Little Ones Room

Today I did some updating on the little boys' bedroom. I had hung stuff on the wall when the crib was in there, but since the new "big boy furniture got delivered, I haven't changed things. The "theme" is cowboys, since R. is going to be a cowboy when he grows up. The windows are a little weird to deal with, since they have venetian blinds, so this is the window treatment that I came up with. The fact is that I am weird enough that this put me in a good mood for the rest of the day! I also wrote their names above their beds in the same "lasso" rope. The picture looks a little weird because I cropped 3 photos together to show the whole thing.

LVAD

Do you know what an LVAD is? I don't even know if that is the right acronym. I also don't know exactly what it stands for. What it is is this. . .a machine that replaces the left side of your heart. Not helps your heart like a pacemaker--it replaces it. I mean, they cut a hole in your heart and connect it to this machine that is on the outside of your body. You can hear it pumping all the time. It runs on batteries and you have to change them. At night, you plug directly into the machine that charges the batteries and you run on electricity. Guess what happens if the power goes out? If you don't have a battery available, you use a hand pump. . .yep--you pump your own heart with a hand pump.

So, why do I know this (other than the fact that it was a subject on Grey's Anatomy) and why am I writing about it? Because my stepfather has one. He has been a heart patient for almost 15 years--maybe more than that. He had heart attacks, CHF, a defibrillator put IN his heart (yes--the thing that shocks you--inside his body) and now, the LVAD. It basically keeps you alive until you get a heart transplant. Some people have lived on the LVAD for 18 months waiting for their new heart.

Here are some of the things that go along with the LVAD.

1) The surgery itself is just horrendous. The transplant itself will be nothing compared to this. The recovery took about 3 months (longer?) and my mother thought she would completely lose her mind. I won't even go into the details of that, because I wasn't there and I couldn't possibly do justice to the awful things they both endured.

2) Right before he got the LVAD, G. was so sick he could barely walk from the living room to the bathroom. He had congestive heart failure and he was just shutting down. Now, on the LVAD he is doing SO much better. He's lost weight, he's working out, etc. So. . .life is better. What to wish for? Get a heart, well of course, but that is scary too. What if he is doing so well on the LVAD, and then rejects the heart? Would it be better to have stayed on the LVAD?

3) Life is in suspended animation right now. They can't go ANYWHERE because you don't know when the heart will come available. You have to be able to get to the hospital QUICK. So, it is like being on house arrest.

4) That #3 causes them (meaning my mom and G.) to feel isolated and left out. They want to come visit us, but they can't. They wanted to go to a family reunion, but can't. They want to make plans, but they can't. . . So they feel like everyone else's life is moving and theirs isn't.

5) The VERY VERY VERY worst thing. For him to get a heart, someone has to die. And--it likely will be someone who wasn't expecting it. If you are sick or whatever, you have been on medications and stuff like that so your heart isn't eligible to be transplanted. So, the hearts come from healthy, usually young people who die tragically. A horrible thing. So, it isn't like you can sit around and WISH for someone to die. Of course, we all wish for a heart, but it would sure be nice if they could grow one in a petri dish. You can rationalize that the person was going to die anyway, they volunteered to be a donor, so they WANT someone to have their organs etc. but still. . .someone has to die. Some family has to suffer. G. hasn't even gotten his heart yet, and already I am praying for the family of the donor. For peace, for comfort, for a sense that they did something to help someone else.

I know a lot of people don't want to be organ donors for a myriad of reasons. But, just to let you know, there is no truth to the rumor that "they will let you die if you are a donor so they can have your organs." If you physically die--meaning your heart stops beating--your organs are no good. They keep people on the life machines and they do lots and lots and lots of brain scans to be sure that their is NO brain function. So, if you can find it in your heart to do so--please choose to be an organ donor. Some states mark it on your drivers' license. There is a spot for it on our military IDs--most importantly, let your friends and family know. When you are brain dead, your body basically becomes the property of your next of kin, so they get to decide whether or not to donate your organs. My next door neighbor has a bumper sticker that I SO agree with "Don't take your organs to heaven. Heaven knows we need them here!"

OK--here's a weird thing. . .this morning I decided to write about this, but I didn't finish because I had to leave so I saved it as a draft to finish when I got home. On my way home, I got a message on my voicemail from my mom that said that G. went to transplant clinic today and they told him "You need to be sure you are ready." Whoa. . .

Back to the Gym. . .

Well, I didn't do a great job of maintaining my workout schedule while I was away, but I still managed to lose some weight. I am now more than 1/2 way to my goal! Yeahaw!! I will post a before and after picture when I am totally finished. Although, that will be quite frightening for all of us, and you must keep your children away from the computer screen so they won't be scarred for life.

I have been taking a front, side, and back view picture of myself at the beginning of each month. It is totally disgusting, but it is motivating too. The only problem I am having is that I feel so much better than I did when I started--I am losing my motivation a little! So, today I put the determination back into myself. I am rededicating my willpower--and I am going to do it!! My goal is to be able to get a job with Weight Watchers by next January. They only hire from within their own membership and you have to be at your goal weight and stay there!

So, today we went back to the gym. I was afraid that J. might freak out, but he did well. I worked harder than I thought I would be able to--but I am sure that I will suffer tomorrow! Oh well--that just confirms that I was working! I am going to try to make it to my trainer's pilates class tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, it is at 8:15, so if the children are still sleeping--I am not going to make them get up. We are getting back on the school schedule, but that is early even for that! (School starts at 8:25--in exactly 9 days!!)

Here are some good things that have happened to me from losing 46 pounds (so far). 1) The most obvious--I can shop in the regular department. Even though I don't shop much, when I do, it is nice to not have to go to the plus size area 2) I can take a regular bath towel to the gym. (I want to be TOTALLY covered in the shower area, so I was taking a beach towel, but now I regular bath towel wraps all the way around me with some extra so I feel "safe".) 3) When I stretch my quad muscles, I can grab my right ankle with my right hand and my left with my left (instead of having to do opposites because my leg won't bend far enough!) 4) I can get down on the floor to play with the kids and get bakc up again, without looking like a sea lion getting up on a rock 5) I bought a swimsuit yesterday and I didn't start crying in the dressing room--it doesn't look nearly as good as I want it to--but it is WAY better than it was (and the swimsuit was 75% off--which makes me even happier!)

The other great thing is that being back at the gym means I have child care for 1 1/2 hours. It makes me feel good, I get a shower, and I am ready to be around the kids again (I love them, but it sure doesn't hurt any of us to get a break once in a while!)

Photos from our trip

Swimming in the backyard at the "reunion" of my Theta family

R. playing school

Visiting friends from Germany (who are now in San Antonio)

the twins are 2 days younger than J.

kissin' cousins

we moved around so much, the poor boys didn't know where they would sleep each night!

my grandparents, my dad, my brother, N. (U.B.), his wife, M. their daughter, G., me and my kids

N. and G.

Who DOESN'T want to go to the beach???

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS??? Last night, Fiday, we were talking about what we should do today (after N.'s soccer practice). I suggested the beach, since I haven't been there since I got home (4 whole days ago!) and I had promised myself I would be there by 3pm the day we arrived...do you KNOW what S. said?? Nothing. . .he just sort of sighed! Can you believe it? We live 6 miles from the beach and the man does not JUMP at the chance to go there every day! Weird, huh? He doesn't like it. It's too dirty. This from a man who can go 32 days without a shower when he is in the field!! What the heck is wrong with his brain?? Who knows? All I know is that I love this place.

This is yet one more thing that makes me believe that God wants us to be in the Army. This job is totally a set up. I think of it is both a reward and a bribe. It is God saying "the last 10 1/2 years of your life have not been a waste, and it will be OK if you stay longer." The reason I think this is because I used to say all the time "I wish I could live somewhere that it is 75 degrees all the time. I don't need seasons. I also wish I could live on the water. Any water. Ocean, lake, big river. . .something." S's answer? It is just NOT going to happen. The Army doesn't have any posts that close to the ocean. He was glad too, because he doesn't like it and he'd rather be in the mountains (which make me completely clausterphobic in about 10 mins) Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! I win! As my oldest son would say "Yay me!!" I love it here. 75 degrees year 'round! (Except last month, which they tell me was the second hottest month in San Diego history--but I was in Texas where it was 105 in the middle of the night, so cry me a river!) And 6 miles from the ocean! I can be there in 15 minutes, even with traffic. There are stickers and posters around here that say "No Bad Days!" I'm telling ya--that's how I feel--get in a bad mood? Grab the sunblock and boogie boards--we'll be home in time to cook dinner!
Oh--here's a really cool tip I have learned from some native San Diegans. . .you know how when you go to the beach, when it is time to leave, you try to rinse off the sand? And it doesn't really come off, and even if it does, you turn around to walk away from the outside shower and you get sand all over you again on the way to the car? And, you can't get the kids to rinse off anyway, because it is so cold? Here's the solution: Baby powder. When you get out of the water, dry off with your towel. Then, rub baby powder all over wherever you have sand. The sand just dusts right off. You are still dry, so no more will stick and you aren't freezing! It also helps keep away the chafing that kids sometimes get from wet swimsuits!

