Six Days

There are six days left. I am already crying a little--in hiding. I am trying not to waste the last few moments. The thing that I am noticing most is the difference when it is not a whole unit deploying. It is kind of nice, because we can be a little bit anonymous--know one has to know that we are going to the movies because it is our last chance--but at the same time, I feel so ALONE. Not that he is going, but that I am the only one being left. Obviously, that isn't true, but the rest of his team members' families live all over the country right now. Not here with me. I miss having someone here with me, crying about the same thing at the same time. I hope that this will be like the other times and I'll feel so much better the day after he leaves. For now, I crying in hiding.

Happiness is...Walking Your Kids to Class!

This is a picture from last time S was home...but--he'll be here again soon for predeployment leave!!

Hi Mommies of Babies!

In the last few weeks, several of my nearest and dearest have had new babies. Although they have blogs, they are most likely too tired to write on them right now. However, I think that if I were in their shoes, I would once in a while be reading other blogs, just as a distraction. I also remember that in the early stages of new babyhood, I often felt lonely and that everyone had forgotten me. I HOPE that none of you are feeling that way, but just in case you are (and you are actually reading my blog) I wanted to take a moment to say "HELLO! You are beautiful and so is your baby (or babies, B!) and you are doing a great job! Your baby loves you and everyone else loves you.
Please be sure that you accept help from anyone who offers. They genuinely want to help you, and it doesn't mean that you aren't doing your job if you feed the baby and then let someone else burp them while you go get an extra hour's sleep! I love you guys! (And--I am posting your pictures here without your permission, but I have made sure that they are low resolution so no one can copy them and make millions of dollars off of ads featuring your baby (Although they are definitely beautiful enough to be models!!)
So--ladies first--Baby E.L.

Baby Boy

and Baby Boys!

Ummm--shouldn't I be insulted?

Yesterday a friend at the school said she had to tell me something away from the kids. She said that over spring break, she and her mom were driving and they saw me running. She said "You stopped at the corner and there was a guy behind you and he was TOTALLY checking out your a**!"

I said "Really? That is AWESOME!" She wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I told her that I know that as a female, I truly should be insulted or offended or whatever, but honestly, I would LOVE to get a catcall once in a while! Once a guy honked and whistled at me from his car--that kept me running faster for miles!

It's not that I ever WOULD pose in Playboy or anything, I'd just like to have the body that someone would think that I COULD!

Once we got a new battalion commander. His wife was walking through the battalion area, and after she walked by, S heard one of the guys say "Man! Who was that hot blond chick that just went in the building?" He almost fell over when he heard it was the commander's wife! (That probably sounds terribly old to him--he was about 19--she was close to 40!) So, that's my goal. Someday, if S is ever a battalion commander, I want some soldier to make a comment about me like that. In fact, I will insist that he gets a medal or promotion or something on the spot!

And, with that, I will now find a way to add one of those little counter thingies to the top of my blog to keep track of my 10 pound weight loss goal. Wish me luck!

Spirit Day

Guess what "Spirit Day" it was at school today? The boys' favorite...they plan for it all year! The colored "spiker glue" really worked...it made the little pony tails feel like they were made out of rubber...they reminded me of the little springs that you put on the backs of doors to keep them from ruining the walls. You could thump them and they would just spring back!
The best part is thta it washed right out...unlike the colored hairspray that I HATE!

Weirdness!

