only because we were in a church did I not slap her.

After VBS, we had a few days to get N ready for Operation Purple Camp. He left last Sunday, and had a great time. I will post pictures when I get his cameras developed. I picked him up yesterday and had to go straight to Urgent Care. He has pretty bad bronchitis (it only started yesterday morning, so they didn't call me because I was already on my way to get him).

He was pretty frightened at the doctor's office, and so he didn't sleep well. But, the inhaler is helping, and hopefully he'll be better by Monday and can start school.

The first day of school was actually Thursday. I am THRILLED with both boys' teacher assignments. They are exactly where they need to be, and I love both teachers. One nice thing about having been at a school for a while is having built some relationships with many of the teachers. I really like the other teachers at their grade levels as well, but the ones they got are perfect for them.

R loves his teacher, and since N already knows his from Student Council, he is excited too. They both have lots of friends in their classrooms, and it is going to be a very good year!!!

J started back to preschool on Friday. It was a short day, just an hour and a half, and all the parents stayed. He wasn't nearly as clingy this time, and I think he is ready to face (tiny parts of) the world without R now. We'll see...Monday will be the first day without Mommy, but he knows I'll be in there on Wednesdays, so everything should be fine.

All in all, a great summer, looking forward to a great school year, Daddy visiting in the winter and then on to a new adventure next summer...we'll know soon where that will be.

More pictures soon when I download them from my camera--these all came from SMcs!

How to Make Your Kids Sleep REALLY WELL

I have been determined not to "over program" the summer. I've been pretty successful (only 3 weeks have gone by, but still...) Anyway--we don't have lots of commitments. Friends and family coming to visit, going to visit others--but they are "low key" visits--no obligation to go on whirlwind sightseeing tours, etc.

Anyway--I am trying to balance between overprogramming and excessive boredom, so I did sign the kids up for a few things. Swimming lessons, soccer camp, Vacation Bible School. That's only 3 weeks worth of stuff...unfortunately, two of the weeks overlapped. The second week of swimming and the week of soccer camp--so the little boys were EXHAUSTED that week!

They were really well behaved and never had a meltdown. What they DID do, was go to sleep on Wednesday at 5pm and not wake up until 7:30 the next morning. Amazing. Maybe we should quit everything else, including school, and just do soccer in the mornings and swimming in the afternoons...

R also started piano lessons. He has only had two so far, but his teacher says he is a quick learner! He really enjoys it and has learned 5 notes already!

Haven't gotten pictures of him playing the piano yet, but here are the others!

Throwdown in the Grocery Store Parking Lot

Ok my gracious. I seriously almost beat the crap out of a middle aged snotty woman at the grocery store today. I'm not kidding. I truly clenched my fists and started to follow her...but you should probably hear it from the beginning before you decide to have me committed (or arrested.)

We had just finished swimming lessons and went to the grocery store. I try VERY HARD not to ever go to the grocery store with three kids in tow, but at this point, I only needed one thing, I had to buy it today, and we were already out. So, we were getting out of the car. N was out, and standing at the back of the van, waiting for me to get the little ones out. They didn't have shoes on, so it was taking them a moment (or five).

Suddenly, a grocery cart goes FLYING past the back of our car, headed toward the store. N yells, "A cart! It's going to hit a car!" and he started chasing it. I yelled "N Stop! You'll get run over!" I was still between two cars, so no one could see me, but I hear a woman's voice say "That's nice" in a snide way.

N comes around the car to me and said "Did you hear her? She thinks I pushed that cart!" He was just about in tears because I guess the lady was griping at him for pushing the cart into traffic. About the time I said "Was she talking to you?" She came past the car and saw me standing there. She gave N that look that grown ups use on other people's kids. It said "I'm not going to tell your mom what you did, but you are a bad kid, and since I am looking at you like this, she's going to ask you what you've done and YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!!"