Another crazy thought

First--let me just start with the fact that the last crazy thought I wrote about (the two people I never want to see again) had nothing to do with anyone in the army. I think it may have seemed like that because I wrote "I don't want to be stationed with them" but I just meant I didn't want to live near them. Army lingo has just invaded the way I think and talk about everything. They aren't in the army--or married to anyone in the army.

One more thing. . .although not to the same extent--I also strongly dislike one more person--the doctor at the German hospital who wouldn't tell me what was wrong with S. and told me to learn German. (My husband was dying for heaven's sake! Not a time to learn a new language!!) So--I don't like him either!

Ok--the new crazy thought. What if you were honored at an awards show. (Like the Oscars). What would you say? Who would you thank? This is not an award show for your movie career (I don't know anyone with a movie career) It is just for your life. Just a chance to get up and say thanks for who made you who you are. Now obviously, you thank your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your kids, etc. But, I mean do you have an obscure people who don't even realize that they impacted you, that you would like to acknowledge? (This seems to be the exact opposite of the last crazy thought, huh? I didn't realize that until I was writing it!)

So, in keeping with a couple of my friends blogs who have something they do once a week "Memories on a Monday" "Travel Trivia" (I would make those words blue and turn it into a link if I were halfway computer literate--but I'm not)This is going to be mine. Once a week I am going to write about someone who has had a positive impact on my life. Someone that probably doesn't even think they impacted me at all (if they even remember me). Then, if I can find their email addresses, I am going to send it to them.

The first one is Shirley Weatherford. Her daughter was my close friend all through childhood. I first really met Shirley when she was my Bluebird leader. Bluebirds is like girl scouts. It is part of Campfire Girls. Shirley picked us up from school for our first meeting. In the car an Elvis song came on and I said I didn't like Elvis. She actually stopped the car and said I couldn't ride in her car if I didn't like Elvis! Then she laughed and laughed. I still remember the sound of her laugh. It was (is? I doubt it has changed much) so nice. Just plain happy.

Shirley was a part of my life in different aspects throughout my childhood. We lived in a small town so the adults all held many roles. She taught Sunday school at my church, she owned a really good cafe in town, and of course, I was at her house a lot because I was friends with Joy. (Her daughter's name is Joy--see what I mean--she's happy!) In high school, she was the home ec teacher and then she was the sponsor for PALs (peer assistance and leadership) and I was a PAL. That was a great year. She was a lot of fun and I learned a lot from her about random everyday life and how you should live it.

I'm not sure what "specifically" I want to thank Shirley Weatherford for. She didn't teach me a specific skill or do one dramatic thing for me that changed my life. I think I am just a better person because I grew up knowing her. She was happy and kind. She treated everyone (even irritating high school teenage girls) like they were smart and special. She had time to listen to me no matter how insignificant my problems were. She also listened to me during several times in my life when the problems were definitely significant. Her home was cozy and comfortable. I always felt welcomed and calm when I was there.

She was great to know as a kid, because she genuinely liked us, and enjoyed spending time with us. She was great to know as a teenager because she was a stable force in a turbulent time, and she gave guidance as though she was giving friendship. I don't really know her as an adult, since I left there at 18 and haven't moved back, but I imagine that she would be just as great to know as an adult. The kind of person that not only do you want to have as your friend, but that you want to be like.

Lebanon

When we first moved into our neighborhood, one guy told us the culdesac was like the United Nations. The people who own our house are from South Africa, one family is from Korea, one is from Germany, and one is from Lebanon. The other three (plus us) are Americans. So, people here don't go out of their way to be friendly or get to know the neighbors. I have kind of forced myself on the people next door by acosting them whenever they are outside (I notice they stay inside a lot now, hmmm?) But, the German family and the Lebanese family both have been very welcoming to us.
The kids have become friends with the A. family (Lebanese) so we see them pretty frequently and just hang out and talk while the kids play.

My Lebanese friend, M. has gone to Lebanon to visit her mom. She took their youngest 3 children (they have 4) and her disabled mother-in-law with her. Her husband and oldest son stayed to do som "home improvement" projects (put in a pool, retile the whole house, etc.--he is REALLY into that stuff and she DOES NOT like to "live in Home Depot" so he takes the opportunity that she is gone to work on it)

So. . .I'm in Texas and S. is in Hawaii teaching (he has a VERY hard job!) And Israel starts to bomb Lebanon. S. calls me and we discuss if it is appropriate for us to call SA (M.'s husband) We decide that although we are American and military, we are also his friend, and it is OK for us to call and see how he is doing. So, S. calls him. He is, of course, in a panic. M's family is from Beirut. They are not there now, they are at a resort in the mountains in the north, but he is still freaking out. He has to get them out of Lebanon. He and S. discuss what he might be able to do. He has family in various places that he can try to get them to, but this is the first day of the bombing and everything is shut down--cars, boats, planes. . .nothing is leaving. S. tells SA that we will call him every day. Call either of us if there is anything we can do. SA asks us to pray for them. We assure him we will.

The next day, SA says he has sent an international cell phone to M. He has found a cab driver to drive his family to Damascus in Syria. They have family there, and they will take them to Amman, Jordan. The airline has said that they will honor Beruit flights from Amman.

The next day, S. gets home from Hawaii. He has 1 day before he leaves for Las Vegas (I told you--his job is HARD!) He goes down to check on SA. He has not slept in 4 days and is trying to figure out how to get his family out of Amman. He would prefer to get them to London, so they can pick up the flight they are already booked on, but he will take anything--Rome, Paris, whatever. He is calling airlines. S. tells him that he should use the internet--it will be quicker. S. writes down our cell phone numbers and again says if we can do anything from where we are--let us know. As he turns back to give him the paper, SA is so sad. He says "Do you have 30 minutes?" S says sure. SA says "Can you help me do this?" S. says of course. He is quick on the computer and can help find some tickets. They start looking. Everything is booked. They finally find a flight and call the airline to book it immediately. After it is booked (it took 6 minutes) they try to find more flights for a couple of days later, in case it takes longer to get to Amman. There is nothing. They have to get there for that flight. It is in 7 days.

S. goes home and the next morning goes to Las Vegas. We keep in touch with SA. Two days later, I have a message on my cell. It is SA. He says that his family is in Jordan and they will make the flight. He and his oldest son are going to join them in London and stay for a couple of days. He says about 4 times how much he appreciated S's help. He couldn't have done it without him.

The family gets to London, he meets them. They come home. All is (technically) well. But, M. is completely traumatized. She can't stop crying. She tries to talk about it, and tells me how they were holding a white sheet out of the car as they were driving so they wouldn't get bombed. She is almost hysterical just trying to describe the waiting for 4 hours to get a visa to go through Syria. She can't sleep but she is constantly exhausted. It will be a long time before she is able to settle down. She doesn't know how her mother is doing. But, she is home and her kids are safe. She tries to console herself with that.

Now--here's the thing. Our two families don't view the situation the same. Obviously, we come from two totally different spots on the spectrum with this issue. It is not something we will ever talk about with them--the politics of it all. Their kids are upset, and saying things that make my kids confused. We just try to tell them that they have been through a terrible trauma and that they should not argue with the A. kids about it. Just understand them and let them be. But--outside the political part. The BIGGER part is this. A friend helped a friend. A father helped a father take care of his family. It doesn't change the scope of international politics, but it might have a small ripple effect. SA will tell people that story. Someday, he may say "An American soldier helped me when I needed to take care of my family." Who cares? Maybe nobody. But, maybe his kids will remember that story. Or, maybe his cousin who still lives in Lebanon will remember it. Maybe in little ways like that we can bring these two seemingly opposite worlds to care about each other.

Now--don't get me wrong. S. is ALWAYS going to put the army first and he would never ever ever do something that would go against his country or his government. But, in this situation, he was able to reach out and lend a hand as a man and a father. The fact that he is an American, a Christian, and a soldier wasn't important at the time--but maybe in hindsight it will be. Someday, there may be someone talking about how all Americans are awful and our soldiers are infidels, etc. And maybe someone will say "Let me tell you a story. . ." Wouldn't it be nice to think that you impacted even just one heart even a little? I'm very proud of my husband.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO TIRED!!!