Sometimes I am truly amazed by how weird my brain is. Once in a while, I sit down to write a blog post, and all kinds of things come to mind that I have NO BUSINESS saying out loud--much less writing on the internet.
I also seem to do this in "conversations" in my head. I think this is mostly a product of so little adult interaction. S. and I both talk A LOT (I know, I know--you are shocked.) So, when he's around, we are in constant conversation. That is a good thing, because we pretty much know everything that is going on with each other all the time. I know A LOT about the army, and he can tell you the steps for making a personalized hooded towel (he can't make them though).
Anyway--without him here, I don't get to talk to an adult much. The ones I see are generally for specific interaction. Teachers--school conversations. Clients--workout instructions. Baseball coaches--practice times, snack schedules. Etc. Not like the random stream of conciousness conversations that I am used to having every evening.
Then, you add the fact that I am a little more stressed than is normal--with no one to talk about that stress with. It tends to create these "statements" in my head that I want to just SCREAM. They don't make any sense, because they aren't part of a conversation and they aren't in response to any event. They just pop in my head. I guess it is my brain's way of blowing off steam so I don't ACTUALLY say any of these bizarre sentence fragments to anyone. The few people I do interact with would probably run screaming!
Does ANYONE else do that type of thing? Here are some of my latest:
1) Hey! Here's an idea! SHUT UP!
2) Good to see you! Get the hell out of here.
3) I truly, truly hate that entire thing.
4) No one cares about that. Not one little bit. No one.
5) Maybe you should move away and then we could be friends again.
6) I hate stupidness--in all of its forms.
7) Go away. Far away. Don't come back--not even to visit.
8) NO NO NO NO NO!
9) I am SO much better at this than you are!
10) Really? That is SO UNinteresting.

That's Showin' 'Em!!

Having been made fun of a lot in my life...and remembering just about every time with crystal clarity...I hate embarrassment. I hate to be embarrassed. I hate to see other people embarrassed. I get embarrassed for other people. I can't watch debates on TV, I hate April Fools Day, and "roasts" make me sick to my stomach.

As I watched this clip--before she opened her mouth, I was PRAYING that she would be awesome. I knew the laughs that were out there in the audience--I could feel them before I could hear them...I so didn't want her to have to stand on that stage and experience that. Even if she was strong enough and brave enough, I didn't want it for her.

And then she started to sing. My goodness. Amazing. Truly. If you don't believe that God gives people gifts--you should listen to this woman. I hope that she gets to live her dream.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR_N9iljeMk

Operation Purple Camp

For those of you who are military--have you ever heard of Operation Purple Camp? It is a really amazing opportunity that is available for our children!! The National Military Family Association and the Sierra Club have created a partnership that involves camps in almost every state of the country. It provides military children a chance to go to camp for a week--and its free.

Last year, one of the camps was held on Catalina Island. A camera crew followed a few of the kids around and also intereviewed their families. They made a documentary called Red, White, and Green. They did a REALLY good job. The movie shares what the kids are thinking and feeling, as well as explains why the NMFA and Sierra Club do this for us.

The boys and I got to join some friends at the premiere of the movie a few weeks ago at Camp Pendleton. It was awesome! I have known about OPC for a while, and have wanted N to attend, but he has completely refused...10 minutes into the movie, he leaned over and said "Mom--I want to GO TO THAT!!"

It was really interesting how they talked about the kids having a chance to let their guards down a little. Even the kids who didn't really think they had much "issue" with a parent being deployed said that they felt a sense of relief when the got to camp. Everyone understands what you are feeling. You don't have to "protect" your at home parent from your tears or worries. You don't have to "take care of" younger siblings, you can cry, laugh, get really mad, act really silly, etc. And, everyone around you totally gets it. At one point, a girl is talking about her dad, and she starts to cry. She is a little embarrassed, because she's just met all these kids, and another girl just puts her arm around her and puts her head on her shoulder.

The people involved (camp organizers, Sierra Club, NMFA, etc.) were also included in the video. They were awesome! You could really tell that they so LOVE these kids and really want to show them how grateful the nation is for THEIR service. The lady that talks to them at the beginning of the week (Patty Barron of NMFA) tells them that the country knows how much they sacrifice and how they serve as well...and camp is a way to thank them.

I do feel like Americans appreciate our service (family members') but I don't know if that ever gets translated to the kids, so that they can FEEL that appreciation. Kind of like breakfast the other day, this is a tangible way for the kids to understand that THEY are special, different, and important.