Well--little did she know what my emotional state is at the moment (not to mention how I feel about ANYONE making my kid cry.) I said "He DID NOT do that. He didn't push that cart." (I'm now walking toward her because she was still moving.) "He was chasing it to stop it, and I made him stop so he wouldn't get run over."

She said "Oh. Well, it looked like he did it." And she kept walking. That's it? Are you kidding me lady? You just humiliated my kid and hurt his feelings and that's all you can say?

At this point, she is 3 or 4 cars away and I actually yelled at her (you are NOT going to be proud of me that I did this) "WELL, HE DIDN'T DO IT, AND EVEN IF HE HAD, HE'S MY KID, AND IF SOMEONE NEEDS TO DISCIPLINE HIM IT WILL BE ME, BITCH!"

Ok, seriously, crazy girl? Was that necessary? No, probably not. But, she was so snotty and she JUST KEPT WALKING when I was trying to explain it to her! How rude! So THEN N was basically trying to crawl under the car and he said "Do I have to talk to her?"

I said "No, but she needs to talk to you!" And then I yelled at her again "YOU COULD AT LEAST APOLOGIZE TO THE LITTLE BOY YOU MADE CRY!!!"

Then she got in her car. She never took her eyes off me, and she wove through a bunch of parked cars to get out of the parking lot so she wouldn't have to drive past me. I'm sure she thought I was going to attack her. Maybe she saw my Texas plates and thought I was going to pull out my shotgun and aim it at her.

I have to say, that if I DID have a shotgun, I would never have it in my car. And, I would NEVER point it at someone--we teach gun respect and gun safety in Texas--but man oh man did I want to slap that chick! I probably wouldn't have, but I REALLY wanted to.

So, there you have it. I mostly think I have my emotions in check and under control, but basically, they are boiling under the surface, always on the lookout for an excuse to explode just a little. N. told me later that he was planning what he should do if I really walked over to the lady. He said he would have pushed the little ones back in the car and closed the doors.

I assume that means he was embarrassed (but I have to think that part of him was glad that I yelled at that lady. He doesn't like to be accused of something--particularly when he didn't do it.)

Does this mean I need a therapist?

First and Last Days of School

I am a Magazine...I Have Issues

Ok, it seems to me that the "honeymoon phase" of the deployment is over. Meaning, the "We're a strong military family, we can do it! Nothing's gonna bring us down!" We are now sad and settling into the reality of the LONG time that this deployment is going to be. (We are actually just now at the 1 year countdown...)

So, I know that part of my current mental state is the above. And, the fact that my children are all in that same state, and handling it in different ways--a post entirely of its own. But, I am having a really weird issue in conjuction with this.

Here it is. I am sad that the school year is over because I feel like everyone is abandoning me. There. Stupid, huh? I have been thinking about it for several days, and here's how I have psychoanalyzed (heavy on the psycho) myself.

First, the school is basically our center of gravity. We all four spend at least 2 hours there everyday...and the kids are there more than that (so am I, most days). We are all feeling like our world is tilting when we don't have the school schedule to guide us. Kind of like that weird feeling of not knowing when to fix dinner when daddy is deployed, since we normally eat when he walks in from work!

Second, R feels like he is losing a parent. He loves Mrs. D so much (and so do I). She is so in tune with him and he is so connected to her. It is almost like the same way he felt when he said goodbye to S (and remember...that did not go well). I am not sure he is going to handle tomorrow (the last day of school) well at all.

Third, this again brings up the fact that I don't really have friends here. I stay super busy all the time. I know everyone. There are lots of people that I like and that would totally be there for me if I needed them. But, no one comes over and sits in the yard and drinks iced tea and watch the kids play with me. My only adult interaction is through the school, and now that will be gone for a while.

I am feeling so lonely, and this is making it worse. Plus, I am homesick. I don't want to go to Texas this summer--something in my heart is telling me that the right thing to do is to stay here, but this is when I am usually planning that trip (we've gone every summer since we moved here), and I am missing it.