We just returned from a one month visit to family. It was a nice trip. I'm glad we stayed so long (the kids and I--S. only got to stay for a week--SOMEBODY has to work around here!!) We got a chance to REALLY visit with everyone, instead of just dropping in for a day and saying hi. I got to catch up with my cousins that I have missed for years, spend some real time with my parents, and visit some friends from Germany who are now in my favorite city in the world!

We got to go to my family reunion too. That was wonderful. Sometimes I think that people who get to spend their whole lives close to family don't realize what a blessing it is. I know it is probably irritating sometimes, but it sure was nice to be able to call my sister and sister-in-law and say, "Hey we're going to the park in 15 minutes. Wanna go?" And theycould do it!! It was a great trip!

However, it was so EXHAUSTING!! We literally crossed the state several times--and it AIN'T Rhode Island, folks! Texas is a big place! I am SO glad we did it! But, I am also SO glad to be back in my own house, with my own bed, etc. I did laundry before we came back, so there weren't a lot of projects to do to get settled back in. Just unpack. I really don't like that. I love to pack, but not to unpack. I don't know why. I love unpacking when we move--it is fun. This is not. Oh well. A small price to pay.

A bunch of stuff happened while we were there.

I got to hang out for a few days with my cousin who is 11 months younger than me and his wife and kids. That was fun. We were close when we were small, and then life situations sort of prevented us from seeing each other much for a few years. But, I will always have a special connection to him in my heart, and I was glad to get to spend some time with them. His wife is also really fun, so that was cool. I hope we will get to see each other more. They are moving close to the rest of the family soon, so I guess at least when I go home to visit I'll get to see them. They travel more than a lot of my family, though, so maybe they'll come see me??

My brother and sister-in-law had their second baby. She's gorgeous. I don't know if it is because she was a c-section baby or what, but really the kid is beautiful. About a month before her birth, they moved to a new place. So, their family is making a bunch of adjustments at once. Fortunately, they are all GOOD adjustments.

My grandfather found out he will have to have a hip replacement on Aug. 28th. Although it stinks to have to have surgery, this is also good news, because he will feel SO much better after it is over! He has had "arthritis" for so long, and it really limits him. This is NOT a man who is used to limits! He has always been able to do ANYTHING he wanted, to this was NOT making him happy. And really, no matter how many pills you take, arthritis just doesn't stop hurting. So, it is actually GOOD to know he will have this surgery. It will finally STOP HURTING! He seemed in much better spirits when he found that out!

My cousin had a baby, and he was born with the valve in his heart closed. They rushed him to the hospital in Little Rock (a fabulous children's hospital there) and they did a surgery and fixed it. Amazing! Praise God for medical science. Can you imagine being J. (the mommy)? She had a C-section and had to stay at the hospital while they took him away. Awful. She only stayed a day and a half, loaded up on pain pills and got to Little Rock! Good news is, baby M. is doing great (he is also GORGEOUS!)

My grandmother took care of big brother, and everyone else was able to go be with them at the hospital. I was about to say that that was another benefit of living near family, but as I write it, I realize that I DO have that family (not at this assignment--but usually). The army is that family for each other. We may not be releated, but we totally are there for each other in those situations! Remember when PA had to go to the hospital during Iraq? All the "girls on the hill" had it handled! I remember once V.N. said to me "The army is the only place where someone will come take care of your kids at 3am no questions asked--even if she hates your guts." That is so true! (I don't know if you can tell, but I have definitely reached a turning point in my feelings about the army. I will write more about that later, but it is still a "tear jerker" issue for me, since it also involves a turning point in my relationship with my husband.)

What else happened. . .
My mother had eye surgery--on her birthday! What a way to spend a birthday. But, I guess for someone who hasn't been able to see without glasses or contacts for 50 years, it was a good gift. Her retina seperated months ago (scary scary awful) and eventually was repaired, but this was lens replacement. Now, she can see better in that eye than she ever could with contacts! She is a little lopsided, since she hasn't had the other eye done yet, but she is soon! Yeah mom!

My brother had the "biggest presentation of his career," and he GOT the account. Understand that I have no idea what he does--it is too complicated for me--all I know is that they just bought some land to build a house, and this can't hurt! Yeah!

I am trying to convince my sister to get married here where we are at the beach. Now, there is the small detail of the fact that her boyfriend has not yet proposed to her, but that does not concern me at all! I am an event planner at heart and I want to do this wedding!! Ha ha! Seriously--if you two are reading this--this is a beautiful place, what more do you want??

Well, that's it for catch up. There are a couple of other things I want to talk about, but they are big, so they will be their own posts. That's it for now!

Do you think YOU are this person for anyone?

Well, I am on vacation in Texas, which is why I haven't posted lately. I forgot the software CD for my camera, so I can't download any photos. I suppose I could post stuff without photos, but I always want to share the stuff the boys are doing. But, today something occurred to me that I just had to put down on paper. It has nothing to do with where I am on who I am with. I was just thinking of stuff from my past, and this popped into my head.
Originally, this blog was supposed to be all about my kids, but it has mostly become somewhere for me to ramble. Most of my ramblings are about the kids, since that is what comsumes most of my time, but some things pop into my head that I want to get out. . .writing them here seems to be sort of like therapy!
So. . .what I was thinking about. I wonder if there is anyone in the world who would HATE to ever be around me again. I know there are people who don't like me, or don't care about me one way or another, but does anyone hate me so much that they could not stand to be around me again? I was thinking about this because I was thinking about how we move so much in the army, and my family is SO different from that. That made me think about all the friends I have made and left, and wonder if I will get to be stationed with again.
Steven and I have this thing called the "imaginary neighborhood." We talk about if we could create our own dream neighborhood, who would get to live there, where they would live (meaning the more we like them, the closer they are to us--next door, down the street, two streets over, another city, etc.) Sometimes we like one half of a couple and not the other half. So, we either try to match them up with a different spouse, or they just have to live there alone. It is a strange game, I admit, but we both love to people watch, so I guess this is an extension of that when there are no people around to watch!
So--of course, this line of thinking lead to the opposite too. Is there anyone in the world that I would NOT want to have around again? There are several people that I could do without, but if they were around, it wouldn't kill me. You don't have to be best friends with everyone in your unit, for instance. So, I was thinking of this. There are 2 people in the world that I honestly PRAY that I will never, ever encounter again. Not for even 5 minutes in a grocery store. I don't think it is appropriate to fix a great deal of energy on disliking someone, but these 2 people I just can't stand. One is from my very distant past, and one is from my recent past. I NEVER EVER EVER EVER want to be around them, stationed with them, in the same unit with them, EVER EVER again. That made me wonder if anyone feels that way about me. Now, understand that this is different that just getting irritated by someone's personality or annoyed by their eating habits or whatever. I mean they have done personal harm to me (or my family--which means to me) and I hate them. I know it is not right to hate someone. But, I do hate these two people. A lot. A really really lot. I hope no one feels that way about me. I have tried my whole life to be kind, but I also know I have screwed up and made people mad. I wonder if I have ever made them THAT mad. . .I hope not. Because I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't EVER EVER EVER want to lay eyes on those two people again. EVER.

American Soldier

One of the things that I love about country music is that there is a song for everything. Whatever emotion you're feeling, situation you're in, prayer you're saying. . .you can find a country song that fits perfectly. I also love that country musicians are, for the most part, very patriotic. There are some GREAT patriotic songs in the country music world. One of the reasons I am putting this song here, is because a lot of my Army wife friends DON'T listen to country, so they probably haven't heard this. . .but I know they will love it!

And Now He's Grown. . .

With my little two boys, I never have this overwhelming feeling that they have left babyhood. I guess it is because I always have the older brother to compare them to, so they still seem small. But with N. I have had so many moments when I have thought "Oh no! He's grown! There's no baby left to him!" I thought that when we had his 3 year old pictures taken (I look at them now and he is DEFNITELY still a baby in those photos!) I thought it when he started preschool, when he started German school, and when he started kindergarten. But now--kindergarten is OVER!! He's GROWN! He's not a baby. He will be a regular school kid. A grade that is a number instead of a cute word like "kindergarten." Full day school (he went to full day kindergarten in Germany, but here he has been in 1/2 afternoons!) He's big! He has hair on his legs. He doesn't cry and throw a fit (very often) and he can reason his way through a lot of conversations. He is losing teeth and having sleepovers. He talks about what he will be when he grows up, and he actually puts some thought into it, instead of just saying whatever thing he is looking at in the moment! He goes into the dentist exam room without me, and he doesn't need me at all to get dressed in the mornings. Clothes, brushing teeth and hair--all of it. He can even get himself a bowl of cereal (if I would allow him to--which I won't.) So, I suppose he is grown now. I know I will have that feeling over and over and over throughout his life, but I am feeling it now and it makes me cry. Not out of sadness. I don't wish him a baby again. It's just that I always seem to have this feeling of time slipping by me without me paying enough attention or doing everything I needed to do, or something. I just want everything to be EXACTLY RIGHT for him, and I'm not always able to make that happen.

