I am a Magazine...I Have Issues

Ok, it seems to me that the "honeymoon phase" of the deployment is over. Meaning, the "We're a strong military family, we can do it! Nothing's gonna bring us down!" We are now sad and settling into the reality of the LONG time that this deployment is going to be. (We are actually just now at the 1 year countdown...)

So, I know that part of my current mental state is the above. And, the fact that my children are all in that same state, and handling it in different ways--a post entirely of its own. But, I am having a really weird issue in conjuction with this.

Here it is. I am sad that the school year is over because I feel like everyone is abandoning me. There. Stupid, huh? I have been thinking about it for several days, and here's how I have psychoanalyzed (heavy on the psycho) myself.

First, the school is basically our center of gravity. We all four spend at least 2 hours there everyday...and the kids are there more than that (so am I, most days). We are all feeling like our world is tilting when we don't have the school schedule to guide us. Kind of like that weird feeling of not knowing when to fix dinner when daddy is deployed, since we normally eat when he walks in from work!

Second, R feels like he is losing a parent. He loves Mrs. D so much (and so do I). She is so in tune with him and he is so connected to her. It is almost like the same way he felt when he said goodbye to S (and remember...that did not go well). I am not sure he is going to handle tomorrow (the last day of school) well at all.

Third, this again brings up the fact that I don't really have friends here. I stay super busy all the time. I know everyone. There are lots of people that I like and that would totally be there for me if I needed them. But, no one comes over and sits in the yard and drinks iced tea and watch the kids play with me. My only adult interaction is through the school, and now that will be gone for a while.

I am feeling so lonely, and this is making it worse. Plus, I am homesick. I don't want to go to Texas this summer--something in my heart is telling me that the right thing to do is to stay here, but this is when I am usually planning that trip (we've gone every summer since we moved here), and I am missing it.

I keep picturing my aunt's backyard with the kids climbing on that crazy giant waterslide in their underwear. I miss my family--not just my immediate family, but my extended one.

Now I think I am just rambling because I am crying and don't really know what else to do. I am sure that the summer will be great fun and we will have tons of things to do. But, tonight, before the last day of school...I am so sad.