I Wanna Go Home

Sometimes I feel like screaming "I wanna go home!" I don't know why. That doesn't even really MEAN anything to me anymore. I have lived outside of Texas for 11 years now. It isn't my "home." But, neither is anywhere else. I have become one of those army people. . .

I have had a great weekend. My birthday was fun. I got great presents and lots of emails from friends. My anniversary was also fun, and exactly what I wanted. It is even being "extended" because my gift to S. was a cooking class that we are going to on Wednesday.

There is not really any reason for me to feel sad, other than that it is Sunday--and I have yet to make it through an entire Sunday without crying--ever in my life.

So, that thought just keeps running through my head. "I wanna go home!" It means nothing, and it means a lot of stuff. I was in Texas a few days ago, and it made me homesick. The visit with the McC's made me homesick. Reading my friends' blogs makes me homesick. I guess that the saying "home is where the army sends you" isn't really true, because the army sent me here. I guess it is more true to say "home is where the heart is" because my heart is spread all over everywhere with the people that I love.

The biggest part of it is here with my fabulous four boys--but I sure miss the other parts. . .

Reunions

One nice thing about Army life is that even though you have to move away from friends, you often get a chance to see them again. Sometimes you are lucky enough to get stationed together, and sometimes, just catching up over a vacation or a lunch date. . .

Over the last month and a half, we've had the opportunity for 4 reunions! It has been the greatest gift to me. I love it.

First, in March, the L. family came to California for their spring break. They are stationed on the east coast, so it was quite a trip for them. We lived down the road from them in Vilseck, and I learned so many life lessons from all of them. The two older boys were 3 and 1 year older than N. (so they were 6 and 4 when we moved there). I was pregnant and tired (and sad about the upcoming deployment) and about a week after we moved in, S. took N. up to the playground behind the house. They met a little boy and his dad on the swings. I walked up and introduced myself and learned that they lived about 4 houses down from us.

A few minutes later, the mom got home from the commissary. She looked up at the playground and said to her husband "Come help!" That was it. I was even sadder, because no one in the neighborhood had even said hello, so I was hoping this nice man would have a nice wife who could become my friend. That didn't look possible now.

For the next 3 or 4 days (S of course was in the field) every morning, N. would say "Mom, I'm going down to A's house." I couldn't let him go alone, he was only three, and I didn't want to look stupid showing up at a stranger's house. Besides, shouldn't SHE come visit ME? I was the new one!

Finally, one day N. said "Mom, I'm going to A's house. You can come if you want." and before I could say anything--he was off. I followed, thinking I'd come up with some way of blaming it all on him!!! Anyway--when we got down there the boys were playing outside, and N just joined right in (one of the many talents of army kids!) I knocked on the door just so she wouldn't think some crazy lady was hanging out in her driveway.

When C came to the door, I introduced myself--and we talked for about 3 hours! Turned out that she had only been there for about 3 weeks, and had recieved as "warm" a welcome as I had! I loved her right away, and still get tears in my eyes thinking of how much I owe to my 3 year old son for that day. He taught me to look outside myself--and more importantly, that sometimes you have to make your own happiness instead of waiting for it to find you.

C taught me to cook, gossiped with me about neighbors, and gave me lots of "older army wife" advice. She helped me through the whole pregnancy during deployment, and each day created a plan for what to do if I went into labor that day (did I ever post the story I submitted to Chicken Soup?? It didn't get picked up, but it was a good story. . .) Anyway--our kids shared birthday parties, our husbands traded off deployments so frequently that they didn't see each other for 2 years, and we are lifelong friends. I love them so much . . .

Now, those boys are 12 and 10 AND there is another one. . .something else we have in common--mothers of 3 boys. WE can go 6 months without talking and years without seeing each other, and still pick right up where we left off!!

When we went up to see them at the cabins at Camp Pendleton, we were just planning to be there for dinner that night. When it was time to go, N and A got HUGE tears in their eyes. I remembered reading something about raising "army brats." One of the things it said was "6 hours is NOT too far to drive for a playdate. Friends are important, even when you are 8 years old." So, I told N he could spend the night.

He was SHOCKED! He couldn't believe I was going to let him skip school and that he got to stay a whole extra day! I told him that as a family, we ALL serve in the military a little bit, and that sometimes you get a special reward for doing your part in the sacrifice. . .it was totally worth it to see them have so much fun. . .

It may be years before we see them again, but I know we will always love each other.

Then, a few weeks later, I got an email from the F's. They were coming to California for a convention, and we got together for lunch.

N and their daughter, A were in kindergarten together and had a special closeness. We were all going through a lot of similar things those last months in Germany, and our families are pretty similar. It was nice to have friends to go to dinner with and be able to talk about all the craziness in the unit, and have them kljnow just what we were talking about!!