We went to a birthday party yesterday for a hid that he knew from Germany. The boy's family is here in California visiting Grandma for the summer, and they are only about 1 hour away from us. So, we went up to the party. I read a thing called "Rules for Raising an Army Brat" once. One of the things it said was "8 hours is not too far to drive for a play date. Best friends are hard to come by. Even when you are a 7 year old." I try to keep that in mind and help my kids stay in touch with their friends, because I want to keep in touch with mine. Anyway--this was only an hour away so it was no big deal. You should have seen that kid. He walked up to all the adults and introduced himself and shook their hands! Who taught him that??? I have no idea! I didn't tell him to go do it. He just did! He's just so GROWN UP!!! Then, he asked to spend the night there. I said it was Ok, and we would meet them halfway today to pick him up. About 1/2 way home I had this HORRIBLE feeling of wanting to go back and get him. He is perfectly safe and happy, but he is and hour away from me! He's fine. I resisted the urge to freak out and I'll see him later. I hope he hasn't gotten 2 feet taller or grown a moustache or something!

Here are some photos of his last day of kindergarten, and the next day's party at the beach. (Can I just tell you that I LOVE the fact that we can just go hang out at the beach whenever we get bored??? It is beyond fabulous!!)

With his best buddies, signing shirts and yearbooks. . .


With his teacher. . .


Boogie boarding at the beach. . .


The two who ARE still little. . .

Appreciation for stay home moms

I didn't really give anything up to stay home with my kids. I had only been out of college for 3 years when I had N. I had 1 job in Dallas in my "field" of TV, and then in North Carolina I was a special events planner. I really loved it, but it wasn't a passion or anything. That's why I think I have a complex about "just" being a mom. I didn't really contribute much before I stopped working, so it wasn't a noble sacrifice on my part like it is for a lot of women. Anyway--last week when S. was here, she was talking about being a stay home mom is the only job with "delayed gratification" because you don't get any thanks out of it 'til the kids are grown!

It seems to me that this is the only job where there is not built in "attaboys." No raises, no yearly performance reviews, no promotions, no medals, etc. Not even very many thank yous. . .I think that is why I love this song!

(By the way, as I type this, I have just stopped J. who was in the toilet with his toy hammer and is now climbing on the computer tower to steal the digital camera. R. is in my bed systematically throwing all the pillows on the floor and N. is begging to use the computer or be served breakfast!)

Weight Loss, Weight Gain. . .Man It's Expensive!

So--as most of you know I am in the midst of a major weight loss program. Weight Watchers food plan, work out 5 days a week, meet with a trainer once a week. . .blah blah blah. Great. I've lost 31 pounds. Lovely. Here's the thing. I didn't really pay much attention to my weight before I had kids. Had the first one, didn't try to lose weight until he was 15 months old. So--started Weight Watchers. Became a lifetime member. Goody for me. Had the second kid. Was in Germany, so attending WW meetings would have been pointless as they a) weigh you in kilograms and b) speak German (which I do not--except to order at a restaurant, which tends to be the opposite of what WW wants me to know). So, I did Body For Life. Lost 75 pounds and had great muscles! So, loved that. . .immediately got pregnant with kid 3. Fine. Gained tremendous amount (again.) By the way. . .I weighed EXACTLY the same amount at the end of each of my pregnancies. Anyway--sort of screwed around trying to lose weight. There were SO many emotional issues going on over the last year, that really I just plain self medicated with brownies. and cookie dough. and Lambrusco. I digress. . .

So, we move here. Clean slate--no groceries in the house. Start from scratch. Great! Bought all kinds of fresh and healthy foods. Joined WW. Started at the gym. Good for me. Lovely.

Another digression. . .if you are not working out right now (and you are a mom--stay home or working--applies equally) here is the best reason to work out: it is the only time that you are physically incapable of doing something for others. By default, you are truly doing something for yourself! I know you probably THINK you take time for yourself, but do you really? When you get a babysitter do you frequently get a pedicure, or do you clean closets, shop for school clothes and schedule doctor's appointments? That's what I thought! You DON'T take time for yourself! So--when you are working out you HAVE to. It's great. It benefits the kids too (mine, anyway) because it works on my head while I work on my body so then they don't have a nutcase for a mom. And, my gym has free childcare--I get to work out AND take a shower AND dry my hair AND put on makeup with NO ONE pulling on the hem of my shirt or screaming for me to button their pants!

Ok, back to my point. . .it is awfully expensive to keep going up and down in weight. Not for the food--that is actually less expensive because we eat out less and we eat a lot more fresh stuff. I'm talking about the clothes! Just look at this:
These are the clothes that either I am now too "small" (a relative term used loosely in this case) for or that I have had so long that they are out of style. Now let's keep in mind that I have THE WORST FASHION SENSE of anyone in the world. So, if I know it is out of style, it must be BAD!!! Anyway--I was just calculating how much money must be lying on the bathroom floor as I went through the rubbermaid containers transferring sizes and it made me crazy! I hate to spend money on clothes for me, because I constantly pick out the wrong things anyway, so I probably didn't spend more than $30 on any one item, but still! Even at $5 an item it is a fortune!!

Geez. . . .well, there are definitely no more babies, so I hope there are no more ups and downs (well, just this one more down) with weight. One of my new goals is to become a Weight Watchers leader by January of 2007. You have to maintain your goal weight within 2 pounds to work there. . .I figure that would keep me honest! Also, they don't have any mom and me classes here at the center I go to, and I find that ridiculous! I'd like to do that. . .wish me luck!

The Kids are Too Damn Smart

In reference to the story of R's tooth below, I started this afternoon talking to him about the idea of the doctor taking out the "special tooth" and how there would be a cut in his mouth and he would get to eat ice cream, etc. Guess what? Two hours later: "Mommy, my tooth hurts. I need to eat my ice cream." Seriously! What do you say to that? I said "Oh no. The ice cream is for after the doctor takes the tooth out. Until then you just get water." Nice, huh? He wandered off. (Probably plotting a new strategy for getting that ice cream!!)

Wikipedia

Something fun I saw on someone else's site. Here are the directions: Go to Wikipedia and do a search for your birthday (day and month only, exclude the year). Post three facts, two births and one death on your blog including the years.
Here are my results (for April 24):
Facts:
1184 BC--Greeks enter Troy using the Trojan Horse
1990--The Hubble Space Telescope is launched by the Space Shuttle Discovery
2005--Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is inagurated as the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church, taking the name Pope Benedict XVI

Births:
1934--Shirley MacLaine, American actress and author
1964--Cedric the Entertainer, American comedian and actor

Death:
2004--Estee Lauder, American cosmetics entrepreneur

The Dentist's Office

Today we took all 3 kids to the dentist. Thank goodness S. was able to come with me. There was no way I could have done it alone. So . . .as was expected, J. had a complete fit and basically she looked in his mouth and said "He's fine. . .keep brushing."
N. has 2 cavities. The child is plagued with them. Partly my fault, because a LOT of times I forget to make them brush their teeth at night. And, I haven't flossed them regularly since we left Germany. So--he has to get 2 fillings and 3 sealants. Well, guess what folks--we AIN'T in Germany anymore! Overseas, all family members are seen by military dentists--meaning no charge! Here--dental insurance only covers PART! So, we have to take N. back the day after we return from Texas and it is going to cost us $180!! Yikes!
They did xrays on both older boys and both of them have pretty crowded teeth--the may space out as they grow, but they will likely BOTH need braces. (Again--no longer in Germany--maybe we should go back there!)
So--here's the CRAZIEST thing that happened! They said R. didn't have to have xrays at his age, but if he would sit still, they recommended it. Of course he would sit still! We just let him watch N. to see what would happen and then he jumped right up there and was a perfect patient. Now. . .look at this xray of the top front teeth. He (obviously) still has all his baby teeth, and his adult teeth are behind them--not ready to come in for a few years--but look in the middle!!!!
So--it takes about 1/2 a second for the dentist to tell me what it is. Let me tell you all the thoughts I had in that 1/2 second. The child has a tumor growing in his mouth. S#*T! Grab him! Run for the door! Go immediately to Children's Hospital and make them fix him! Don't let it spread to his brain. . .oh GOD HELP MY BABY!!
I'm not kidding. I seriously went that far. I think it is partly because my friend L's daughter E. is a cancer survivor. She is 9 now and 2 years cancer free, but it still freaks me out to think of it, because I've never known a kid with cancer before. So--anyway--I immediately get tears in my eyes and am terrified for my tiny baby who is laying there on the ENORMOUS dental chair. Now, mind you, R. is completely oblivious to all of this, because the dentist is a GENIUS and she has a flat screen TV mounted above the kid's head facing down at him, and he got to pick a movie--so he is immersed in Dora's Pirate Adventure.
Anyway--the 1/2 second goes by and she tells me it is an extra tooth. I suppose that is obvious to a calm, rational observer, but I have never claimed to be either of those two things--even on my best day.
So, the extra tooth is causing the permanent tooth to turn completely sideways. It has to be taken out as soon as possible, so that it will not mess up the alignment of the permanent teeth, or worse, cause the permanent teeth to be deformed. Well, that's just freakin' great! I just convinced this kid that the dentist is no big deal and nothing to be scared of. He's sitting in the chair, mouth open, letting her scrape off all the crap that his worthless mother didn't floss away and watching Dora, happy as a clam. Now, I have to tell him that we are going to see another doctor who is going to CUT HIS MOUTH OPEN AND TAKE OUT HIS TOOTH AND BONE!!!!

