Throwdown in the Grocery Store Parking Lot

Ok my gracious. I seriously almost beat the crap out of a middle aged snotty woman at the grocery store today. I'm not kidding. I truly clenched my fists and started to follow her...but you should probably hear it from the beginning before you decide to have me committed (or arrested.)

We had just finished swimming lessons and went to the grocery store. I try VERY HARD not to ever go to the grocery store with three kids in tow, but at this point, I only needed one thing, I had to buy it today, and we were already out. So, we were getting out of the car. N was out, and standing at the back of the van, waiting for me to get the little ones out. They didn't have shoes on, so it was taking them a moment (or five).

Suddenly, a grocery cart goes FLYING past the back of our car, headed toward the store. N yells, "A cart! It's going to hit a car!" and he started chasing it. I yelled "N Stop! You'll get run over!" I was still between two cars, so no one could see me, but I hear a woman's voice say "That's nice" in a snide way.

N comes around the car to me and said "Did you hear her? She thinks I pushed that cart!" He was just about in tears because I guess the lady was griping at him for pushing the cart into traffic. About the time I said "Was she talking to you?" She came past the car and saw me standing there. She gave N that look that grown ups use on other people's kids. It said "I'm not going to tell your mom what you did, but you are a bad kid, and since I am looking at you like this, she's going to ask you what you've done and YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!!"

Well--little did she know what my emotional state is at the moment (not to mention how I feel about ANYONE making my kid cry.) I said "He DID NOT do that. He didn't push that cart." (I'm now walking toward her because she was still moving.) "He was chasing it to stop it, and I made him stop so he wouldn't get run over."

She said "Oh. Well, it looked like he did it." And she kept walking. That's it? Are you kidding me lady? You just humiliated my kid and hurt his feelings and that's all you can say?

At this point, she is 3 or 4 cars away and I actually yelled at her (you are NOT going to be proud of me that I did this) "WELL, HE DIDN'T DO IT, AND EVEN IF HE HAD, HE'S MY KID, AND IF SOMEONE NEEDS TO DISCIPLINE HIM IT WILL BE ME, BITCH!"

Ok, seriously, crazy girl? Was that necessary? No, probably not. But, she was so snotty and she JUST KEPT WALKING when I was trying to explain it to her! How rude! So THEN N was basically trying to crawl under the car and he said "Do I have to talk to her?"

I said "No, but she needs to talk to you!" And then I yelled at her again "YOU COULD AT LEAST APOLOGIZE TO THE LITTLE BOY YOU MADE CRY!!!"

Then she got in her car. She never took her eyes off me, and she wove through a bunch of parked cars to get out of the parking lot so she wouldn't have to drive past me. I'm sure she thought I was going to attack her. Maybe she saw my Texas plates and thought I was going to pull out my shotgun and aim it at her.

I have to say, that if I DID have a shotgun, I would never have it in my car. And, I would NEVER point it at someone--we teach gun respect and gun safety in Texas--but man oh man did I want to slap that chick! I probably wouldn't have, but I REALLY wanted to.

So, there you have it. I mostly think I have my emotions in check and under control, but basically, they are boiling under the surface, always on the lookout for an excuse to explode just a little. N. told me later that he was planning what he should do if I really walked over to the lady. He said he would have pushed the little ones back in the car and closed the doors.

I assume that means he was embarrassed (but I have to think that part of him was glad that I yelled at that lady. He doesn't like to be accused of something--particularly when he didn't do it.)

Does this mean I need a therapist?

First and Last Days of School

I am a Magazine...I Have Issues

Ok, it seems to me that the "honeymoon phase" of the deployment is over. Meaning, the "We're a strong military family, we can do it! Nothing's gonna bring us down!" We are now sad and settling into the reality of the LONG time that this deployment is going to be. (We are actually just now at the 1 year countdown...)

So, I know that part of my current mental state is the above. And, the fact that my children are all in that same state, and handling it in different ways--a post entirely of its own. But, I am having a really weird issue in conjuction with this.

Here it is. I am sad that the school year is over because I feel like everyone is abandoning me. There. Stupid, huh? I have been thinking about it for several days, and here's how I have psychoanalyzed (heavy on the psycho) myself.

First, the school is basically our center of gravity. We all four spend at least 2 hours there everyday...and the kids are there more than that (so am I, most days). We are all feeling like our world is tilting when we don't have the school schedule to guide us. Kind of like that weird feeling of not knowing when to fix dinner when daddy is deployed, since we normally eat when he walks in from work!

Second, R feels like he is losing a parent. He loves Mrs. D so much (and so do I). She is so in tune with him and he is so connected to her. It is almost like the same way he felt when he said goodbye to S (and remember...that did not go well). I am not sure he is going to handle tomorrow (the last day of school) well at all.