I keep picturing my aunt's backyard with the kids climbing on that crazy giant waterslide in their underwear. I miss my family--not just my immediate family, but my extended one.

Now I think I am just rambling because I am crying and don't really know what else to do. I am sure that the summer will be great fun and we will have tons of things to do. But, tonight, before the last day of school...I am so sad.

Crutches All Around--Round 2

Seriously--it's starting to become funny now. Except for the pain--that part isn't very funny. If you read my post about our injuries to our feet, you would kind of think we had gotten our year's worth of injuries behind us, right?

Well, apparently not. Tonight, N broke his toe. Walking. That's it. That's all he was doing. Walking. Of course, he had no shoes on (because he is my child) and his toe just "folded over" and he stepped down on it and broke it. He now has a VERY FASHIONABLE rigid shoe to wear and is back on the crutches to finish out the school year. Fun fun.

Cross your fingers that the "bad things come in threes" rule actually does apply here, which would mean that this would be the last one. I don't want it to be a "your turn, my turn" thing. I don't want it to be my turn again.

Books

Ok, here's how lazy I am. I want you (anyone who reads this--feel free to comment anonymously if it will help me. You still don't have to admit that you read my blog if you don't want to) to do my reading list for me.

I love to read. Maybe too much (I have been known to ignore all tasks of the day, including cooking dinner, because I am into a book). I also read very fast. I generally finish a book in one day unless it is over 500 pages. That being said, I find it a waste of money to buy books when I can check them out of the library that is less than 2 miles from my house.

However, I love to browse through bookstores, because I can see the books and read the jackets to choose what to get. I can't do that at the library, because you can only see the spines. (I am the publishing company's cover design department's dream customer.) That's really the only way I am originally drawn to a book, because I forget to look up "must read" lists in magazines or wherever before I go to the store.

So, I thought I would just ask around (meaning you) and get some suggestions. Then, to be even LAZIER, I will get online, request all the books, and wait for the library to let me know that they are there. They will be held for me in the first shelf in the door. I can be in and out in less than 5 minutes. (Just so you know, this is not really out of laziness--at least not the request list part. It is out of necessity because if I take my kids in there and browse, we'll all be banned because they don't yet get "library etiquette.")

Here are the only stipulations.
1) Must be fiction. Even historical fiction is ok, but I don't want to read non fiction. I just don't. Reading is an escape for me, and I don't want to know about the world's problems when I am on a break!
2) Must not be sad. Same reason as before, this is an escape. If I want sadness, I'll watch the news.
3) Must not be too predictable. Harlequin romances just don't keep me interested. All of the storylines are the same, and most of the characters names are too.
4) Must occur in this world. I'm just not really into science fiction or space stories. (Although adaptations on this world are ok. I loved the Twilight series. I was 1/2 way through the second book before I realized that they were written for teenagers.)

Ok, just so it is more fair, here are some recent books I've read that you might want to check out.
1. Water for Elephants
2. The Lost Hours
3. Three Cups of Tea (Non fiction, actually. A good book, but took me much longer to read than fiction would. Also, he doesn't like the military very much, so that was a little hard to get past.)
4. The Time Traveler's Wife (if you have the same rule as #2 above, don't read it. I was NOT happy)
5. Sunday at Tiffany's.
6. Don't Even Think About It

Oh--here's one I saw at the bookstore the other day that I am going to check out. As it turns out, it too is non fiction, so maybe that rule #1 needs to be tweaked a little. But, right now I am too tired to think of how to rephrase it. Just go with "there are exceptions to every rule"!)

A Million Little Pieces.

Crutches for Everyone!

Remember when I said that my one prayer is that I will stay healthy during this deployment? That if everything stays as UNEVENTFUL as the first couple of months were, we'd be doing great? Well, we are still hanging on, but we've had a few close calls.

