Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me

Something about the title of this post sounds familiar. I know it is the name of an old country song--but it is more than that. I think I've probably used it as a title before. Which should probably tell me to stop writing now and get over myself. And yet, I write. Because it makes me feel better. I think.

Anyway--today was just kind of a downer for me. Nothing SAD happened. Just kind of down. S and his team are on their way to Ft. Polk for some training. They stopped at my mom's church for a GIANT pot luck dinner. Given only 2 days notice, a tiny church of about 100 people threw together a shindig to feed 25 soldiers several times over. Very cool.

My little nephew got to go too. He is VERY into "Army men" so the idea of meeting some real ones was pretty cool for him. Apparently, he was a little shy at first, but eventually had a great time.

The soldiers were thrilled, because they are tired of mess hall food. The church members were thrilled because they are "adopting" the team to send care packages for the next year, and they are excited to have faces to put with names. Also, the idea of being "up close and personal" with a soldier is pretty cool to them...I guess it has become such a normal thing to me, I had no idea it was such an event. My army boy nephew was thrilled because he got to meet real Army men. My sister was thrilled because her kid was thrilled, and isn't that the best thing a mom can get? (even though her car got broken into last night--sucko!) So, everyone had a great time.

It made me sad. Not necessarily jealous (although of course I wish I had been there) just kind of lonely. But, I'm glad they got to do it--very cool when everyone involved in something gets so much out of it--especially when they only had a couple of days to pull it off!

So, after hearing about that, I went to sign my lease. Thankfully, we don't have to move while S is gone. But, it was sad to sign it by myself and then sign my name and write "for S.--POA." Lonely again.

THEN--I did a little easter shopping, since I am a horrible mother and have not gotten all that done yet. While I was there, I remembered I needed a new pillow. So I bought one. One. 'Cause I'm the only one in the bed who needs a new pillow. Lonely again.

Finally, I came home and checked email and had a note about a new friend on Facebook. Mind you, I have no idea how to work facebook. I have a page, and once in a while I get an email that says someone wants to be my friend, or someone has left me a note. I click on the link and it takes me to it. I have no idea how to get there myself, and only rarely figure out how to comment back. Anyway--as is the black hole that is facebook, I was clicking around a while and a bunch of people I went to high school with were commenting back and forth on each other's pages about hanging out together, getting together to play golf or have a barbeque. Lonely again.

Not that I have ever gotten to hang out with high school friends since we graduated--I've never lived close enough. AND--I have friends all over the world. AND--I have friends here. But, that did not matter in those moments because I wanted to go to that barbeque. I'm lonely.

I will be better tomorrow, but today I feel sorry for me. I AM NOT sobbing and hiding. Just a bit down. And I have imposed a 12 hour limit. So, in the middle of the night I will have to cut it out.

Oh--and I ate 2 apple pies at McDonalds. 6 Weight Watchers points each, in case you are wondering. They aren't even good. Ever since they took away that delicious fried goodness that used to be the apple pies (and heaven help me I sometimes dream about the cherry ones! Anyone remember those??) they aren't that good. The baked ones are a pitiful excuse for McDonalds dessert! Boo! And yet--2. I ate 2. You can't buy 1. You buy 2 for $1. And then--you must eat them both. I suppose if there was someone with you, you could give them the other one. But, I probably wouldn't. I offered it to R and J, but they turned me down (and I didn't really want to give it to them anyway!) So, I ate both since there was no one to share with me--wow, that's lonely too. And I didn't even think of it that way in the moment. So--I guess I should stop writing now--I'm creating new reasons to be down, when my time limit rapidly approaches!

I will smile in the morning!