Nobody Loves Me

I am starting to feel very far away from my Army home. Six months ago, I was definitely not ready to go back. I am still enjoying this restful time, and I am EVER MINDFUL of the enormous blessing we have in this non deployable, low stress, time to build relationships with the children job that "we" have. But, I am feeling the twinges of homesickness.

It will be outrageously difficult to leave here. We have made friends. The kids go to a great school. It is eternally beautiful here. The beach is 10 miles from my house. It is 75 degrees year round. And yet. . .the Army isn't here. The navy is. The marines are. But, they are not my home. I am sure that they have their own sisterhood. It just isn't as good as mine. (kidding. . .not really.)

I feel the connection slipping away. The busyness of every day life--sports practices, grocery shopping, etc. takes away the time from being able to keep in touch. I miss everyone a lot. It is funny how when you first move from somewhere, you keep in touch with lots of people. As time passes, it gradually dwindles to occasional forwarded emails, then just a Christmas card, then nothing. There are 2 or 3 from each place that we stay connected to. And yet, all together, they form "home." We always say we don't have a home. Military kids say "I'm from nowhere." Or, "I'm from everywhere." I guess our home is just not a place. It is people. It definitely is bigger than we are.

I was thinking the other day about WHY I love the "sisterhood" of the Army so much. Part of it, for me, is that I am very social and extroverted. I like to have people to talk to. There is a built in community in the Army. Lots of us are stay home moms, and we bond. But, aside from that, the "sisterhood" is bigger than just sisters. We have built in moms, big sisters, little sisters, "twin" sisters, and even the ocassional grandmother or daughter. I like it. I like that within one little army post I have people who have been where I am now, and are on to the next stage, people who are in my stage with me, and people who will follow me. Ask advice, share advice, give advice.

Civilian communities just don't have that. If they are lucky, they live near family, but that is rare, even in the civilian world these days. I love my tribe.

On a totally different note, I love the fact that the Army makes me and my kids color blind. (Two of my kids actually ARE color blind, but that isn't my point right now!) The other day, we were babysitting and we were watching a movie. One of the kids watching the movie with us was african-american. We were talking about one of the kids on the show, and he asked N. "Do you mean the brown boy?" N. said "I don't know what color he is. He's the short funny one." I love that. It isn't that he wasn't paying attention. He knew the kid was short and funny. He just didn't know the race. It has never occurred to him that it was important.

Not that we don't have our distinctions in the army--goodness knows the battle between the branches, or MOSs, will always rage. And, now that Uncle G is back in his green beret, we have that to harass each other about. I suppose that the "rank thing" is there as well, but we have been blessed enough to never encounter it as a troublesome issue. But, basically, it seems to me that race is about at the bottom of the list of important characteristics among soldiers, or at least their families. I always say during deployments that it really doesn't matter what rank our husbands are--they are all gone, and we are all still here! I guess it is the same thing. They all carry guns, go to very unsafe places, and stay there a long time. I couldn't care less what color someone's skin is. I just want to know if she is bringing dessert or salad to the next potluck and which one of us is watching the other's kids on what days!

Just to give you a little example of my own thought processes: The other day I was talking to a friend about last names. I mentioned a soldier who had a name similar to one she had in her family somewhere in the past. She asked what country his family was from, and I didn't know. She asked what ethnicity he was and I said "I can't remember. Either armor or infantry." I'm not kidding. She looked at me like I was nuts, and I couldn't figure out why she was confused. It's not that I don't know the meaning of the word "ethnicity." Apparently, it's just that my first thought as far as describing someone goes to their branch! Crazy!!

So, it is Sunday. . .my traditional day of tears and rambling to hold them off. With all that said, I will stop now. Just know that if my Army sisters (and moms and daughters) are reading this. . .I miss you--call or write or visit any time. I know I will miss this place when we are gone from here--but today, I am wishing for my front yard and the wine table on Rose Barracks where the rest of the "family" would walk by, stop by and chat, and plan what comes next.