Hmmmmmm. . .Perhaps I won't put it exactly that way. Here's what I'm thinking. . .I tell him that he has a special tooth that most kids don't have. It won't come out like a normal one, so a doctor is going to take it out. The good news is The Tooth Fairy gets to come visit him about 3 years early!! What do you think??? Think it will fly? What if I add that after the doctor takes it out, his mouth will be sore for a few days, but he can eat all the ice cream and popsicles he wants? (Yes, I know that the dentist would not recommend this, but for heaven's sake, the baby is getting his mouth cut on--I think we can cut him a little slack!)
I keep remembering when G. crashed into the curb while pushing his Tonka truck and knocked out his front tooth. . .S. was so distraught--G. was pretty much fine with it, once he stopped bleeding and found out the tooth fairy was coming. . .Let's hope we have the same thing here!!

Family Reunion

Those of you who knew us in Germany know that we did not have a family of 5--it was a family of 9! Three of those actually born during the time in Germany! For those of you who did not know us then. . .it is kind of hard to explain. We lived in 1/2 of a duplex on the Army post, and the other half of the duplex was the other half of our family! I estimate that we spent at least 75% of our time together! The husbands continuously said that they were just going to cut a hole in the wall of the laundry rooms so we wouldn't have to bother going outside! They also wondered how S. and I could spend all day together, and then come home and be on the phone for more than an hour--when we were right next door!
We literally became family. . .we had most of our meals together, we took care of each other's kids--the kids didn't even have to leave the comfort of their own beds, because we had each other's baby monitors. We'd just call and say "I need to go to the commissary. If you give me your list, I'll get your stuff and you listen for my kids." It was nice to have a very best friend right next door. I don't think our husbands realize how much it helped them. If we were angry or frustrated with them, we had a chance to talk it through with each other, and then they didn't have to hear AS MUCH of the complaints!
Anyway--the day they left Germany was almost more than I could bear. I don't do well with goodbyes anyway, and this goodbye was to someone who had become more than a sister--she was practically the other half of my brain (which was nice since I often feel like 1/2 my brain is missing!!) The children had grown up together. N. was 3 and G. was 6 months when we met. R., R., and J. had known each other all their lives. . .They truly behaved like siblings. ALL of us cried the day they left. My kids kept climbing in the MWR shuttle bus with them, and their kids kept trying to get out and stay with us! It was truly truly awful.
I think that is why it was easier for me to leave Germany than it has ever been to leave somewhere before. All our friends were gone that summer, so by Christmas when we left, it wasn't the same place.
So--this week, they came to visit us!! It was great! They got here and we immediately fell right back into the old life of one big family. S. even gave us a new name--the "McT.... family." I love that! They were here for 4 nights, and I would have loved for them to stay longer. I wish we could live next door to each other forever. Actually, with about 1000 more square feet--we could just live in one house! (Except that we both have SO MUCH polish pottery that we have to have 2 kitchens--plus lots of storage furniture for the overflow!)
Anyway--while they were here we went to the beach,

to the Wild Animal Park,

and to Sea World.

The kids were generally exhausted by the end of each day, as were we, but it sure was nice to get to hang out in the evenings and just talk. . .even though it wasn't in the front yard drinking iced tea or Lambrusco!
We have decided that we will definitely live next door to each other after retirement. G. doesn't have as long as S. does, so they will have to go to Texas ahead of us and scout the locations. We also decided that we must buy timeshares or summer houses together somewhere a bit cooler, because the only drawback to Texas is the killer heat in the summer! So...the plans are being forged--we will build the McT.... compound.
I am so thrilled that we are able to stay close, even though we are thousands of miles apart. I was afraid that we would drift apart and when we got together again it wouldn't be the same. But--it is! I guess that is the difference between friendship and family!

That horrible in-between stage

R. and J. are both in "in-between" stages with naps. R. is between needing one and not. He can make it to the end of the day without a nap, but he is cranky and sleepy by about 4. Plus I have to watch him continuously later in the afternoon to keep him from going to sleep somewhere. Also, it is impossible to put him in the car or he falls asleep. But, I can't MAKE him take a nap earlier, because he just won't fall asleep!

R. asleep under the computer desk while I was typing!

J. is between needing two naps and one. So, the same thing happens to him. If he naps too early in the day, he is just like R. at the end of the day. If he naps too late, he doesn't need a second nap until about 6:30 in which case IT'S TOO LATE TO NAP!

J. finally dropped at 11pm after having napped from 6-8!

The additional irritation is that NEITHER of them sleeps well at night anymore. I am insane from them coming in our room (both of them) every night. No matter how many times we walk them back to their rooms, they stay in their own beds for about 30 minutes and them come right back. Not to mention that they don't sleep well with others. They both fuss and kick all night if anything touches them--another person (that happens when there are 4 people in a bed) or even the sheets! J. hates to be covered, R. wants the covers all the way up to his neck! And J.'s diaper leaks EVERY night! He is in size 5s! They are fine in the day--anyone know if there are better diapers for night time?

ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE SO VERY WELCOME!!!!!!

Family Photo

This was taken in December. Aren't the kids cute? What a pain it is to take family photos! It just gets progressively harder as there are more kids. . .We had a photo taken of all my Dad and stepmother's grandkids. . .6 kids. . .5 under the age of 3! Craziness! Then, recently, we went to visit my stepsisters in Fresno. Tried to have a picture taken with our kids and theirs--nothing doing! J. and baby E. were NOT having it! Anyway--this is our most recent family photo.

Notice I am well hidden in the back. I am working hard on that. I have been in Weight Watchers for 16 weeks now, and have joined a gym. I go to the gym 5 days a week (it's great--women only! No GIANT weights taking up a lot of space since women never use them, and no women who work out just so men will look at them! Just a bunch of people like me!) So--I've lost 26 pounds so far. That is just a drop in the bucket of what I have to lose, but at least I'm started!
Have you ever noticed that moms NEVER take time for themselves? Even when that is what you are supposedly doing, you probably aren't. For example, my friend and I were trading off days of babysitting during kindergarten, so we each got to have a few hours off. What did I do? Called doctor's offices, shopped for summer clothes for the kids, etc. It was all stuff I had to do for other people anyway, I just happened to be doing it without pushing a stroller and carrying a preschooler! The greatest thing I have gotten from exercise is that it is the only time that I am physically unable to do something for someone else! I am actually doing something for me--it is a physical process but it definitely has a mental reward too! (Not to mention that there is free childcare at the gym so I can work out AND take a shower!!)

The boys teeth!

Well, I am sorry to report that with all of the confusion of moving and adjusting to life here, we have neglected the children's dental hygiene terribly. We haven't found a dentist and just look what has become of them. . .


Just kidding! They are actually going to the dentist next week--in the meantime, J. has ALL FOUR "pointy" teeth coming in at once and N. just lost a top tooth! He got $5--inflation has even hit the tooth fairy!

Our house

It's weird living in a civilian community. For the most part, I have no connection to the military right now. Other than shopping at Miramar, and having to get approval for my medical stuff through Tricare. I have been to S's office once, and have only met the people he works with that one time. They have no interest in meeting me or being friends with us. But, we have found a church and are slowly making friends in the neighborhood. It is nice. I think it will be really great for us in the end. It definitely took some adjusting. . .no one "automatically" reaches out to you like they would in a military community. But, S. is home early every day and come pretty much be here when I need him (I was SO sick on Friday--I called and he left work right then and came home!! If you are military, you KNOW how amazing that is!!) So, I think it will be great to be here for a couple of years. Then it will be time to go back to "real life." We will both be rested and ready to go. . .although I don't know that I'll ever be "happy" about the idea of a deployment.
So--anyway, my point in this post was to put some pictures of our house. I miss the convenience, safety, and comraderie of living on post--but this is a GREAT house. It is in a culdesac, so the kids ride their bikes and play out front and they are safe from speeding cars. Our backyard is beautiful and it backs up to a STEEP hill (uphill) so we don't look into someone else's yard, and we are shaded throughout the day. The layout of the house is nice and we all have plenty of room to spread out or hang out together! Quite a find!