N fell out of a tree a few weeks ago. He landed flat on both feet (of course, no shoes on--he is MY child, after all!) I iced it and gave him motrin, and he seemed fine, but then it would swell up again after he was moving around for a while. He was still hobbling around after about 3 days, so I took him for an xray. They said it wasn't broken, but very bruised, and like any other bruise, if you keep banging away at it (in this case, taking steps) it will take longer to heal.

The doctor said "If you want it to heal more quickly, I can either splint it, or put him on crutches." Well, here's my theory--every boy wants to be on crutches once in his life. Until he realizes how much it SUCKS. I even saw N's eyes kind of flicker as the doctor said it. So--I figured, put him on the crutches--in the 48 hours or so it takes to feel better, he'll get really sick of being left out of all the games, falling behind everyone on the way to lunch, and getting his ribcage rubbed raw by the arms of the crutches.

He was quite excited to leave the doctor's office. He didn't mind sitting in the culdesac watching everyone play basketball (because, of course, they all first came over and checked out the crutches and heard about the doctor visit.)

By evening, he was asking to have the crutches padded and band aids put on his sides because of the rubbing (it actually gave him a weird blister...) And by the 3rd day (Friday--baseball game day) he was healed. Hated the crutches and the foot felt better. Perfect.

That was Friday. The next Wednesday (this week) I was running down the SAME road I run every day. The kids had ridden scooters to school and J was riding his home and I was running behind him. We were just going to go pick up the stroller and go for the long run. All of a sudden, I rolled my ankle and went DOWN. In the split second it took to hit the ground I thought "Don't land on J, call clients and cancel workouts, don't break the phone."

I thought I was going to pass out. It hurt so much!!! I really thought it was broken! I hit the speed dial button on my phone for my neighbor, because I knew J would recognize her voice and could talk to her if I did pass out. I was crying and just said "I fell. I'm hurt. Come get me." I could hear her running for the car as she was trying to understand me telling her where I was.

I had just gotten an email on my phone that S was waiting to talk to me on Skype, and had told him I was on my way. For some reason, I wrote him again and said "Fell. Hurt ankle. C coming." I don't know why I did that. I was still in major pain, but I didn't want him to be sitting around waiting on me.

She came and got me and took me home. My other neighbor is a nurse, and between the three of us we decided I didn't need an xray. I was pretty sure it was tendon pain, because of the motions that hurt.

It is much better now. I can walk without any pain, and I keep a brace on it to keep the tendon still until it heals. I don't expect to be able to run for a couple of weeks, but it could have been so much worse. If I had broken it, it would have been in a cast, and then I couldn't drive. This is such a busy time of year, I don't know what I would have done with all the kids activities and stuff I have to get done!! I am grateful that it wasn't worse!!

It does look pretty ugly, though. Bruising covers most of the outside of my foot, but the swelling is going down quickly. I have an excellent brace that I can wear shoes and flip flops with. Guess why I have that brace...because I have done this before!!!

When S was a company commander, they were finishing a brigade run, and it was raining. As they came through the parking lot, I was running backwards trying to get a picture of him at the front of the formation with the guidon. I fell in front of the whole company. S couldn't stop and help me up, because the entire group would have run over us both. Soldiers didn't want to stop because he hadn't stopped so they figured they couldn't. Finally, one of them helped me up. I was so humiliated!! Anyway--Uncle G got me the brace then. I've kept it because when you're as clumsy as I am, it isn't a question of IF you'll need it again--it's just when!

My Famous Kids

So, you may remember me mentioning that my kids model for my friend who is a photographer for a stock photo website. J was on a billboard in Baton Rouge at Halloween. Many of their pictures have sold, but we rarely know where they are used (most are probably in small publications because they are sold in small resolutions).

Anyway--this is the most recent one we found. Unfortunately, I can't let R see it, because I just don't want to explain it now. The funny thing is that this is the Childrens Hospital near my home! This is a newsletter that they put out. There could be friends of mine who get this newsletter! (They won't know it is my kid, but still--it just seems weird that the internet makes the world so small!!)