Third, this again brings up the fact that I don't really have friends here. I stay super busy all the time. I know everyone. There are lots of people that I like and that would totally be there for me if I needed them. But, no one comes over and sits in the yard and drinks iced tea and watch the kids play with me. My only adult interaction is through the school, and now that will be gone for a while.

I am feeling so lonely, and this is making it worse. Plus, I am homesick. I don't want to go to Texas this summer--something in my heart is telling me that the right thing to do is to stay here, but this is when I am usually planning that trip (we've gone every summer since we moved here), and I am missing it.

I keep picturing my aunt's backyard with the kids climbing on that crazy giant waterslide in their underwear. I miss my family--not just my immediate family, but my extended one.

Now I think I am just rambling because I am crying and don't really know what else to do. I am sure that the summer will be great fun and we will have tons of things to do. But, tonight, before the last day of school...I am so sad.

Crutches All Around--Round 2

Seriously--it's starting to become funny now. Except for the pain--that part isn't very funny. If you read my post about our injuries to our feet, you would kind of think we had gotten our year's worth of injuries behind us, right?

Well, apparently not. Tonight, N broke his toe. Walking. That's it. That's all he was doing. Walking. Of course, he had no shoes on (because he is my child) and his toe just "folded over" and he stepped down on it and broke it. He now has a VERY FASHIONABLE rigid shoe to wear and is back on the crutches to finish out the school year. Fun fun.

Cross your fingers that the "bad things come in threes" rule actually does apply here, which would mean that this would be the last one. I don't want it to be a "your turn, my turn" thing. I don't want it to be my turn again.

Books

Ok, here's how lazy I am. I want you (anyone who reads this--feel free to comment anonymously if it will help me. You still don't have to admit that you read my blog if you don't want to) to do my reading list for me.

I love to read. Maybe too much (I have been known to ignore all tasks of the day, including cooking dinner, because I am into a book). I also read very fast. I generally finish a book in one day unless it is over 500 pages. That being said, I find it a waste of money to buy books when I can check them out of the library that is less than 2 miles from my house.

However, I love to browse through bookstores, because I can see the books and read the jackets to choose what to get. I can't do that at the library, because you can only see the spines. (I am the publishing company's cover design department's dream customer.) That's really the only way I am originally drawn to a book, because I forget to look up "must read" lists in magazines or wherever before I go to the store.

So, I thought I would just ask around (meaning you) and get some suggestions. Then, to be even LAZIER, I will get online, request all the books, and wait for the library to let me know that they are there. They will be held for me in the first shelf in the door. I can be in and out in less than 5 minutes. (Just so you know, this is not really out of laziness--at least not the request list part. It is out of necessity because if I take my kids in there and browse, we'll all be banned because they don't yet get "library etiquette.")

Here are the only stipulations.
1) Must be fiction. Even historical fiction is ok, but I don't want to read non fiction. I just don't. Reading is an escape for me, and I don't want to know about the world's problems when I am on a break!
2) Must not be sad. Same reason as before, this is an escape. If I want sadness, I'll watch the news.
3) Must not be too predictable. Harlequin romances just don't keep me interested. All of the storylines are the same, and most of the characters names are too.
4) Must occur in this world. I'm just not really into science fiction or space stories. (Although adaptations on this world are ok. I loved the Twilight series. I was 1/2 way through the second book before I realized that they were written for teenagers.)

Ok, just so it is more fair, here are some recent books I've read that you might want to check out.
1. Water for Elephants
2. The Lost Hours
3. Three Cups of Tea (Non fiction, actually. A good book, but took me much longer to read than fiction would. Also, he doesn't like the military very much, so that was a little hard to get past.)
4. The Time Traveler's Wife (if you have the same rule as #2 above, don't read it. I was NOT happy)
5. Sunday at Tiffany's.
6. Don't Even Think About It

Oh--here's one I saw at the bookstore the other day that I am going to check out. As it turns out, it too is non fiction, so maybe that rule #1 needs to be tweaked a little. But, right now I am too tired to think of how to rephrase it. Just go with "there are exceptions to every rule"!)

A Million Little Pieces.

Crutches for Everyone!

Remember when I said that my one prayer is that I will stay healthy during this deployment? That if everything stays as UNEVENTFUL as the first couple of months were, we'd be doing great? Well, we are still hanging on, but we've had a few close calls.

N fell out of a tree a few weeks ago. He landed flat on both feet (of course, no shoes on--he is MY child, after all!) I iced it and gave him motrin, and he seemed fine, but then it would swell up again after he was moving around for a while. He was still hobbling around after about 3 days, so I took him for an xray. They said it wasn't broken, but very bruised, and like any other bruise, if you keep banging away at it (in this case, taking steps) it will take longer to heal.