Front of the house

Backyard (there is actually a lot more room than you can see here--it is all to the side!)

Memorial Day

Just a quick thought. . .at church yesterday the pastor did an excellent job talking about Memorial Day and what it means. He had everyone who was serving in the military or who ever HAD served stand up. Then we said a prayer and he talked about the fact that "those who are standing here among us watched their friends die. . .and they continued to serve."

I'm not really sure why people say "Happy" Memorial Day. I think they don't stop and pay attention. Even if they aren't focused on the extra day off or the sales at the mall or the big picnic, many seem to think it is a day to celebrate our country or celebrate our military. We'll it isn't. We have those--4th of July, Veterans Day, etc--but today is a day of MEMORIAL. As in memorial ceremony, 21 gun salute, caskets draped in American flags.

It is a day to be grateful. Unfortunately, those we acknowledge today don't get to see our appreciation. They probably don't mind that--I have never met a soldier who served because he wanted someone to tell him thank you. But, take a moment of complete silence and think really hard about what it is to die for your country--It's not some vague, idealized notion, but being in a hot, dirty place far from home and loved ones and being willing to die there. To know your wife and children are at home and you will never see them again, and they will cry for you forever. But also knowing that your dying there will help keep your fellow Americans from dying on our own soil--and then gritting your teeth, picking up your weapon, charging into battle with every bit of strength you have and then some. And then being carried out of there by your brothers in arms. Tears in their eyes because you are gone.

It's not pleasant to think of the real WAY people die for their country. I know that I can't even begin to describe it for real because I haven't served--and I would never have the guts to do it. There is a song called American Soldier that says "I don't want to die for you, but if dyin's asked of me, I'll bear that cross with honor, 'cause freedom don't come free." That's the big thing. They didn't WANT to die for us. But they did.

The closest thing I can associate it to is the idea of being caught in a snowstorm with my child and only one blanket. Most parents would immediately give that blanket to the child. No matter how cold they were, frostbite, or whatever. They would carry that kid wrapped in a blanket until they found a way to make that kid safe. We would all do it for our children. But most of us couldn't do it for an entire nation of nameless, faceless people who often aren't even grateful. That takes a special kind of person.

So, take a minute to look heavenward today. Just say thanks. As my husband says "Soldiers don't expect anyone to say thank you, but it sure sounds nice when they do." I think even from heaven they can hear.

The difference between fighting and self defense

I have much more pleasant things to talk about, and I will in the next post. Including some great photos of the boys lately. . .but I want to write this now, because I hope anyone with children will read it.
Do your kids know the difference between fighting and self defense? Guess what? Mine didn't. My sweet little N. would never fight. For one thing, it is against the rules. He follows rules. Period. Additionally, he would never intentionally inflict harm on someone. Particularly physical harm. He is so tenderhearted, he just could never bring himself to do it (except for sometimes his brothers, but that is a different story. . .) Anyway--something happened to my baby about 2 weeks ago. I am just writing it now, because I kept crying when I thought about it. I haven't written lately because I knew this had to be the next thing to go on the page, but I couldn't do it. . .so here goes. There is already a lump in my throat. . . .
I am going to write this in sort of a play style narrative, because it is easier for me to do quickly.