Ok, here he is:
http://www.childrensmedicalcenterdallas.com/YourChildsHealth/eYCH/2009/05-Talking-with-younger-children-about-sex.htm

Take Your Own Advice!!

Sometimes I think I should take my own advice a little better. I sometimes hear myself talking to someone and think, "Wow! That's a good piece of advice I just gave her!" and then I will be in a similar situation, and completely forget what I said and do the exact opposite.



My biggest plan for the deployment is to make sure that the kids don't get too tired. That is when they get really sad (although I think sometimes it is just a ploy to get to sleep in my bed--and they HOG the whole thing!!) Anyway--I figure if I can make sure they get enough sleep, and that they go to bed BEFORE they are really tired, they won't get too sad. It has totally been working, and I have patted myself on the back a few times about how genius that was to think it up before he even left!



"Great idea!" I have told myself. "You are such a veteran army wife. You are getting so good at coping strategies! (and at using phrases like 'coping strategies!')" Is that some crazy punctuation or what??



So, over the last few days, I've been a little sadder than I was the first few weeks. I've thought that I was just getting to the "reality" of it or that I was stressed about all the things I need to get wrapped up for the end of the school year. Well, guess what! I'm TIRED!!!



I really like sleep. A lot. I don't get a ton of it, because I don't sleep very soundly at night. Even when S is home, I like to go to bed early (9:30 is the middle of the night for me!) and I'd love it if I could sleep late in the morning. Today I realized I have been staying up MUCH TOO LATE (approximately 10:30). We went to bed last night at 8:45--all of us. And, I felt so much better today.



So, what have we learned? Yes, I was correct in thinking that not going to bed early makes you sleepy. And, no, I have not yet learned to take my own advice.



And on that note, I must go to bed. It is 10:21.

Awwww...

I was just scrolling down my blog and saw my little "blinkie" and it brought tears to my eyes. I guess I don't read down that far very often, because I had forgotten it for a while...

Damn! (Oops...I meant Yay!!)

N's team made it in to the playoffs. I truly am happy for them, but for heaven's sake! Does baseball season really have to last for 28 months a year? Goodness gravy I am tired. I really like baseball, but I don't see why it can't just be a 10 game season like football and be done with it already!

His games during the week start at 6pm. They aren't over until 8:30. We have to be there at 5 for warm ups, which means we are at the field for 3 1/2 hours. It is too early to feed them dinner before we go (who eats at 4pm?) and by the time we walk in the house after the game they are STARVING. Obviously, that is too late to cook something, but I can't just be taking something out of the oven, because I've been gone for 3 1/2 hours!!!!!

I try to do stuff in the crock pot, but since there are so many things that we don't like, it basically is "chicken with some kind of soup poured on top." Yum. It is actually ok for the first 500 games, but after that it starts to get repetitive. I've been trying to take dinner to the field with us, so at least the little two can eat at a decent time (and I feed N through the fence quite a bit so we don't face that horrible low blood sugar vomit/pass out thing he does so well!!)

Tonight I actually made barbeque ribs, mashed potatoes, and green beans. It was delicious. Too bad we were eating on paper plates with plastic forks shaped like animals. (Not that that made the food taste different...I just feel like complaining a little!)

So, back to the original point...we are in the playoffs. And, joy of joys...it is double elimination, so we have AT LEAST TWO more games. Seriously? Do we REALLY need to play this much baseball? The only good part is that N has not been hitting well, and I'd like him to finish out the season on a high note. We are going to spend a good portion of this weekend at the batting cages, so the last few games might give him a chance to do something at the plate. I expect that we will only play two playoff games...who knows.

R has a game tomorrow and a game next Saturday. His games are like pulling teeth, but he has a great time. I'm glad about that, but I will not be too sad to bid Tball farewell....we are all ready to move on to soccer (which I will be coaching so that J can play). No wonder time goes by so fast--we spend it at school and sports fields and asleep. That's about the story of our lives!