The doctor said "If you want it to heal more quickly, I can either splint it, or put him on crutches." Well, here's my theory--every boy wants to be on crutches once in his life. Until he realizes how much it SUCKS. I even saw N's eyes kind of flicker as the doctor said it. So--I figured, put him on the crutches--in the 48 hours or so it takes to feel better, he'll get really sick of being left out of all the games, falling behind everyone on the way to lunch, and getting his ribcage rubbed raw by the arms of the crutches.

He was quite excited to leave the doctor's office. He didn't mind sitting in the culdesac watching everyone play basketball (because, of course, they all first came over and checked out the crutches and heard about the doctor visit.)

By evening, he was asking to have the crutches padded and band aids put on his sides because of the rubbing (it actually gave him a weird blister...) And by the 3rd day (Friday--baseball game day) he was healed. Hated the crutches and the foot felt better. Perfect.

That was Friday. The next Wednesday (this week) I was running down the SAME road I run every day. The kids had ridden scooters to school and J was riding his home and I was running behind him. We were just going to go pick up the stroller and go for the long run. All of a sudden, I rolled my ankle and went DOWN. In the split second it took to hit the ground I thought "Don't land on J, call clients and cancel workouts, don't break the phone."

I thought I was going to pass out. It hurt so much!!! I really thought it was broken! I hit the speed dial button on my phone for my neighbor, because I knew J would recognize her voice and could talk to her if I did pass out. I was crying and just said "I fell. I'm hurt. Come get me." I could hear her running for the car as she was trying to understand me telling her where I was.

I had just gotten an email on my phone that S was waiting to talk to me on Skype, and had told him I was on my way. For some reason, I wrote him again and said "Fell. Hurt ankle. C coming." I don't know why I did that. I was still in major pain, but I didn't want him to be sitting around waiting on me.

She came and got me and took me home. My other neighbor is a nurse, and between the three of us we decided I didn't need an xray. I was pretty sure it was tendon pain, because of the motions that hurt.

It is much better now. I can walk without any pain, and I keep a brace on it to keep the tendon still until it heals. I don't expect to be able to run for a couple of weeks, but it could have been so much worse. If I had broken it, it would have been in a cast, and then I couldn't drive. This is such a busy time of year, I don't know what I would have done with all the kids activities and stuff I have to get done!! I am grateful that it wasn't worse!!

It does look pretty ugly, though. Bruising covers most of the outside of my foot, but the swelling is going down quickly. I have an excellent brace that I can wear shoes and flip flops with. Guess why I have that brace...because I have done this before!!!

When S was a company commander, they were finishing a brigade run, and it was raining. As they came through the parking lot, I was running backwards trying to get a picture of him at the front of the formation with the guidon. I fell in front of the whole company. S couldn't stop and help me up, because the entire group would have run over us both. Soldiers didn't want to stop because he hadn't stopped so they figured they couldn't. Finally, one of them helped me up. I was so humiliated!! Anyway--Uncle G got me the brace then. I've kept it because when you're as clumsy as I am, it isn't a question of IF you'll need it again--it's just when!

My Famous Kids

So, you may remember me mentioning that my kids model for my friend who is a photographer for a stock photo website. J was on a billboard in Baton Rouge at Halloween. Many of their pictures have sold, but we rarely know where they are used (most are probably in small publications because they are sold in small resolutions).

Anyway--this is the most recent one we found. Unfortunately, I can't let R see it, because I just don't want to explain it now. The funny thing is that this is the Childrens Hospital near my home! This is a newsletter that they put out. There could be friends of mine who get this newsletter! (They won't know it is my kid, but still--it just seems weird that the internet makes the world so small!!)

Ok, here he is:
http://www.childrensmedicalcenterdallas.com/YourChildsHealth/eYCH/2009/05-Talking-with-younger-children-about-sex.htm

Take Your Own Advice!!

Sometimes I think I should take my own advice a little better. I sometimes hear myself talking to someone and think, "Wow! That's a good piece of advice I just gave her!" and then I will be in a similar situation, and completely forget what I said and do the exact opposite.



My biggest plan for the deployment is to make sure that the kids don't get too tired. That is when they get really sad (although I think sometimes it is just a ploy to get to sleep in my bed--and they HOG the whole thing!!) Anyway--I figure if I can make sure they get enough sleep, and that they go to bed BEFORE they are really tired, they won't get too sad. It has totally been working, and I have patted myself on the back a few times about how genius that was to think it up before he even left!



"Great idea!" I have told myself. "You are such a veteran army wife. You are getting so good at coping strategies! (and at using phrases like 'coping strategies!')" Is that some crazy punctuation or what??



So, over the last few days, I've been a little sadder than I was the first few weeks. I've thought that I was just getting to the "reality" of it or that I was stressed about all the things I need to get wrapped up for the end of the school year. Well, guess what! I'm TIRED!!!



