Texas Trip

So, we went home to visit for 3 1/2 weeks. Every time we go, I think that we have enough time, but no matter how long we are there, I still wish it was longer. . .Last year I was really proud of myself. I felt like I learned a lot while we were there in the summer. I finally felt like I had conquered that feeling of "my life is in Texas and I'm missing it." I think I had always felt like my "real" life was at home, and I wasn't there to live it, and I was missing out. Last summer I think I got past that. I sort of figured out that there are a lot of things that I AM missing when I am not in Texas--spending a lot of time with my family, the kids being close to their cousins, etc. But, my life is my life, and right now it isn't in Texas. So, the only way I miss out on it is if I don't live it! That carried me through the year, and I was thankful for the visits when family came here, and made sure I focused on appreciating what I do have in my life.

This summer I had another realization. My life may not be in Texas--but my heart is. Sigh. . .the irony of the whole situation really blows my mind. I can't go into that here, because I am blocking from my mind for now. I have thought it through. I know where I stand on it. I know the reality vs. the dream and I am concentrating on focusing on the positive.

Fortunately, I have developed many many coping skills when it comes to having to say goodbye. Unfortunately, coping isn't the same as curing. . .but--I am edging too close to moving the mind block. . .so on to the next topic.

While we were in Texas, we went to my mother's father's family reunion. It was really fun. We were there for 3 days, and it was interesting to talk to people that I am related to, but do not really know! The kids had a great time. There are a lot of the next generation around now, and they had a good time playing together. Somehow, I can't find any of the other pictures from the reunion, even though they were all on my camera at the same time. Hmmmm. . . .

My grandfather is one of 15 children. He is the next to youngest. Now, there are only 6 of them still living. They were all there, and it meant a lot to them to be able to have all of their families together.

After that reunion, was the 4th of July, which has sort of developed into a mini (not so small anymore) reunion. We usually go to the ?? every year. We hang out at the pool, they have games, barbeque, sno cones, pie--what more could you ask for? Then, they have a really good fireworks display. Of course, being overseas, we missed it for 5 years in a row. My poor kids have heard about it for their entire lives, and never gotten to see it! Last year, I was SO excited to share it with them. . .and it got rained out. RAIN! In Texas--in July! Who would ever think it? So, this year, I was even more excited. Guess what!

Record rainfall in Texas! Basically rained from February through July. Nice, huh? Again, we missed the fireworks. It was OK though, because a few days before, we went to the fireworks display in my little bitty hometown (which is not so little anymore.) It was the first one they've done, and it was OUTSTANDING!! They did a fabulous job!! The only issue was that J. was terrified. He sat in the floorboard in the backseat of the truck. So, it worked out well that we couldn't do the ones on the 4th, because the car would have been too far away to hide in!!

Anyway--instead of the club, we went to my dad's house and had brisket, swam at the pool, and had an altogether great time. With all the little ones, it was probably BETTER than the other plan, since they had a comfortable place to nap and snack. We let them do sparklers (which N. stepped on and burned his foot REALLY bad) before it even got dark, and they were all in bed by 9 or so--completely exhausted. What more can you ask for?

Here are some photos of the nieces and nephews. I didn't get one of M. that day. I was concentrating on getting a close up of everyone for the family tree I am making and I already have a BEAUTIFUL one of her, so I must have skipped her that day. (The one I already have of her is actually the inspiration for the tree. . .I can't wait until it is done. . .)

A few days later, we went to visit my mom's mom in East Texas. Sometimes she doesn't remember everybody or everything, but she remembered us! She told everyone that we were her "military grandchildren." She told the director of the nursing home, "I used to tell everybody that they were my Germany grandchildren, but now they live in ??, because S. is working for the Navy for a little while." Amazing that she remembered that. . .it is so funny how the human mind works! She knew exactly who S. and N. were, but she couldn't remember J. and R., even after she asked their names several times. . .I guess it is a short term memory thing. Anyway--I'm not sure she knew me. I think she knew my mom, but then she would look at me, and I look a lot like my mom, so I confused her. It was good to see her though.

It was funny to see the different reactions of my kids, though. N. was the typical softhearted kid that he always is. He talked to her and told her stories and showed her pictures. He was just exactly like my brother used to be (and still is) in those situations. R. was scared. The place, the old people, etc. all scared him. I knew exactly how he felt, because that's how I am. (I hide it better now that I'm older, but I still feel it.) S. kept trying to make him hug Nanny or whatever, and it was FREAKING him out. I don't believe that you should do that to kids. There is a difference between having manners and being scared to death. Anyway--J. was just his typical crazy self and made her laugh. He kept trying to steal the jello off of her tray and I wouldn't let him. Then I turned around a minute later and she was sneaking it to him! They were both laughing at me. It was pretty funny!