The Goodbye

So--he came home. He was here two weeks. We took the family pictures you see below. And then it was time again for the goodbye. How would I do? Have I actually gotten ANY better at this at all? Would watching the kids say goodbye make me revert to childhood and freak completely out?

I had a conversation with a wonderful mentor Army wife a few days before he left. It was nice to hear that everyone still gets sad when the husband leaves and that I'm not totally crazy. (Although, when I shared with her the story of laying in the floor holding on to his boots, she may have considered calling in a psychiatrist to give me a drug or two!!) Anyway--I had forgotten how nice it is to talk to someone that understands the acronyms, the paradoxical feelings of pride and fear, that can say "I know how you feel" and actually really know, but would never say "I know how you feel" because she also respects the fact that everyone's situation is unique. That conversation was truly a blessing and calmed my spirit as I prepared for the goodbye two days later. So, if you are reading this--thank you. You have no idea how much it helped. (And thanks for the encouraging text the day of goodbye...that was helpful too!!)

So--here's how it went down. We kept the kids home from school that day, so they could go to the airport. We all had Tshirts on that looked like this (substitute "dad" and "brat" for "husband" and "wife" on the kids shirts....ummm, you probably knew that, right?) and S was in uniform...so we weren't very incognito, but we tried to stay out of the way.

Front of shirts:

Back of shirts:

The lady at the ticket desk started to give us a hard time about going to the gate with him. I thought--"after all the letters I've written and compliments I've given to tell Southwest Airlines how much I love them, this chick is about to ruin all of it, and I am going to beat her up." I don't know what her issue was, but it gotten taken care of and we got to go to the gate with him.

We were a little early, and the plane was a little delayed, so we sat there for a while. Not much to do and it gets a little long. The boys played with the computer and watched planes come in and out. About 20 minutes before time for him to get on the plane, I was standing behind R, and he started shaking. I kind of thought he was having a seizure, because his shoulders were moving in a really weird way.

I walked around in front of him and he was sort of crying, sort of moaning. He said "Don't go Daddy. Please don't go. Stay here with us!!" Sob. Sob. Oh no!!! Now we will all break down! Here it comes! Find somewhere to hide!!!! Fortunately, we were way over in a tiny corner and no one really noticed us, I don't think. S started to cry and held R in his lap and just kind of rocked him and talked to him.

About 15 minutes later, we had to move over to the lineup area, and as S started to put his stuff down, R started again. He couldn't even control it and he was sobbing really loud. S put down his bags and sat down on the floor, legs straight out, and gathered R up in his arms. There was no way the kid was going to stop crying. I started to say something to him, and then I saw a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. What the HELL?? I turned around and some random guy was standing at the gate desk with a little point and shoot camera TAKING PICTURES OF MY FAMILY SAYING GOODBYE. I was not thrilled, but I thought it was a one time thing, a touching photo of a soldier saying goodbye to his baby.

No, no. This guy actually started walking around us, taking all kinds of pictures as each of us said goodbye to S. Keep in mind that I was not my "usual self." My usual self was in the back of my head screaming at me to go beat the hell out of that guy with all the sadness that was in me. But, holding two crying kids prevented it, so I pushed him out of my thoughts for a little bit. I tried to keep my body positioned so that he couldn't see S's name tape, but I am sure that he got some shots of it. Anyway...

I handed R to N so I could say goodbye. It was a pitiful picture to watch a 9 year old try to bravely hold his 6 year old brother while they both cried. A really old man (probably a vet, I think) came up behind the boys and patted their backs and talked to them while I was talking to S. N told me later that the guy told them, "Don't worry. Your daddy will be back. You're doing a great job." How sweet. The kindness of strangers...