I really like sleep. A lot. I don't get a ton of it, because I don't sleep very soundly at night. Even when S is home, I like to go to bed early (9:30 is the middle of the night for me!) and I'd love it if I could sleep late in the morning. Today I realized I have been staying up MUCH TOO LATE (approximately 10:30). We went to bed last night at 8:45--all of us. And, I felt so much better today.



So, what have we learned? Yes, I was correct in thinking that not going to bed early makes you sleepy. And, no, I have not yet learned to take my own advice.



And on that note, I must go to bed. It is 10:21.

Awwww...

I was just scrolling down my blog and saw my little "blinkie" and it brought tears to my eyes. I guess I don't read down that far very often, because I had forgotten it for a while...

Damn! (Oops...I meant Yay!!)

N's team made it in to the playoffs. I truly am happy for them, but for heaven's sake! Does baseball season really have to last for 28 months a year? Goodness gravy I am tired. I really like baseball, but I don't see why it can't just be a 10 game season like football and be done with it already!

His games during the week start at 6pm. They aren't over until 8:30. We have to be there at 5 for warm ups, which means we are at the field for 3 1/2 hours. It is too early to feed them dinner before we go (who eats at 4pm?) and by the time we walk in the house after the game they are STARVING. Obviously, that is too late to cook something, but I can't just be taking something out of the oven, because I've been gone for 3 1/2 hours!!!!!

I try to do stuff in the crock pot, but since there are so many things that we don't like, it basically is "chicken with some kind of soup poured on top." Yum. It is actually ok for the first 500 games, but after that it starts to get repetitive. I've been trying to take dinner to the field with us, so at least the little two can eat at a decent time (and I feed N through the fence quite a bit so we don't face that horrible low blood sugar vomit/pass out thing he does so well!!)

Tonight I actually made barbeque ribs, mashed potatoes, and green beans. It was delicious. Too bad we were eating on paper plates with plastic forks shaped like animals. (Not that that made the food taste different...I just feel like complaining a little!)

So, back to the original point...we are in the playoffs. And, joy of joys...it is double elimination, so we have AT LEAST TWO more games. Seriously? Do we REALLY need to play this much baseball? The only good part is that N has not been hitting well, and I'd like him to finish out the season on a high note. We are going to spend a good portion of this weekend at the batting cages, so the last few games might give him a chance to do something at the plate. I expect that we will only play two playoff games...who knows.

R has a game tomorrow and a game next Saturday. His games are like pulling teeth, but he has a great time. I'm glad about that, but I will not be too sad to bid Tball farewell....we are all ready to move on to soccer (which I will be coaching so that J can play). No wonder time goes by so fast--we spend it at school and sports fields and asleep. That's about the story of our lives!

The Goodbye

So--he came home. He was here two weeks. We took the family pictures you see below. And then it was time again for the goodbye. How would I do? Have I actually gotten ANY better at this at all? Would watching the kids say goodbye make me revert to childhood and freak completely out?

I had a conversation with a wonderful mentor Army wife a few days before he left. It was nice to hear that everyone still gets sad when the husband leaves and that I'm not totally crazy. (Although, when I shared with her the story of laying in the floor holding on to his boots, she may have considered calling in a psychiatrist to give me a drug or two!!) Anyway--I had forgotten how nice it is to talk to someone that understands the acronyms, the paradoxical feelings of pride and fear, that can say "I know how you feel" and actually really know, but would never say "I know how you feel" because she also respects the fact that everyone's situation is unique. That conversation was truly a blessing and calmed my spirit as I prepared for the goodbye two days later. So, if you are reading this--thank you. You have no idea how much it helped. (And thanks for the encouraging text the day of goodbye...that was helpful too!!)

So--here's how it went down. We kept the kids home from school that day, so they could go to the airport. We all had Tshirts on that looked like this (substitute "dad" and "brat" for "husband" and "wife" on the kids shirts....ummm, you probably knew that, right?) and S was in uniform...so we weren't very incognito, but we tried to stay out of the way.

Front of shirts:

Back of shirts:

The lady at the ticket desk started to give us a hard time about going to the gate with him. I thought--"after all the letters I've written and compliments I've given to tell Southwest Airlines how much I love them, this chick is about to ruin all of it, and I am going to beat her up." I don't know what her issue was, but it gotten taken care of and we got to go to the gate with him.

We were a little early, and the plane was a little delayed, so we sat there for a while. Not much to do and it gets a little long. The boys played with the computer and watched planes come in and out. About 20 minutes before time for him to get on the plane, I was standing behind R, and he started shaking. I kind of thought he was having a seizure, because his shoulders were moving in a really weird way.