Of course, I cried when I left. It is strange for me, since I don't see her that often. As we were leaving and she kept saying goodbye to me and "goodbye little boy" to J, since I was holding him, I kept having flashes back to when she buried my brother and I in the sand at the lake, when she taught me how to dive at the swimming pool at my mom's apartment, the day my brother realized he was taller than her (he was probably 10 years old or something! She's short) And then, there she is, in a rocking chair--not wanting us to leave. Heartbreaking. Major guilt inducing. One really cool thing happened, though. I was holding J. and we were leaving. I didn't say anything to him, but she said "Bye little boy!" and he said "Bye Nanny! Love you!" It melted me.

Just as a side note, when we left, we forgot the photo album. We went back to get it, and I just ran in. There is a man there who is about 45. He's been there since his early 20s, having been in a motorcycle accident and suffered a major head injury. Apparently, he sits on the front porch and talks to himself or whoever walks by about all kinds of things. Well, as I ran in, I don't know exactly what he said to me because he kind of mumbles. All I could make out was that he started the sentence with "Ma'am." I am facinated by the fact that a man who had a head injury more than 20 years ago, and sits and talks about nothing to anyone or no one all day, still has the manners to refer to a woman that he doesn't know as "ma'am." That's Texas for you. I hope that I am doing as good a job of teaching my kids manners as that guy's mom must have. And of course, I cried more when I thought of that!!

When we left there we went to Cousin M's house. My "little cousin" A, is about 12 years younger than me, and her daughter is J's age. The boys had fun with her at the reunion, and couldn't wait to see her at her house--she has HORSES!!! It was NOT easy to get them out of there! They were quite tired on the way home! The next weekend was my high school 15 year reunion. It was REALLY a lot of fun. It was SO much better than the 10 year. It seemed like at the 10 year, everyone still had something to prove. Almost like they were still in high school. This time, everyone was much more mellow. Most folks were married or in serious relationships, and at least half have kids. It was cool that everyone really seemed to enjoy talking to everyone. Obviously, we all spent most of our time talking to the people we spent most of the time in high school with, because that's who you want to catch up with, but it seemed to me like we were all genuinely happy to see everybody. Even those who weren't our best friends 15 years ago.

The other thing that was really great is that everyone's spouses seemed to have a good time too. There wasn't any of that uncomfortable "left at the table with no one to talk to" issue. Everyone mingled with each other and had a good time. I didn't get a lot of time to talk to everyone's spouses in depth, but at least in the few minutes I did talk to them, everyone seemed really nice and pleasant. I love that. The people that I graduated from high school with really were exceptional. My class got along so well, and was full of really good people--I'm so glad that so many seem to have found such great matches!!

My best friend from high school, T, and I planned the reunion. Actually, she did all the work. I just decided I wanted us to have one, and then threw it all at her. Never mind that she was working full time, has 3 kids, and was starting school! Anyway--I love that I can go months without talking to her and then pick a conversation like no time has gone by! Her husband and her kids are really great too, which makes it a lot of fun to hang out with them.

She's on the weight loss wagon too, and has lost over 70 pounds! Amazing!!! I so proud of her (of both of us, actually!!) She is in the black shirt in the middle in this picture.

The next day was my dad's dad's family reunion. That was fun too. I love my cousins so much. I remember when I was a little kid, watching our parents sit and talk. You can sit in my grandmother's den and see the kitchen table. My cousins and I would be playing in the den and my dad and his sisters and their spouses would sit and around that table and talk and laugh all day! I mostly remember the laughing. I thought that was so weird. That adults could be perfectly entertained just SITTING there all day! Now, one of my very favorite things to do is to sit around that SAME round kitchen table with all my cousins. We laugh and laugh--and our kids are in the den playing. Probably thinking that we are SO WEIRD that we just sit there and laugh!!

We got to ride horses at Aunt F and Uncle B's house too!!! N. is big enough to ride by himself now, and he did great. At one point, the horse had a different plan than he did, but he did a great job and handled it all on his own!!!

I am the oldest cousin, and the next oldest is B. He's 11 months younger than me. I have always felt this special connection to him. We didn't live close to each other growing up, so we didn't get to have a real close every day relationship, but something has always felt special about him to me. Maybe it is because for a while we were the only ones and I can still remember us playing in the backyard with the tricycles and eating popcicles!! I don't know. But anyway--it was good to see him. He's an amazing guy, and even though he doesn't realize it, he may have saved my marriage a couple of times with some things he has said to me. Like it or not, they've stuck in my head, and I've needed them. He's a Marine, and because of an injury, he had to leave his unit before he wanted to. He has a unique perspective on a few issues I've dealt with over the last couple of years. I think that the comments he made were kind of just in passing, but they had a major impact on me. I love him. (sorry for the mushy!)