At one point, someone (I think Patty) says "military kids live in your community. Get to know them. They look like normal kids, they act like normal kids, they play like normal kids, but they carry an extraordinary burden." (Of course, at that point, I immediately started to cry!)

N has never been away from me for a long time before (he stayed in Texas last year for a few extra days, but he was with family) and it is making me very nervous. The video made me much more comfortable, because you could feel how much all of the people involved REALLY cared about the kids and wanted them to have a good experience. They have put a lot of thought and planning into everything that goes into the camp week, so I know they will take good care of him. I don't think I would be ready for him to go to a sleep over camp if it was for scouts, or even church, but this situation seems like it will be very good for him.

The process is that you apply for a camp (you can only apply for one, and it should be in your state) and from those applications, children are selected based on things like whether their parent is currently deployed, about to deploy, etc. (They don't have to be deployed to be accepted!) Then you get notified in May if you get a spot. (It isn't first come first served) I know I'm not giving you a lot of time, but if you want to apply, you still have a few days. The deadline is April 20th--that is only a week away. I didn't give you much notice, but there is still time!! You can go to operationpurple.org and click on camp locations. The website also gives more information about the camps. You can also see a little promo for the video.

Another thing--I would highly recommend this video for teachers, counselors, principals, and other adults that interact with military kids, particularly if they are in a "civilian" school. I gave it to the counselor at our kids' school, and it gave her a lot of insight into not just what the kids are experiencing, but how they are processing it and how the feel about it. Since we have been with the military for so long, we assume that some stuff is just understood, but it is amazing how much of it is completely FOREIGN ideas to civilian people who don't have a lot of exposure to military families. Or even those who do interact with us a lot, but aren't directly affected by the military. If you want a copy of the video, contact NMFA.

Here is a picture of us at the premiere. They had a red carpet and everything!! (I'm not sure why my teeth look so weird--reflections off the braces??)

Easter

Much to say about how the sermon today related to my life...soon. For now, we are off to have lunch/dinner with friends.


Funny, the things you don't do or can't do when your spouse is gone. Like set up the tripod to take a family picture. Or--pin your bra to your dress so it doesn't show when you stand up to sing hymns (fortunately, my friend did that for me!)

Went to see Monsters vs. Aliens after church. not my favorite movie. But, distracting!

Here is a picture of us before church. The boys wore bunnies in their shirt pockets! Cute! My friend took the pics too...This one's from the phone. I'll put one from the camera up later!

The Teams' Visit to the Mother-in-Law's Church

Here are some photos of the teams eating dinner at my mom's church: S. saying thanks to my mom:

My sister and her kids with Uncle S--L is VERY in to Army men, and this was his first chance to meet some real ones (he knew Uncle S was a soldier, but hadn't ever seen him in uniform, so this was a cool day!)

My brother in law owns a sign company, and he made this banner for the dinner. All the soldiers signed it, and they put it up in the church for everyone to see that the guys had been there. (Don't you think they should use a picture of C sitting on one of the banners as an advertisement for the business? Look how cute she is!!)

After getting over being shy, L. had a great time hanging out with the "Army men."

Some of them had already headed back to the bus, but this is some of the guys saying "Thanks!"

The priest is a former Marine. He wasn't a priest in the Marines, he followed that calling after retirement. S. felt he needed a little army in his life, so he took him a 1ID Pilsner glass!

And this is what S would look like if he had a little girl!

Running in the Rain

This morning I went for a run, even though the sky was pretty black. Folks in southern California don't take kindly to rain, so I was pretty much alone on the streets. It didn't pour down, but there were enough drops that I was pretty wet when I got home. And, the kids would have been too, except for the fact that they were so covered up.

These children travel in the lap of luxury these days! Remember when we were kids and when you went on a long trip you just had to sit there and listen to whatever crappy 8 track your dad was playing and pinch your sister for getting on your side of the backseat? Not these days! These kids have all the comforts of home, whether in the car, or even in the jogging stroller!