I walked around in front of him and he was sort of crying, sort of moaning. He said "Don't go Daddy. Please don't go. Stay here with us!!" Sob. Sob. Oh no!!! Now we will all break down! Here it comes! Find somewhere to hide!!!! Fortunately, we were way over in a tiny corner and no one really noticed us, I don't think. S started to cry and held R in his lap and just kind of rocked him and talked to him.

About 15 minutes later, we had to move over to the lineup area, and as S started to put his stuff down, R started again. He couldn't even control it and he was sobbing really loud. S put down his bags and sat down on the floor, legs straight out, and gathered R up in his arms. There was no way the kid was going to stop crying. I started to say something to him, and then I saw a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. What the HELL?? I turned around and some random guy was standing at the gate desk with a little point and shoot camera TAKING PICTURES OF MY FAMILY SAYING GOODBYE. I was not thrilled, but I thought it was a one time thing, a touching photo of a soldier saying goodbye to his baby.

No, no. This guy actually started walking around us, taking all kinds of pictures as each of us said goodbye to S. Keep in mind that I was not my "usual self." My usual self was in the back of my head screaming at me to go beat the hell out of that guy with all the sadness that was in me. But, holding two crying kids prevented it, so I pushed him out of my thoughts for a little bit. I tried to keep my body positioned so that he couldn't see S's name tape, but I am sure that he got some shots of it. Anyway...

I handed R to N so I could say goodbye. It was a pitiful picture to watch a 9 year old try to bravely hold his 6 year old brother while they both cried. A really old man (probably a vet, I think) came up behind the boys and patted their backs and talked to them while I was talking to S. N told me later that the guy told them, "Don't worry. Your daddy will be back. You're doing a great job." How sweet. The kindness of strangers...

As S hugged me, he whispered, "If the guy with the camera follows you, get a TSA agent." I said OK, although my usual self was coming back and she was pretty sure that no TSA agent would be necessary, as she had thought through the different punches she would be delivering to the camera guy's nose!

I took R back as S started to hand the paperwork to the gate guy, and R started to yell again. "Daddy! Daddy, I love you. Daddy!!! Daddy!!!!" It was awful. I convinced them all to be quiet for a second so that we could count to three and say "We love you Daddy," just as he started down the gangplank.

So, we did that, and then we sat for a minute and tried to get a grip. That was hard too, because people kept coming over and saying "Thank you for the sacrifices that all of you make. We appreciate your husband's service and we know you guys serve too. Thank you for everything you do." Oh, my gosh--MORE CRYING!!! It was so sweet, but it made me cry!

As we started to walk out, N said "Mom, there's that guy." He WAS following us! Sweet--I will beat him up, and then take pictures of his bloody nose and black eyes with his own camera! Fantastic outlet for this emotion!!!! Then I decided I wasn't at the top of my game, and probably not thinking to clearly, AND I was carrying two crying kids and dragging a third, so better to just get out.

I thought it would be best to get outside the security area, because he surely wouldn't follow me, since he was about to get on a plane. Then, I thought, what if he does follow me? He can just go BACK through security...I don't want to be away from the TSA agents in case I need their help (although, they didn't look really "intimidating" if you know what I mean). So, I just stopped, turned around, and looked at him. Have you ever seen my mean face? I think it is more intimidating than the TSA agents, for sure.

I said "What?" He said "If you'd like copies of the pictures I took of your family, I could send them to you."

What I thought: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do I LOOK stupid to you? Why the hell would I give my contact information to some random asshole taking my picture in an airport? I realize that it is a public place, so you can't expect to have a private moment, but that certainly doesn't mean you and I are now going to be buds you JACKASS!!!

What I actually said: "I'm not giving you my information." He said "I could give you my phone number and you could call me if you want them."

I said "I want your phone number and your name please." He gave them to me and I saved them in my phone. THEN he said "It is just awful to watch you guys be torn apart like that. It is just horrible."

Oh SHIT! If this is some anti-war whacko that thinks he is going to use pictures of my family to promote some "army destroying families" agenda, then my usual self really IS going to come out and this dude is in SERIOUS trouble.

I said "Today is hard. Tomorrow we will be fine. We VOLUNTEER to do this." and we walked away.

Sometimes I like to shock N, because it makes him feel older (since I say stuff to him I wouldn't say to the little ones) and also to make him laugh. So, I turned to him and said "If that guy publishes our picture in an anti-war article, I swear I will hunt him down and beat his ass!" It worked--N almost fell on the floor laughing.

It would have been different if the guy had come to me and said "Hey, I have a camera with me, would you like some pictures of your family together before your husband leaves?" I could have said "Sure! That would be great!" or "Get out of my face before I slap you!" But, either way, it would have been my option. One of my favorite pictures is S and I saying goodbye before the last deployment. A friend took it, and then took one right when he got home too. Similar positioning, but amazing differences in the body language and facial expressions. Anyway--he didn't ask me, so therefore I did not like him.