Unfortunately, the kids didn't get to come, but it was great to see P and R. It was funny to talk about different things and see that we STILL see things pretty much the same way! S. was out of town, so when he called me on my cell, I tried to get P to answer and pretend he was some random guy, but he couldn't do it without laughing! They actually stayed on the phone for about 20 minutes!

I didn't think to take any pictures, but it was a really cool thing to see them. I think civilian people don't often think about creating ways to get together like Army friends do. We are forced so frequently to rely on our friends instead of our families. And, we pay special attention to the fact that our time together is limited--even from the first moment we move somewhere. I love when I am able to maintain those kinds of relationships!

And finally, in the middle of April--a McFamily reunion!!!!! I so terribly needed some time with them! The kids just had a blast! They wore themselves out playing, and never really had a cross word (that's saying something when you've got 9 people in 1 house for almost a week!!) It was also good for me to go visit there. It wasn't anything like I thought, so I could move that post off of the "No Way" list and put it on the "I'll Consider It" list for the next duty station. Of course, I REALLY don't want to go there if they aren't there, but I think that G and S can work together and make that happen. . .

One day, the guys took the kids to play in the snow, and the sister and I got to just hang out and talk. We got to do that while everyone else was around too, but you know how conversations can get sidetracked when kids and husbands are around!!! I literally had a list of things I had been waiting to talk over with her. Sometimes, even a phone call just doesn't do it. I need to really talk stuff out. And, SMc (to differentiate between the husband who is "S") is the perfect person to do that with. If I tell her about a problem, she'll frequently say "Let me give that some thought." A lot of people say that, but she is serious. A few days later she'll say "I've been thinking about it, and . . ." and then she comes up with some truly inspired answer that seems like it should have been obvious all along!

(LOVE the Tshirt on J--it is just too perfect for this kid!!)

Also, they are fantastic parents. I love the thought and energy they put into their kids, and yet they are still realistic. Their is no fake idealism. They have frustrations and fears and bragging rights just like I do, and it is SO GREAT to have someone that I know I can talk about kid issues, husband issues, weight issues, family issues, house issues, army issues, lambrusco issues, etc. with. Truly. . .it makes my life better having them a part of it. That simply says it! (I used to tell S all the time that the only reason we didn't get divorced in Germany was that SMc lived next door. I could rant and rave to her and she would analyze, sympathize, and commiserate with me, so by the time he got home or I talked to him, I just wanted to scream at him instead of kill him!!--Now that's a good friend!)

We WILL live near them again in the future. I just know it. Even God was in on it. He made the weather absolutely perfect the entire time we were there. As if to say, "Come on. You'd love to live here in Pleasantville. All those stories about year round bad weather are just rumors we started to keep everyone away!!"

While we were there, we also had a reunion within a reunion. We all had dinner at the B family's house. We were stationed with them in Heidelberg, and haven't seen them in 6 years. We keep in touch, and S has seen them when he's been around for work, but I haven't. Our oldest boys are the same age. Then she had a baby boy. Then I had a baby boy. Then she sent me another birth announcement with the third boy, with a note on the envelope that said "Tag! Your turn!" And, just a couple months later--I found out that J was on the way!! So--they are the ones who jinxed me. But, we love them anyway.

She is active duty, and currently deployed to Iraq, but he is home with the kids. Supposedly, he works, and was in fact, going on a trip for a week the day after we saw him. Grandma was there to keep the kids. But, for the most part, he seems to be the greatest dad out there. He takes the kids to school, works a few hours, volunteers at the school, and then comes home and does all the extracurricular stuff! He's a cool guy. Scotch and cigars or sewing machine and gardening--he does all of it!!

So, that's my wrap up of the last couple of months of reunions with my army friends/family. I couldn't live without them (and my life wouldn't be worth it if I could!) I love all of you guys--and if I haven't had a reunion with you lately--my time living in paradise is dwindling. . .you really should consider checking out our guestroom while you still have the opportunity!!

Playing the Odds

I'm not a risk taker. I don't break rules (other than occasional speeding) and I don't gamble. Every time we go to Vegas I always say I'm going to play, and then I put one quarter into a slot machine--it's gone, and I'm done.

So. . .here's the thing. You can call me crazy, overly dramatic, paranoid, or just plain stupid--quite frankly, I don't care.

Last Friday, the middle school RIGHT NEXT DOOR to my kids' elementary school had a threat written on the bathroom wall. It said "Gonna kill you all 3/31." That would be the following Monday. We got a Connect-Ed message (a recording from the principal that calls you and plays to you or your answering machine and also sends you an email.) They said that they were investigating, they didn't believe it to be serious, there would be a police presence at the school--blah blah blah.

