Shock

A kid in N's grade at school lost his dad on Friday. They aren't military. He was surfing with friends and everyone was done and getting back in the boats. He told his buddies he was going to "catch one more" wave, and that was it. They lost sight of him, and they don't know yet what happened.

I always thought that we were caught off guard by the deaths in the unit--especially when they were married or had kids. It seemed to me that we were shocked. But, I think that we must have been always waiting for it a little bit. Maybe we were holding our breath without knowing it, because this is TOTALLY shocking. I didn't know this family, but it has completely knocked me out of my comfort zone. Even more than when I knew the soldiers that died or their families.

I realize that civilian people die everyday. Maybe it wouldn't have been such a huge shock if he had been in a car accident. Or even shot--sadly, that seems relatively common these days. But the idea that he was with his buddies, doing something he loved--and now he's just gone. It is just too much to comprehend.

I don't think that their grief will be any more than or less than that of a soldier's family. When you have that much of your world and your heart ripped out at one time--the pain is an unmeasureable level anyway so there wouldn't be a way to compare, but I don't know how civilian people manage. They don't have the built in "systems" for managing all the affairs. They don't have anyone to help them.

This lady has 3 small kids--ages 8, 5, and 2. And she gets EXACTLY one week off of work. Her company allows 1 freakin' week of "bereavement leave." It makes me want to be sick to think of her having to go back to work--worrying about her kids, grieving for her husband. . .I can't imagine.

I don't think it is possible to "imagine" the pain of losing your spouse. And I can't imagine having to watch your child suffer that grief. I just can't imagine that poor little second grader. His sisters are really too little to comprehend. . .but he gets it. He's his daddy's only little boy. . .he knows what death means but he can't possibly wrap his mind around the full impact of it.

I truly don't understand the way God works sometimes. It is very hard to hold on to faith in the face of something like this. I suppose she can reassure herself that he was doing something that he loved in his final moments. . .but I doubt that is much comfort. What on earth can possibly be done to support her?

As I said, I don't know them, so I can't help much, other than to pray. I've offered to babysit during the service if she doesn't want to take the kids. They are taking restaurant gift card donations to give to the family, so we'll contribute to that. I hate feeling this helpless. If there was something I could do to make her feel better, I would charge in to her house, uninvited and do it. . .but there's just nothing out there.

Her friend told me that she said that she keeps having this urge to call the funeral home and ask if she can have a refund--just in case--because she keeps thinking he's going to walk back in the door any minute. Why do people have to suffer this? I just can't come up with ANYTHING that could possibly be so important in God's plan that he had to take a husband and father of 3. I just can't understand.