So, we start leaving the airport, and I start the best "Army Mom" routine I have. "Boys--starting right now, we get to count down. We've been getting ready for daddy to leave, and it was for a year, but starting RIGHT NOW, it gets less every minute!!" We walked past a big group, a family, waiting at the end of the baggage claim area with WELCOME HOME balloons. I don't know if they were waiting for a soldier or not, but I pointed them out the my kids. I said "Look!! Now we get to start getting ready for THAT!!" But, I still rushed them out of there so I didn't actually have to watch the reunion--I'm not that good of an actor!

As we walked along, a man came up next to me and said "Ma'am, I know this won't make you feel better, but I wanted to tell you thank you for what you and your kids are willing to do for our country. We appreciate your husband's service, but I know it must be very hard for all of you to let him do it, so thank you for your service too." He started to cry a little and said "I put my daughter on a plane every two weeks. She is only gone for a few days, but it is still awful for me. I can't imagine how hard this must be for your husband. He is a very good man to be willing to leave his wife and kids to serve all of us." Ummm. Wow. Again, the power of the kindness of strangers. I stopped moving and said "I'm not sure how to respond to that except to say that those were some of the kindest words I've ever heard. Thank you for saying that to me. You have no idea how much it means to me." And then I started to cry AGAIN and made a beeline for the door!

And then, GUESS WHAT!!!! I figured out that I actually AM getting better at this! Guess why? I took some of the advice that I always give OTHER people!!! I always tell people not to go directly home when the drop off their soldier. It just feels too empty. For some reason, if you do something else first, it is better. So, I told the kids we needed to go somewhere that we would all get to hang out with friends. The school happened to be having the fundraising auction, so we went to that. They went to the childcare room and played and ran with friends, and I hung out and talked to my friends (and bought "Principal for the Morning" for N for next school year).

Then we were really tired, and we went home to bed!

Saturday was a good day. We were busy and happy and I was proud that it only took me the one day to recover! That's much better than the time (times?) that I stayed mega-depressed the entire deployment.

Then Sunday came. It was awful. I don't particularly care that it was Mothers Day, but Sundays are hard for me anyway. Then, top it with the fact that it was the day they were flying from Kansas to Kuwait. Uck. I felt like he was falling off the face of the earth because I didn't know when or how I would talk to him again. I KNOW I will, because most of the posts have internet and phone service, but I didn't know how long it would take to get to Kuwait, what the communication would be like there, when they would get to Iraq, how long it would be before he could contact us from there, etc. etc.

I stayed home most of the day, because he could talk on Skype until time to pack up the computer. Then he could use his cell until they took off. I didn't really have anything to say, I just wanted to be "talking" to him as long as I could. Finally, I could hear the flight attendant saying "All cell phones must be turned off." So we said goodbye. We knew our cells didn't work in Europe, so I wouldn't hear from him til who knew when.

At 3:00am he called and said "My cell works in Europe! I know it is really expensive, but I just wanted to say Hi!"

Then, he called at 11am and said "My phone works in Kuwait!!" I know it is probably $100 a minute, so I won't stay on, but I wanted to tell you that it works and I'll keep in charged. We will use the regular phone system and computer (Skype) to talk, but in case there is some major emergency, you can call it."

I know that I WON'T call it, because I am VERY cheap, and because what good does that do? He can't jump on a plane and come back. But, for some reason, it made me feel a lot better! I know he's there and safe, and I'll talk to him when we can.

So, there you have it. I am sure that I will have some depressed days, but it appears that in 2 days I am a normal person. So, it turns out that I AM getting better at this. (But the horror of looking back at how awful I was during that Kosovo deployment is very embarrassing. I don't even know HOW I took care of N. He probably just watched TV for 7 straight months!) I hope he can't remember it!!

So, now it is back to the craziness of normal life. Teacher Appreciation Days, All Star Tryouts, camps to register for, swimming lessons, family coming to visit, etc. etc. If the rest of the year goes as quickly and as UNEVENTFULLY as the months in Kansas, we are all set!

By the way, I apparently didn't push "save" when I entered camera guy's name and number into my phone (I'm not very technologically savvy, and I was a bit distracted.) N says it was Frank Coleman. I say it was John Coleman. Either way, I guess I won't be getting those photos from him. I hope he isn't writing about how "pitiful" and "horrible" it was to watch us in some whack job blog.

Family Pictures

We had family pictures taken at the beach yesterday. It was fun. The kids were good. They all got soaked at different times, but we had taken several shots by then, so it was ok. We still have to do the "clean up" (I love digital photos...switch the eyes here, rub out a few wrinkles there, erase a VERY unruly piece of hair...) but here are some of my favorites...