I did not send my boys to school that day. Nothing happened, and that's great. BUT--if something had happened, here were my issues:
1. The school is right next door. If a kid had come to school with a gun and seen all the cops, he might have just decided to go into the elementary school instead.

2. If he had gone into the middle school, the police are great, but they can't do anything until there is something to respond to. Meaning, even if they are RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and he only gets to fire one shot. . .that one bullet is just as deadly as any other. If you're the unlucky fella to be in the way of the one bullet--bad news for you. (By the way, I'm saying "he" and "him" because it was written in the boys' bathroom.)

3. If they chased him, where's he gonna run? Out the back door. Where does that lead? To the ramp that goes straight down into the elementary school. And who's classrooms are on either side of that ramp? R and N's.

4. Finally, I am quite aware that it is a 99% chance that the threat was written by some kid trying to get out of a test. But, that still leaves that 1%. And, if someone said "I'm gonna line 100 kids up against a wall. Then, I might shoot one of them." That's only a 1% chance. Whether they are really going to do it or not--I'm not letting my kids be in that line of kids.

5. In all the cases where something has actually happened, people always say "Why didn't anyone see the signs? He was doing A, B, and C--someone should have known this was coming."

So, on Friday, they found a similar threat on the outside wall of the ELEMENTARY school!!! They called out a Connect-Ed message at 10:45. They said they had done a "thorough investigation and did not believe that it was a credible threat." Ok--I have MANY problems with this.

First, by 10:45 the kids have only been at the school for 2 hours. By the time the message was sent out, they had already told the kids they were on "rainy day recess schedule" so they couldn't go outside (they told them it was because of a beehive) and told the teachers that they were actually on lockdown. They had taken around printed notes to the teachers that said that they were calling the parents and that many may come get their kids. They had to have had time to have FOUND the writing. All of that had to have taken at least 30 minutes--so how "comprehensive" could the investigation have been if it was completed in an hour and a half?

Second problem, I did notice that there was a police car at the school when I dropped the boys off. I assumed it was because they were still increasing presence from Monday, and there is often a cop there to help with traffic in the mornings. Was he actually there because they had already found the message? And if so, why would they let us bring the kids TO THE SCHOOL AND LEAVE THEM without saying anything?????????

Finally, I don't like the wording "not a credible threat." We're talking about a threat against my kid. We're talking about something obviously placed by a kid. Children are NOTORIOUS for not doing what you expect they will do. . .and finally ALL THREATS ARE CREDIBLE WHEN THEY ARE AGAINST MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I took my kids out of school right then. For one thing, I was going to visit friends from Germany who were here for a conference, so I was going to be about 30 minutes away. I couldn't be that far with something like that in the back of my mind. But, I would have taken them anyway. I don't care if it is 99.99% safe. . .I don't play odds. Especially with my kids. And, if it happens again, I'll take them out again. And again. And again. The last thing I need is for this to become so commonplace that everyone stops taking it seriously, and then it will be the perfect opportunity for something bad to happen!

I really think that if this was the same child writing both messages, he or she is desperate for attention and someone needs to give it to them before they have a gun instead of a marker in their hands. If I were the administration of the schools, I would scare the crap out of them and tell them I was getting a handwriting expert to compare the writing to everyone's most recent essay. Even if I couldn't really do that--kids don't know what resources adults actually have. . .it would probably be enough to make them think harder next time. Unfortunately, I think that if it is really going to happen. . .they aren't going to write it down first. . .

Too Much Time

Sometimes when S. is out of town, all I do is sleep--and sometimes I can't sleep at all. This seems to be one of those times. I have sent the most random emails, searched craigslist for everything out there, and all kinds of stuff. Of course, there are tons of stuff that I NEED to get done, but those I avoid. I mainly look for ways to keep myself busy on the computer, because it is in my room, and I figure that it will eventually make me tired staring at the screen.

So, here's this moment's random thought: The kids and I were talking about favorite books. I can remember lots of books from childhood (preschool age my favorite was Pokey Little Puppy!). But, there are from when I was in kindergarten or so, that I CANNOT remember the name. I'm hoping maybe you do. . .

I actually found some info about one of the ones I remember "A Penny for Candy." It was actually printed in the 40s, so all I found was one website that someone else remembered it too. Nowhere to buy a copy. . .

I also found a "Stump the Bookseller" website where someone will search for you for $2 per book , but figured it wasn't worth it. These were those little books they used to keep on the roundabouts at the front of grocery stores before there were candy racks there! My brother and I used to get one if we had been good in the store. They were like 15 cents or something. Anyway, this is the info about the two I can't remember.