I pick N. up from school on a Wednesday. We are walking to the car and he is making a funny face when he swallows and rubbing his neck a little.
Me: Are you getting sick?
N: No.
Me: Does your throat hurt?
N: Yes
Me: Let me look in your mouth.
N: My inside throat doesn't hurt. The outside does.
Me: (A little worried) Why does the OUTSIDE of your throat hurt?
N: Because D. choked me.
Me: WHAT????????????
N: He pushed me and then he choked me.
Me: (thousands of thoughts in my head. . .Why did the teacher not tell me this? I just saw her! Where is this kid so I can show him what choking really is?) Trying to be calm--"When did this happen?"
N: At the end of recess.
Me: What did Mrs. S. do?
N: She told him that if he did it again he couldn't go to recess.
Me: (IN my head hysterically screaming, out loud trying to stay calm) I don't think that is enough of a punishment for choking. Tell me exactly what happened.
My cel phone rings. It is my friend L. She is VERY upset. She says: Did N. tell you what happened at school?
Me: About what?
L: W. said that some kid pushed him and choked him.
Me: We are talking about it right now. Let me get the whole story from him and I will call you back.
L: You need to call the teacher.
Me: Ok. (Thank goodness she told me that. I have always had SUCH an overreactive personality and I am trying REALLY hard to not do that, so I wasn't sure if my reaction was correct. I probably would have tried to talk to N. about it myself, but not called the teacher for fear of appearing hysterical.)
L: W. will go to the principal and give a statement tomorrow if he needs to.
Me: Thank you. He might need to. I'll call you back.
--Let me just stop here and tell you that this is not out of the ordinary for L. and her family. They are SUCH good people. They will do anything for anyone and they will stand by you when you need something. All of them are this way. We haven't known them long, but I thank God that they are here!--
By now we are home. (We live really close). We go inside and I get the little ones settled and say to N.: Ok, tell me exactly what happened. Don't add anything, don't guess, and if you don't remember something, just say I don't remember.
N: We were getting in line and D. always wants to be first in line. I was first and he wanted me to move but I wouldn't. So he put his arms like this (he puts his arms up even with his shoulders, bent at the elbows.) And he ran into me and pushed me. But, I didn't move and so he put his hands on my neck and started choking me.
--Note: D. is a big kid. N. is almost a whole year older than most of the kids in his class, so he is big too. That is probably the only reason he didn't fall over. There are some TINY kids in that class that would have gotten flattened!
Me: And what made him stop? Did the teacher stop him? Did he just let go?
N: Ms. S wasn't there.
Me: So why did he stop?
N: I couldn't make him stop. I tried to pull his hand off but he wouldn't let go.
--Now I am truly hysterical. ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDDING ME????? My kindergartener is being choked and he can't stop it????????
Me: So why did he stop?
N: I closed my eyes, and hoped he would stop.
Me: Why did you close your eyes?
N: I just felt like closing them.
(I am about to cry. HE JUST FELT LIKE CLOSING THEM?? WHY? Was he about to pass out? I am crying. Don't cry in front of the kid. Don't cry in front of the kid.)
Me: So what happened?
N: J., G., J., W., AND R. told him to stop and he didn't so they grabbed his hands and pulled them off.
--At this point he is very proud of the fact that he has such good friends and that ALL of them protected him. It made him smile to tell me that part. It made me cry.
Me: Tonight when we say prayers we are going to remember to thank God for giving you such good friends. I'm going to call Mrs. S. OK?
N: Ok. Can I have ice cream?
Me: Sure. If that ever happens again you punch that kid in the stomach.
N: I can't mom. We aren't allowed to fight.
Me: That's not fighting. that's just getting away from someone who is hurting you.
N: No. We have a rule of not fighting.
Me: That isn't fighting!
N: Hitting someone is fighting!
Me: Eat your ice cream.
I call the school. I talk to the teacher.
Me: Hi, I wanted to talk to you about something N. said happened with D. today.
Ms. S: I'm glad you called. I don't think I got the whole story. I wasn't out there. It was recess and Ms. St was with them and she didn't see it. What did N. tell you?
Me: I asked him to give me the whole story and reminded him not to embellish or make things up.
Ms. S: Ok, what happened?
Me: First of all, understand that I have 3 boys. I expect roughhousing. Pushing, shoving, wrestling, etc. is part of every day life in our house. It is natural for boys, and I think they have to learn when it is appropriate, but I am certainly not shocked when a frustrated 5 year old pushes another kid. That is not my concern. I don't want you to think I am some hysterical mom that is going to call you everytime some little thing happens.
I tell her the whole story. She is not happy.
Ms S: We didn't know all of that. I am so sorry. All we were told is that D. pushed N.
Me: That is how it started.
Ms S: We had a talk with the children the other day because we have had a rash of tattletaling in the class. I think we'd better talk with them again to be sure they understand the difference.
Me: Yes.
Ms. S: This child has been a problem for a while. He is on a contract everyday and we are going to do something about it. I am going to talk to Ms. St about it and call you back. Ok?
Me: I want you to know that my biggest concern is that N. could not make this kid stop. If his friends hadn't been there. . .I mean, what if N. and D. had been in the bathroom alone? What would have stopped him? (Now I cry--trying not to let her hear me.)
Ms. S: I had not even thought of that possibility.
Me: W. said that he would talk to you about it if you need him to.
Ms. S: I know that N. is not a crybaby and he doesn't make things up. If he says it happened that way then it did. I will probably talk to the other children tomorrow. I'll call you back in a few minutes.
Me: Ok.
I call my "sister" at Ft. Lewis. I recount the story.
She says: Tell him to punch that kid in the face.
Me: I told him that but he said he can't because he isn't allowed to fight.
S: You tell him I said to punch that kid in the face as hard as he can and then run away!
I tell N. this.
N: Tell Miss S. that I am not allowed to fight.
I tell her. She says: YES YOU CAN!!!
S & I are discussing ways to convince this child to protect himself.
Other line rings. . .it is Ms. S.
Ms. S: Ms. St and I have decided that this is too big of an issue to handle just with us. I know I sound calm, or I think I do, but I am VERY upset that this happened to N. and we are going to have all of them talk to the principal tomorrow.
Me: Ok, good. I need your advice on something.
Ms S: Ok.
Me: I was talking to N. about protecting himself if something like this happens and he REFUSES to accept the idea of hitting or hurting anyone because it is against the rules.
Ms. S: Oh no. You make sure he knows that WE understand the difference.
Me: Ok. I just need to know that you will be supportive of the fact that I told him to hit the kid in the stomach.
Ms. S: That's a lot nicer than what I would have told him to do. In fact, I think you should have Mr. T teach him how to hurt someone if he needs to get away from them.
--In the background I hear some garbled conversation pieces. . ."a fight in your class today". . ."in the office now". . .
Ms. S: D. is in the principal's office now. I am going to go down there and give her your number and have her call you.
Me: Ok. Thank you for the way you are handling this Ms. S.
Ms. S: Of course.
Hang up. Call sister back and update her. Other line rings. . .principal--Ms. J.
Ms. J: Ms. T, I'm calling about the incident with your son at school today.
Me: Yes.
Ms. J: I am so sorry that happened. I cannot believe that. Is he ok?
Me: His neck hurts and there are red marks around it. But he is ok.
Ms. J: I am suspending the other child from school.
Me: Do you need N. and the other kids to come talk to you tomorrow?
Ms. J: No. Both of the teachers assure me that N. would not make anything up and that the other children are just as trustworthy, so if for some reason we need to talk to witnesses, we can but this is not the first incident with this child and this is too serious.
Me: Ok. Thank you. Is there something else I need to do?
Ms. J: No. It is already done.
Me: I need to ask your advice. I have been talking to N. about if this were to happen again, how to protect himself. I told him to hit the kid in the stomach and he absolutely refuses because it is against the rules to fight.
Ms. J: Oh no. He absolutely has the right to protect himself. If I were you, I would have your husband teach him to kick that kid where it will hurt the very most.
Me: Thank you. I know some schools have a policy that if you are involved in a fight you are automatically punished no matter what your reasons.
Ms. J: No. There is a difference between fighting and protecting yourself. In fact, I had two 5th graders in here last week. The person that brought them in just said they were fighting at lunch. After asking them a few questions, it was obvious that they weren't fighting. One kid was beating up the other one and holding him down on the ground and when he got an arm free he knocked the kid in the face. The boy actually had the nerve to say "Why I am getting suspended and he's not? He hit me too." No--there is a difference.
Me: Ok. thank you. I will be sure to tell him you said that, but if he still doesn't believe me, can I bring him to you and get you to reassure him?
Ms. J: Of course.
So--that night we had a very serious conversation with N. about the difference between fighting and defending yourself. Like if someone hits you and runs away, or is pulling on your shirt and won't let go--that is not a reason to hit them. BUT--if they are hurting you and they won't stop--you MAKE THEM STOP. We taught him several ways to be SURE he could make someone let go of him. Of course, my Army husband who LOVES combatives training wanted to teach him how to break the kid's nose or something. I made sure we tempered it down a bit and convinced him to show him how to stun the kid or knock the breath of him so he could get away. The whole point was BE ABLE TO GET AWAY.
What did we learn from this:
1) I am getting much better at controlling my responses and making the right ones.
2) I was right when I thought I couldn't get through any major issue without my "sister" and that she loves my kids almost as much as I do.
3) We (N. and I) are both blessed with good friends.
4) N. learned how to protect himself whether it is on the playground or if someone tries to kidnap him.
5) He also learned the difference between fighting and protecting yourself.
6) There is a difference between tattletaling and telling an adult when something is important.
7) Children don't necessarily know the difference or how to make the distinction. When we tell them a "rule" we also need to tell them if there is any situation in which the rule doesn't apply.
8) I am very confident in the school that he is attending. It sucks that it happened, but things happen. The teacher and the principal responded immediately and strongly. They had been keeping documentation on EVERY event that occurs so when this happened they were both aware of the severity of it, and confident in their discipline decisions--knowing that no one could accuse them of unfairly targeting this boy or overreacting. Also, they ASKED QUESTIONS to make sure they had the correct story. Apparently the kid tried to tell the principal that N. had pushed him first (I could smack him for that) but she asked him several questions and discovered that N. wasn't even facing the child so he couldn't have pushed him. (Kindergarteners aren't great with creating alibis) So--these people, the teachers and the principal, took the TIME to find out what was going on and to respond appropriately. It is much quicker and easier to just have a flat policy of "Anyone involved in a fight gets an automatic 2 day suspension." Then, they don't have to put any effort into the punishment. But--then someone is unfairly punished and the REAL STORY is never established. Also, in this day of lawsuit happy America, it seems that more and more schools are avoiding punishing students all together. That is just plain dangerous.
So--although I still cry when I think of what could have happened if N.'s friends hadn't been there, I am also so glad that we go to a school with such a good "policy." I don't know if they have it in writing, but it seems to me that they are tuned in to the kids, paying attention and documenting what is happening, and responding to individual situations with individual attention. It may take more time, but it is the right thing to do. I wish that all schools would emulate them.
The teachers did talk to the kids about the difference between tattletaling and telling them when something important happens. They also talked to N.'s friends and told them that what they did was good and that they should be proud of themselves. Again--it might take more time, but it is the right thing to do. And that's what they did.
One final note on exactly the kind of person my son is. One week after this happened we were at a birthday party and D. was there also. N. was so kind to him. He talked to him, asked him to join them in a game N. was playing, and offered him some watermelon when he was getting some for himself and D. was standing nearby. I told him later how impressed I was with him and that I wouldn't have been able to be that nice.
So, now I am worn out. I know this is ridiculously long, and most people didn't read it all, but if you've gotten this far--think about it, and have the conversation with your kids. They ALL know the rule "Don't fight." But, wil they know when it DOESN'T apply?

Robin--where are you??

Robin--I can't email you--I lost your email address! Email me when you can, or send a note to S. if you don't have my email address. His is hisfirstname.hislastname@us.army.mil He can forward it to me (you'll have to mention in your note for him to do that!)

Grown up Furniture!

So--we have been married 9 years and we have always had hand me down furniture. Stuff I buy at Thrift shops and garage sales, because I am going to "fix them up." That worked for a while. Then I had kids. . .I did a great job on the nursery. . .painted the dresser (really fancy too! Not just slappin' on a coat of paint!) painted the bookshelf, sewed curtains, made a dust ruffle. . .etc. etc. etc. Well, guess what! You just can't go around paintin' stuff when you have little kids around!
So--I have been thinking about furniture for a while. We didn't buy any in Europe because the bed sizes are different, so I just kept waiting. Well, we got here and it is time to get J. out of the crib because at 14 months, he was too heavy for the mattress and wasn't sleeping well (so neither was I!)
So--the kids were getting furniture. All 3 get the same thing, because you can't ever tell who might be sharing a room, so I wanted the furniture to match--just in case! They got dressers with built in bookshelves and matching chests. J is napping on his here! He doesn't have anything on his shelves because he just pulls it all off and throws it on the floor! He and R. have cowboys on their comforters--it is very cute! It is also amazing to not have a crib in the house!

N. has pretty much outgrown "theme" rooms, so he has an Americana type quilt. He will eventually have more stuff in his room, but for now, he has somewhere to sleep and you can usually walk across the floor!