Six Days

There are six days left. I am already crying a little--in hiding. I am trying not to waste the last few moments. The thing that I am noticing most is the difference when it is not a whole unit deploying. It is kind of nice, because we can be a little bit anonymous--know one has to know that we are going to the movies because it is our last chance--but at the same time, I feel so ALONE. Not that he is going, but that I am the only one being left. Obviously, that isn't true, but the rest of his team members' families live all over the country right now. Not here with me. I miss having someone here with me, crying about the same thing at the same time. I hope that this will be like the other times and I'll feel so much better the day after he leaves. For now, I crying in hiding.

Happiness is...Walking Your Kids to Class!

This is a picture from last time S was home...but--he'll be here again soon for predeployment leave!!

Hi Mommies of Babies!

In the last few weeks, several of my nearest and dearest have had new babies. Although they have blogs, they are most likely too tired to write on them right now. However, I think that if I were in their shoes, I would once in a while be reading other blogs, just as a distraction. I also remember that in the early stages of new babyhood, I often felt lonely and that everyone had forgotten me. I HOPE that none of you are feeling that way, but just in case you are (and you are actually reading my blog) I wanted to take a moment to say "HELLO! You are beautiful and so is your baby (or babies, B!) and you are doing a great job! Your baby loves you and everyone else loves you.
Please be sure that you accept help from anyone who offers. They genuinely want to help you, and it doesn't mean that you aren't doing your job if you feed the baby and then let someone else burp them while you go get an extra hour's sleep! I love you guys! (And--I am posting your pictures here without your permission, but I have made sure that they are low resolution so no one can copy them and make millions of dollars off of ads featuring your baby (Although they are definitely beautiful enough to be models!!)
So--ladies first--Baby E.L.

Baby Boy

and Baby Boys!

Ummm--shouldn't I be insulted?

Yesterday a friend at the school said she had to tell me something away from the kids. She said that over spring break, she and her mom were driving and they saw me running. She said "You stopped at the corner and there was a guy behind you and he was TOTALLY checking out your a**!"

I said "Really? That is AWESOME!" She wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I told her that I know that as a female, I truly should be insulted or offended or whatever, but honestly, I would LOVE to get a catcall once in a while! Once a guy honked and whistled at me from his car--that kept me running faster for miles!

It's not that I ever WOULD pose in Playboy or anything, I'd just like to have the body that someone would think that I COULD!

Once we got a new battalion commander. His wife was walking through the battalion area, and after she walked by, S heard one of the guys say "Man! Who was that hot blond chick that just went in the building?" He almost fell over when he heard it was the commander's wife! (That probably sounds terribly old to him--he was about 19--she was close to 40!) So, that's my goal. Someday, if S is ever a battalion commander, I want some soldier to make a comment about me like that. In fact, I will insist that he gets a medal or promotion or something on the spot!

And, with that, I will now find a way to add one of those little counter thingies to the top of my blog to keep track of my 10 pound weight loss goal. Wish me luck!

Spirit Day

Guess what "Spirit Day" it was at school today? The boys' favorite...they plan for it all year! The colored "spiker glue" really worked...it made the little pony tails feel like they were made out of rubber...they reminded me of the little springs that you put on the backs of doors to keep them from ruining the walls. You could thump them and they would just spring back!
The best part is thta it washed right out...unlike the colored hairspray that I HATE!

Weirdness!

Sometimes I am truly amazed by how weird my brain is. Once in a while, I sit down to write a blog post, and all kinds of things come to mind that I have NO BUSINESS saying out loud--much less writing on the internet.
I also seem to do this in "conversations" in my head. I think this is mostly a product of so little adult interaction. S. and I both talk A LOT (I know, I know--you are shocked.) So, when he's around, we are in constant conversation. That is a good thing, because we pretty much know everything that is going on with each other all the time. I know A LOT about the army, and he can tell you the steps for making a personalized hooded towel (he can't make them though).
Anyway--without him here, I don't get to talk to an adult much. The ones I see are generally for specific interaction. Teachers--school conversations. Clients--workout instructions. Baseball coaches--practice times, snack schedules. Etc. Not like the random stream of conciousness conversations that I am used to having every evening.
Then, you add the fact that I am a little more stressed than is normal--with no one to talk about that stress with. It tends to create these "statements" in my head that I want to just SCREAM. They don't make any sense, because they aren't part of a conversation and they aren't in response to any event. They just pop in my head. I guess it is my brain's way of blowing off steam so I don't ACTUALLY say any of these bizarre sentence fragments to anyone. The few people I do interact with would probably run screaming!
Does ANYONE else do that type of thing? Here are some of my latest:
1) Hey! Here's an idea! SHUT UP!
2) Good to see you! Get the hell out of here.
3) I truly, truly hate that entire thing.
4) No one cares about that. Not one little bit. No one.
5) Maybe you should move away and then we could be friends again.
6) I hate stupidness--in all of its forms.
7) Go away. Far away. Don't come back--not even to visit.
8) NO NO NO NO NO!
9) I am SO much better at this than you are!
10) Really? That is SO UNinteresting.