Anyway--I didn't get too many good pictures, but I got a few. I was so busy playing with all those kids!!!
The next week the older two boys went to sports camp at my dad's church. N. played basketball and R. played baseball. It was summer in Texas, so they were very hot, but they had a great time and really learned a lot. R. was so proud to be doing a "big kid" thing. He's never really been taken to an activity and dropped off before. I always stayed through his whole soccer practice, and school's not the same. It was very fun for him to be included in this event. He made a lot of improvement in baseball too!

N. learned a lot of basketball skills. He recently developed an interest in it, but hadn't really played much. He did enjoy it, so we'll probably sign him up to play somewhere this winter. He again showed his strong character when he realized that there was a boy in his group who didn't get the ball very often. He asked his coach to put him on that boy's team for the scrimmage on the last day, so that he could make sure to pass to that boy so he'd get to have the ball. He did it too, and the kid played well. I can't get over how amazingly intuitive he is. I think it makes him get his feelings hurt frequently, but he is SO KIND and does such amazing things for other people. A blessing and a curse for him, I suppose.

Unfortunately, I was so concerned with sunscreen and water bottles and hats and gloves and cleats etc, that I didn't remember to take the camera to sports camp. . . boo! What kinda soccer mom am I???

After sports camp one day, we got to meet my sorority little sister and her kids at the Water Park. It is a small, city owned park that is perfect for smaller kids, because it doesn't have a lot of slides and stuff. It is basically one giant pool with a wading pool attached and a little "lazy river." Enough to keep them busy, but not so much that they could get lost. It was really fun to see them. Her kids are beautiful, and SO sweet. They are just so much fun to be around. Of course, again, I forgot the camera! Next time we go to Texas, I'll plan the "sorority reunion" better and I'll remember the camera!!

The day before we left, we went back to the water park. This time, with my sister and sisters in law--and of course, the "matriarch" of the family--Nana. I wonder if it makes a person feel old to be called the matriarch? I don't know, but it is definitely an appropriate title with this many kids and kids in law and grand kids to your name!!

I actually remembered the camera this time! At one point, I realized that all the kids were in one central location! They were eating lunch, so they are a mess, and baby W. is asleep in his carseat--but there they are. . .all in one spot! We had a really fun time. We were a little irritated with the men for bailing on us, but secretly, I think it turned out better. It was so fun to spend time with just the "girls" and the kids. When we are all together, we end up busy talking to our husbands. This way, we got to spend time hanging out and talking with each other. Of course, they were conversations interrupted by potty breaks and requests for snacks--there were 8 grandchildren with us--but it was great fun anyway. That is one of the reasons I wish we lived there. It is SO much fun to be with all of them. I think I could live next door to them forever and just be better and better friends--never getting "too close for comfort." It makes me sad when they are talking about getting together for lunch or whatever. I truly wish I could be a part of that. . .

The only minor problem (my own insecurity and issues--not theirs) is that my sisters are SO pretty. All 3 of them. Doesn't matter if they had a baby 4 weeks earlier or they just got out of bed and haven't showered in 2 weeks. They are PRETTY. I always feel like the old, frumpy housewife next to the 3 of them. I did ok this trip. I had a little more confidence and comfort in my own skin, due to the recent exercise and weight loss. A minor break into hysteria when I realized I had forgotten the wrap skirt that goes with my swimsuit, but they had one for sale in the gift shop, so all was saved.

What a fabulous way to end the trip!

The next day, we left. Pop and Nana and Cousin L took us to the airport. That, of course, was HORRENDOUS. I hate goodbyes. Airports are even worse. I was actually thankful when they stopped letting people go to the gate. At least it gives a shorter amount of time for the goodbye. Sort of like ripping a band aid off. (Speaking of that, has anyone noticed that band aids don't hurt when you take them off anymore? How'd they do that? And why didn't they do it when I was little?)

It dawned on me on the flight home that it is never going to get easier. I've been doing this for 11 years--this saying goodbye--27 if you include the going back and forth between divorced parents. I think I've subconciously assumed that it would eventually get easier. I realized this trip that it won't. That is not an easy realization to come to. I'm not sure how to handle it, actually. And thus, the reason for the mind block--which I have again edged to close to, so that's it for today!

I'm sure a lot more stuff happened during our 3 weeks in Texas that I will remember and write about later, but I wanted to get this stuff on here, before the warm fuzzy feeling of the memories left me!