I figured since there would already be delivery men at my house and the store was having a "36 month no interest plus double the tax discount" sale--I should get stuff for us too. So I did.
The kids stuff is great. Our stuff is pretty, but a little much to deal with. I think I will get used to it, but it is JUST HUGE!! The bottom of the bedrail is at my knee! I have to use a stool to get into the bed (keep in mind that I am 5' 8") The other problem is that it is a king sized bed, so who knows if it will ever fit in any other army quarters we find ourselves in! Next issue--we are in California--they only sell California King stuff here! Which is just ridiculous! Apparently, the difference between the two is that California King is extra long, while regular king (or "eastern king" as the call it here) is extra wide. Now you tell me--is everyone in this state really 7 feet tall? I think not! Don't they need extra space width wise for the millions of children who appear magically in the night?????
Anyway--the finally problem is that the mattress is also HUGE and nothing fits it! My dad and C. were here for Easter and they bought me this beautiful duvet cover for my birthday--guess what--5 inches to narrow to even cover just the mattress. Nice, huh? I finally found some stuff to go on it. It wasn't my first choice but I had to get something. I was so excited about the new furniture and it just didn't look beautiful with the spiderman blanket on it (the only thing we had that was big enough!) So, I have had this stuff for a couple of days and now I love it. I think it is really pretty. The stupid thing is still huge, it's like sleeping on the top bunk--but I gotta admit, all 3 of those kids can be in that bed with us, and I can still sleep without fearing fall off!!

Promotion

This actually happened before Easter, I just forgot to put the pics up. This was S's promotion ceremony. It was weird because everyone there was in the navy or marines and there were no friends. It made me lonely and miss my friends, but I was also proud of S. I don't really know much about his job or office here, so I am not sure how the rank structure works out. All I know is that one guy that outranks him gave him the oath (he was very good--had the whole thing memorized and was completely at ease) and other guy that outranks S. held J. Of course, J. tried to stab him with a fork that he was holding. Nice way to make a first impression, huh? (Notice that ocean behind the flag? It is REALLY pretty here! you can watch surfers from the window in S's office!)

They are not used to the Army way of celebrating milestones--I showed up with lunch and a cake and they thought I was the greatest thing in the world! Apparently, their way of celebrating is for the guy getting promoted to take all the other officers out for a beer or something. I told them that in the Army, we serve together and we celebrate together!

I had to make sure that we brought the Army to this ceremony!

Sometimes, that "formal" stuff the navy does has its priviledges--parking is very hard to come by at S's building--look what was waiting for me when I got there--a designated space (right next to the admiral's!!!

Easter

I am still trying to get into the swing of the routine here. . .that's why it keeps taking so long to get stuff on here. Anyway--here are some photos from Easter. My Dad and C. came to visit and it was a lot of fun. We went to church, had some friends over for lunch (they are from Texas and just moved here right after we did--they have boys the same age as N. and R. and two girls--one of them babysits! Plus, the mom (L.) is really fun--they are a total blessing from God for us! I was so lonely until they got here!

After lunch, we went to the beach about 10 miles from our house. The water was cold, so I figured that the kids would just stick their feet in and that would be it! No such luck! They got totally soaked--ran all the way out into the water and ended up coming home dressed just in jackets! It was a lot of fun (and very dirty!) I know that this picture is far away but I just think it is so sweet. I always want to have lots of pictures of the kids with their grandparents at all different ages.

J. was not thrilled with the way the sand felt on his feet. He also kept trying to sabotage another family's castle!R.--in his typical style--had a good time, but knew where his personal comfort zone was. Didn't get too deep, and when he got cold, had no problem saying "We're done. Let's go home now."

Great Grandchildren

I thought I had already posted this. . .I have no idea what is wrong with my brain sometimes! This is a photo we took at Christmas at my grandparents' house. 9 great grandchildren--I can't believe we got them to pose like this. It was amazing. My cousin's husband was in the back holding one of the babies up and another one kept crawling away--but all in all it was an amazing thing to see!

Although I was happy to take S.'s name when we got married, I miss "my" name, and the connection it immediately gave. In addition to that, my grandparents have always been very important people in my life. They just kind of define what marriage should be (to me, anyway) They've been married for 53 years!!! And some of the most profound advice I got right before my wedding came from my Papa. He said that in a marriage, you should always feel like the other person loves you more than you love them. That way, you'll always be trying to work harder and get better. Think about that. Pretty simple--but pretty perfect right?

Anyway--that's not my point. . .my point is that I wanted my children to have some connection to my family. They have their daddy's last name, but I wanted "me" in their names too. My grandfather is truly the most amazing person in the world. He is a great man. I want to be the kind of person that he has always been. A lot of times in a confusing situation I try to picture what he would tell me to do. . .anyway. . .digressing again. The point is that I want my kids to have him in their lives. They don't get to spend weekends with them like I did, but I want them to know that their greatgrandparents are strong, amazing people that they should be proud to be related to. . .so N's name is my brother's name, and his middle name is my grandfather's brother's name. R's name is my grandfather's father's name. And J's name is my grandmother's father's name and his middle name is my grandfather's middle name. I know that sounds convuluted and confusing to you--but to me--and someday to my kids--it is clear--both the connection and what it represents!

Here are some pictures with Papa!

The pictures wouldn't post before!

The family at Christmas

Babies in the bathtub!

J.s first haircut!

J's first birthday--he did NOT want to play in the cake like the other two did on their first birthdays! And I made him a special cake and everything! (Don't worry--it got eaten!!)

The boys and their cousin at Christmas in Texas!

Sorry its been so long!

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. The days have just been flying by. . .which is nice, since it means that we are settling in! Here's an update on everyone. . .
N. very quickly adjusted to his new school and has made lots of friends. He has another loose tooth and will have a birthday in a couple of months. It seems so strange to me that he will be 7!! He is doing great in school and can read ANYTHING! It is amazing! He is having sleepovers and going to tons of parties. He is still very compassionate and caring and tends to be the peacemaker (except where his brothers are concerned!)
R. continues to be his genius little self. He very much misses his best friend from Germany, but has made one friend that he plays with a lot. We are having a good time together when N. is at school and J. is napping. . .it is nice for him to have some "only child" time. He mastered potty training in about a week and will start preschool in the fall at the same school as N!!
J. is just the happiest baby ever! He walks all over everywhere and just smiles constantly. He is quite a little brute! He is very physical and likes to tear things up. He's not much for talking, but makes a lot of sounds. . .he doesn't really do tricks either. The only things he does are wave bye bye, give kisses, and pull on the refrigerator door when he wants a bottle!! (I am a typical mom and have given in to the "baby" more than I did the other two. On their first birthdays, I put all the bottles in the trash--J. still has his. S. calls it his "crack pipe" because it seems to be an addiction!)
S. is doing great at his new job. He is still a little thrown off by the slow pace of it. He constantly seems to be confused by the fact that there aren't 100 fires to put out! He is home early in the afternoons (around 5) and can be here for anything we need! It has been nice rediscovering friendship. We did pretty well throughout command, but we defnitely didn't get much time together. Here we have plenty of time to do things with the kids and just sit and talk. It's great. He will be officially promoted on Monday. I didn't think there would be anything to mark the occasion, but we are having a promotion ceremony Monday morning that the kids and I will go to. . .I am glad about that. I wish we would be with friends to have a big party, but this will do.
As for me, I am settling in. I am comfortable driving around the little world that I have carved out of the big city of San Diego. It is strange and sad living without my "sister" next door, and I miss her a lot. Fortunately, she is one of the rare people who manages to keep up relationships, even though we don't see each other everyday. We catch up on the phone when we can and email. Thank God for email. It makes this crazy nomad army life bearable! I have made a friend, though. She moved here about 3 weeks after we did. She is from North Dallas and she has boys N. and R.s ages. She also has two girls 9 and 12. It defnitely helps to have someone that I can call to get N. at school or to just hang out and talk with. I joined a gym and weight watchers and am SLOWLY making progress. It is nice to just be doing something for myself, even though I would definitely prefer a little faster weight loss!
So, that's about it for us lately. These are some random photos to catch up a little!

So. . .here we are. . .California--and it is more foreign to me than Germany ever was! We have a nice house with a wonderful yard--the kids love it. It is nice to be able to just open the back door and send them out! It is scary, though, to be back in the states with the kids. I am a nervouse wreck any time we are in public.
I assume that I will get used to it. I am trying to follow the advice I used to give everyone who was new in Germany--it takes 6 weeks to feel at all comfortable. I am still waiting to be comfortable here. All of our things have been delivered, and we are swimming in boxes. We are also bleeding money! It is expensive to set up a house. A new refrigerator, washer, dryer, freezer, phones, cell phones, lamps. etc. etc. etc. Anyway--I'm sure it will all come together eventually, but until then, my credit card is smoking!
I will get the camera going again soon---and show some shots of the kids in the new place. We definitely don't miss the Bavarian winters--it was 65 here today! YEAH!!