As S hugged me, he whispered, "If the guy with the camera follows you, get a TSA agent." I said OK, although my usual self was coming back and she was pretty sure that no TSA agent would be necessary, as she had thought through the different punches she would be delivering to the camera guy's nose!

I took R back as S started to hand the paperwork to the gate guy, and R started to yell again. "Daddy! Daddy, I love you. Daddy!!! Daddy!!!!" It was awful. I convinced them all to be quiet for a second so that we could count to three and say "We love you Daddy," just as he started down the gangplank.

So, we did that, and then we sat for a minute and tried to get a grip. That was hard too, because people kept coming over and saying "Thank you for the sacrifices that all of you make. We appreciate your husband's service and we know you guys serve too. Thank you for everything you do." Oh, my gosh--MORE CRYING!!! It was so sweet, but it made me cry!

As we started to walk out, N said "Mom, there's that guy." He WAS following us! Sweet--I will beat him up, and then take pictures of his bloody nose and black eyes with his own camera! Fantastic outlet for this emotion!!!! Then I decided I wasn't at the top of my game, and probably not thinking to clearly, AND I was carrying two crying kids and dragging a third, so better to just get out.

I thought it would be best to get outside the security area, because he surely wouldn't follow me, since he was about to get on a plane. Then, I thought, what if he does follow me? He can just go BACK through security...I don't want to be away from the TSA agents in case I need their help (although, they didn't look really "intimidating" if you know what I mean). So, I just stopped, turned around, and looked at him. Have you ever seen my mean face? I think it is more intimidating than the TSA agents, for sure.

I said "What?" He said "If you'd like copies of the pictures I took of your family, I could send them to you."

What I thought: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do I LOOK stupid to you? Why the hell would I give my contact information to some random asshole taking my picture in an airport? I realize that it is a public place, so you can't expect to have a private moment, but that certainly doesn't mean you and I are now going to be buds you JACKASS!!!

What I actually said: "I'm not giving you my information." He said "I could give you my phone number and you could call me if you want them."

I said "I want your phone number and your name please." He gave them to me and I saved them in my phone. THEN he said "It is just awful to watch you guys be torn apart like that. It is just horrible."

Oh SHIT! If this is some anti-war whacko that thinks he is going to use pictures of my family to promote some "army destroying families" agenda, then my usual self really IS going to come out and this dude is in SERIOUS trouble.

I said "Today is hard. Tomorrow we will be fine. We VOLUNTEER to do this." and we walked away.

Sometimes I like to shock N, because it makes him feel older (since I say stuff to him I wouldn't say to the little ones) and also to make him laugh. So, I turned to him and said "If that guy publishes our picture in an anti-war article, I swear I will hunt him down and beat his ass!" It worked--N almost fell on the floor laughing.

It would have been different if the guy had come to me and said "Hey, I have a camera with me, would you like some pictures of your family together before your husband leaves?" I could have said "Sure! That would be great!" or "Get out of my face before I slap you!" But, either way, it would have been my option. One of my favorite pictures is S and I saying goodbye before the last deployment. A friend took it, and then took one right when he got home too. Similar positioning, but amazing differences in the body language and facial expressions. Anyway--he didn't ask me, so therefore I did not like him.

So, we start leaving the airport, and I start the best "Army Mom" routine I have. "Boys--starting right now, we get to count down. We've been getting ready for daddy to leave, and it was for a year, but starting RIGHT NOW, it gets less every minute!!" We walked past a big group, a family, waiting at the end of the baggage claim area with WELCOME HOME balloons. I don't know if they were waiting for a soldier or not, but I pointed them out the my kids. I said "Look!! Now we get to start getting ready for THAT!!" But, I still rushed them out of there so I didn't actually have to watch the reunion--I'm not that good of an actor!