That's Showin' 'Em!!

Having been made fun of a lot in my life...and remembering just about every time with crystal clarity...I hate embarrassment. I hate to be embarrassed. I hate to see other people embarrassed. I get embarrassed for other people. I can't watch debates on TV, I hate April Fools Day, and "roasts" make me sick to my stomach.

As I watched this clip--before she opened her mouth, I was PRAYING that she would be awesome. I knew the laughs that were out there in the audience--I could feel them before I could hear them...I so didn't want her to have to stand on that stage and experience that. Even if she was strong enough and brave enough, I didn't want it for her.

And then she started to sing. My goodness. Amazing. Truly. If you don't believe that God gives people gifts--you should listen to this woman. I hope that she gets to live her dream.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR_N9iljeMk

Operation Purple Camp

For those of you who are military--have you ever heard of Operation Purple Camp? It is a really amazing opportunity that is available for our children!! The National Military Family Association and the Sierra Club have created a partnership that involves camps in almost every state of the country. It provides military children a chance to go to camp for a week--and its free.

Last year, one of the camps was held on Catalina Island. A camera crew followed a few of the kids around and also intereviewed their families. They made a documentary called Red, White, and Green. They did a REALLY good job. The movie shares what the kids are thinking and feeling, as well as explains why the NMFA and Sierra Club do this for us.

The boys and I got to join some friends at the premiere of the movie a few weeks ago at Camp Pendleton. It was awesome! I have known about OPC for a while, and have wanted N to attend, but he has completely refused...10 minutes into the movie, he leaned over and said "Mom--I want to GO TO THAT!!"

It was really interesting how they talked about the kids having a chance to let their guards down a little. Even the kids who didn't really think they had much "issue" with a parent being deployed said that they felt a sense of relief when the got to camp. Everyone understands what you are feeling. You don't have to "protect" your at home parent from your tears or worries. You don't have to "take care of" younger siblings, you can cry, laugh, get really mad, act really silly, etc. And, everyone around you totally gets it. At one point, a girl is talking about her dad, and she starts to cry. She is a little embarrassed, because she's just met all these kids, and another girl just puts her arm around her and puts her head on her shoulder.

The people involved (camp organizers, Sierra Club, NMFA, etc.) were also included in the video. They were awesome! You could really tell that they so LOVE these kids and really want to show them how grateful the nation is for THEIR service. The lady that talks to them at the beginning of the week (Patty Barron of NMFA) tells them that the country knows how much they sacrifice and how they serve as well...and camp is a way to thank them.

I do feel like Americans appreciate our service (family members') but I don't know if that ever gets translated to the kids, so that they can FEEL that appreciation. Kind of like breakfast the other day, this is a tangible way for the kids to understand that THEY are special, different, and important.

At one point, someone (I think Patty) says "military kids live in your community. Get to know them. They look like normal kids, they act like normal kids, they play like normal kids, but they carry an extraordinary burden." (Of course, at that point, I immediately started to cry!)

N has never been away from me for a long time before (he stayed in Texas last year for a few extra days, but he was with family) and it is making me very nervous. The video made me much more comfortable, because you could feel how much all of the people involved REALLY cared about the kids and wanted them to have a good experience. They have put a lot of thought and planning into everything that goes into the camp week, so I know they will take good care of him. I don't think I would be ready for him to go to a sleep over camp if it was for scouts, or even church, but this situation seems like it will be very good for him.

The process is that you apply for a camp (you can only apply for one, and it should be in your state) and from those applications, children are selected based on things like whether their parent is currently deployed, about to deploy, etc. (They don't have to be deployed to be accepted!) Then you get notified in May if you get a spot. (It isn't first come first served) I know I'm not giving you a lot of time, but if you want to apply, you still have a few days. The deadline is April 20th--that is only a week away. I didn't give you much notice, but there is still time!! You can go to operationpurple.org and click on camp locations. The website also gives more information about the camps. You can also see a little promo for the video.

Another thing--I would highly recommend this video for teachers, counselors, principals, and other adults that interact with military kids, particularly if they are in a "civilian" school. I gave it to the counselor at our kids' school, and it gave her a lot of insight into not just what the kids are experiencing, but how they are processing it and how the feel about it. Since we have been with the military for so long, we assume that some stuff is just understood, but it is amazing how much of it is completely FOREIGN ideas to civilian people who don't have a lot of exposure to military families. Or even those who do interact with us a lot, but aren't directly affected by the military. If you want a copy of the video, contact NMFA.

Here is a picture of us at the premiere. They had a red carpet and everything!! (I'm not sure why my teeth look so weird--reflections off the braces??)