Things Learned in Texas

This was forwarded to me by my friend, and fellow Texan who also recently moved to this other universe we refer to as Southern California. I have never felt as homesick as I did reading some of these. You may not understand them, but those of you who have been confused by my odd food or vocabulary choices may find it to be some insight into the way my mind works. I have highlighted the ones that specifically apply to my life in a very small east texas town!

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all 4 feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4, 998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, along with a few no one has identified yet.

Racoons will test your melon crop and let you know when it is ripe.

If it grows, it will stick to you, if it crawls, it will bite you.

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their houses (also referred to as bob wire--barbed wire for those who don't speak Texan.)

A tractor is not an all terrain vehicle. They DO get stuck.

Then wind blows 90 miles an hour from Oct. 2 to June 25, then it stops completely.

Onced and twiced are words. As are reckon, fixinto, and yonder.

Coldbeer is one word. It is pronounced "coalbeer."

People actually grow and eat okra.

Green grass DOES burn.

You can't run across the yard in the summer. The heat has made cracks in the ground so big, your whole foot will fall in and you'll break your ankle.

When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate at night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.

There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's breakfast, dinner, and supper.

Ordering "tea" means sweetened iced tea, and it is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two.

"Backwards and forwards" means "everything I need to know about you."

"Jeet?" is a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you are done or until it is to dark to see.

You measure distance in minutes or hours.

You switch from A/C to heat in the same day. And, you don't turn it on--you "cut" it on.

There are many types of fits, the most common of which are hissy and wall eyed--fits are not thrown, they are pitched. As in "Why are you pitchin' such a wall eyed fit?"

Stores don't have bags, they have sacks. And they don't have carts, they have buggies.

You see cars in the parking lots running with nobody in them all year round.

All festivals across the state are named for a fruit or vegetable.

You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.

You know what cow tippin' and snipe huntin' are.

You have 4 spices in your kitchen: salt, pepper, ketchup, and tabasco.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but take up six to cover Friday night high school football games.

The first day of deer season is a state holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You find 100 degrees "a tad warm."

The four seasons are summer, almost summer, still summer, and Christmas.

You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.

You know if another Texan is from North, South, East, or West Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

Going to WalMart is a favorite pastime referred to as "goin' Walmartin'" or "off to Wally World."

You describe the first cool snap (below 70) "good chili eatin' weather."

Regardless of the brand, all carbonated beverages are Cokes. You ask guests "Do you want a coke?" If they say yes you ask what kind.

If y'all don't understand these. . .I suggest you go to Texas and visit for a spell.