As we walked along, a man came up next to me and said "Ma'am, I know this won't make you feel better, but I wanted to tell you thank you for what you and your kids are willing to do for our country. We appreciate your husband's service, but I know it must be very hard for all of you to let him do it, so thank you for your service too." He started to cry a little and said "I put my daughter on a plane every two weeks. She is only gone for a few days, but it is still awful for me. I can't imagine how hard this must be for your husband. He is a very good man to be willing to leave his wife and kids to serve all of us." Ummm. Wow. Again, the power of the kindness of strangers. I stopped moving and said "I'm not sure how to respond to that except to say that those were some of the kindest words I've ever heard. Thank you for saying that to me. You have no idea how much it means to me." And then I started to cry AGAIN and made a beeline for the door!

And then, GUESS WHAT!!!! I figured out that I actually AM getting better at this! Guess why? I took some of the advice that I always give OTHER people!!! I always tell people not to go directly home when the drop off their soldier. It just feels too empty. For some reason, if you do something else first, it is better. So, I told the kids we needed to go somewhere that we would all get to hang out with friends. The school happened to be having the fundraising auction, so we went to that. They went to the childcare room and played and ran with friends, and I hung out and talked to my friends (and bought "Principal for the Morning" for N for next school year).

Then we were really tired, and we went home to bed!

Saturday was a good day. We were busy and happy and I was proud that it only took me the one day to recover! That's much better than the time (times?) that I stayed mega-depressed the entire deployment.

Then Sunday came. It was awful. I don't particularly care that it was Mothers Day, but Sundays are hard for me anyway. Then, top it with the fact that it was the day they were flying from Kansas to Kuwait. Uck. I felt like he was falling off the face of the earth because I didn't know when or how I would talk to him again. I KNOW I will, because most of the posts have internet and phone service, but I didn't know how long it would take to get to Kuwait, what the communication would be like there, when they would get to Iraq, how long it would be before he could contact us from there, etc. etc.

I stayed home most of the day, because he could talk on Skype until time to pack up the computer. Then he could use his cell until they took off. I didn't really have anything to say, I just wanted to be "talking" to him as long as I could. Finally, I could hear the flight attendant saying "All cell phones must be turned off." So we said goodbye. We knew our cells didn't work in Europe, so I wouldn't hear from him til who knew when.

At 3:00am he called and said "My cell works in Europe! I know it is really expensive, but I just wanted to say Hi!"

Then, he called at 11am and said "My phone works in Kuwait!!" I know it is probably $100 a minute, so I won't stay on, but I wanted to tell you that it works and I'll keep in charged. We will use the regular phone system and computer (Skype) to talk, but in case there is some major emergency, you can call it."

I know that I WON'T call it, because I am VERY cheap, and because what good does that do? He can't jump on a plane and come back. But, for some reason, it made me feel a lot better! I know he's there and safe, and I'll talk to him when we can.

So, there you have it. I am sure that I will have some depressed days, but it appears that in 2 days I am a normal person. So, it turns out that I AM getting better at this. (But the horror of looking back at how awful I was during that Kosovo deployment is very embarrassing. I don't even know HOW I took care of N. He probably just watched TV for 7 straight months!) I hope he can't remember it!!

So, now it is back to the craziness of normal life. Teacher Appreciation Days, All Star Tryouts, camps to register for, swimming lessons, family coming to visit, etc. etc. If the rest of the year goes as quickly and as UNEVENTFULLY as the months in Kansas, we are all set!

By the way, I apparently didn't push "save" when I entered camera guy's name and number into my phone (I'm not very technologically savvy, and I was a bit distracted.) N says it was Frank Coleman. I say it was John Coleman. Either way, I guess I won't be getting those photos from him. I hope he isn't writing about how "pitiful" and "horrible" it was to watch us in some whack job blog.

Family Pictures

We had family pictures taken at the beach yesterday. It was fun. The kids were good. They all got soaked at different times, but we had taken several shots by then, so it was ok. We still have to do the "clean up" (I love digital photos...switch the eyes here, rub out a few wrinkles there, erase a VERY unruly piece of hair...) but here are some of my favorites...