Here was the idea. The main character was a bear. I can't remember if his friends were all bears or lots of different animals. His parents went out to a halloween party and he didn't get to go. He had a party too, and everyone brought popcorn. They popped all of it, and it filled up the house. Then they all ate it to clean up. Then when the parents came home, they brought him a bag of popcorn. Ring any bells?

Second one-a little girl moves to a new neighborhood. As she walks to school she hears on the other side of a fence a GIANT DOG barking. It is really scary, and she runs past. All year she hears it, and she draws pictures at school of giant dogs. It goes through the year of her drawing a big dog with a leaf on his head in the fall, etc. Then, one day, the gate is open. She's scared to death and then the dog sticks his head out and he is tiny. She's not scared anymore and she draws pictures of little dogs.

Wow--I was easily entertained as a kid, I guess!

(See. . .I told you . . .random thoughts!!)

Is Something Wrong With My Blog?

If you read my blog, could you please leave me a quick note and let me know if it looks weird to you? For some reason, when I view it, all the words are different sizes and the lines are different amounts of space from each other. I can't figure it out. I have a couple of friends who use the same format, and theirs don't look weird to me, so I am wondering if it is just because it is my own (even though that seems stupid!)
Tell me what you think. In the post below about the kids, the font seems fine in the first paragraph, but as you go further down, the words seem all squished and tiny. Maybe I just need more sleep. . .

Whose Kids are These??

Something has happened and all of my children have been possessed by other spirits! I'm not kidding! First--N. Actually, his differences are merely physical. His hand is the same size as mine. His feet are only 1/2 size smaller than mine--keeping in mind, he is just about to turn 9 years old! How big is this kid going to be? He can eat WAY more than me if he is really hungry (and believe me--that takes some WORK to eat more than me!!) Plus, you know how the oldest child always seems so "old?" I am always saying "There is no baby left to him." But, this time it's true. Look at the difference between last year and this year's baseball pictures. . .Good Grief! (And it is QUITE a nice picture this year, don't you think?) Don't you love how you can just brag and brag on a blog more than you would dare in person?? ha ha ha!!Then, there is sweet little R. The kid who has played 2 full seasons of soccer and never scored a goal. He barely pays attention to the game. Well, he is playing spring soccer--and guess what! In the first game, he scored! It was KIND OF an accident, he happened to be in the right spot and knock the ball in, but still--his confidence soared! THEN--second game. Opening play, the "ref" dropped the ball into the middle of the circle. A kid on the other team kicked the ball and it went straight to R--he dribbled around everyone, to the goal and scored!! Opening play! Woohoo!!

But, it gets better! Later in the game, I literally saw him figure out what "aggressive" means. They all stay bunched up at this age, so everyone was down at the end for the other team to score (I forget if that is considered "our" goal or "their" goal). R stole the ball, really and truly stole it, dribbled all the way down the field-and no one could catch him (he actually is very fast and a good ball handler, just usually kinda timid). About halfway down the field he got this "growl" look on his face, and FLEW down and scored again. It was amazing!

And finally, J. What the heck? He truly lives up to his nickname "hurricane!" He tears things up, makes messes, etc. Constantly filthy dirty, blah blah blah. He is so sick of sitting and watching the big boys at their games, that we decided to sign him up for "smart start" soccer. He is very naturally athletic, strong, and coordinated. He loves to play with the big kids. Guess what happens when he is around kids his age? He melts down completely! He cries, he won't go on the field unless I hold his hand, he won't even look at the coach--and that is just in practice. At games, he starts freaking out before we even get out of the car! It is the weirdest thing. So out of character. I can't even get a picture of him playing, because for the most part, he won't play, and when he does, I have to be attached to him, so I can't push the button!!

I don't have any idea who these people are!!

Ideas

As you may or may not know, California is looking at some SERIOUS budget cuts for the education system. 7 of our school's teachers got pink slips a few weeks ago. They aren't guaranteed to lose their jobs--yet. The budget has to be approved in June first. This is going on all over the state, and it will have far reaching effects. . .over 40 kids in each classroom with one teacher, cuts to AP, athletic, music, art, etc programs--on and on and on. We are trying to come up with ways to make sure the legislators know that we don't approve. Most stuff in CA I don't get to have an opinion on, since we are registered to vote in a different state, but education is different. The school district and state get paid money based on the number of military kids here. . .even if we don't pay state income tax etc. So, for this, I get to have a voice. Some kids at one of the high schools organized a 12K for K-12 walk last weekend that was a big deal. A bunch of people wear pink on Fridays to show support for the teachers (of course they are the young energetic ones that everyone loves--that don't have tenure so are first on the chopping block).

Anyway--I was just wondering if anyone has suggestions for ways to make a big stink about this. Today my friend hosted a phone call party where they had a script and all the phone numbers for our area assembly reps and everyone called. . .other ideas??