Check out these boys: It looks like they are protected from the rain. Good thing, because it prevents any CPS calls, but the reality is, they have to have that cover so they can see the screens of their personal DVD players. Yes, I said PLAYERS. As in, plural. Because, why would you share something like that?
So, for one little hour long stroller ride, these kids have with them: pop tarts, sippy cups of milk (don't harrass me about the sippys--they know how to use big boy cups, I just like the cleanliness), jackets, a blanket for their laps, a blanket to create the movie theater atmosphere and the DVD players. What else could you want (other than for your mom to stop every 50 feet or so and change the volume or adjust the picture or whatever)? Nothing. They barely even notice that we've left the driveway.

All of that stuff they bring along adds up to about 10 pounds. They weigh 42 and 46 pounds. The stroller weighs 32 pounds. That is a grand total of 130 pounds. Do you know what happens when you push 130 pounds in front of you as you go up a mountain? You go MUCH SLOWER. As if I needed that. I'm already slow--at this point it is like I am going backwards.

But, guess what happens when you are pushing 130 pounds in front of you as you are going down the mountain? YOU GO FAST. Really fast. Uncontrollably fast.

There is a certain point on my favorite run route that I tend to stretch out my stride and speed up, because it has just the right angle to make me feel like I am a great runner without causing undue damage to my shins and knees. For the last few months I mostly run on my own during the hour and 15 minutes I have while J is in school and I'm not in the other kids' classrooms. Since it is spring break, today they were with me. As I came around the corner, I picked up my pace and stretched out my stride--and then the stroller took off and tried to leave me!

It was flying down the mountain! Guess what happens when you try to stop running with 130 pounds dragging you--you CAN'T! Even if you try to surprise the stroller and suddenly jerk to a dead halt...no such luck. If you are lucky, it will drag you along like a crazy great dane puppy the first time it is on a leash. If you are not lucky, it is possible that you will ruin the knees of your gray yoga pants and flip your double jogging stroller up in the air like a rearing stallion, frightening your children enough to look up from their movie and wonder how they got this far from the driveway. I don't know from experience or anything--I'm just saying, hypothetically, that it could happen.

The good news is that my run time was pretty good. Even pushing the 130 pound stroller. I guess the flying compensated for the moving backwards. Lovely. Tomorrow I will leave them with the neighbor!

Another Welcome to the World!

My newest niece (really she is my cousin's daughter, but that gets confusing, so we just have our kids call each other aunt and uncle). Anyway--baby girl is HERE!! She and her mom are happy, healthy, and beautiful!! (Her dad is also very cute!) Anyway--Here is E.L., born Thursday, April 9th at 3:04pm. She weighs 6 lbs, 13 ozs and is 19 1/2 inches long. Congrats to Aunt E and Uncle Buck and welcome to the world baby girl!!

Found It

Geez...no wonder it sounded familiar. It is EXACTLY the same title I used in a post a while back. I should get more creative (or listen to better music!) I think I should change the title to the previous post to "I am a big fat whine baby"

Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me

Something about the title of this post sounds familiar. I know it is the name of an old country song--but it is more than that. I think I've probably used it as a title before. Which should probably tell me to stop writing now and get over myself. And yet, I write. Because it makes me feel better. I think.

Anyway--today was just kind of a downer for me. Nothing SAD happened. Just kind of down. S and his team are on their way to Ft. Polk for some training. They stopped at my mom's church for a GIANT pot luck dinner. Given only 2 days notice, a tiny church of about 100 people threw together a shindig to feed 25 soldiers several times over. Very cool.

My little nephew got to go too. He is VERY into "Army men" so the idea of meeting some real ones was pretty cool for him. Apparently, he was a little shy at first, but eventually had a great time.

The soldiers were thrilled, because they are tired of mess hall food. The church members were thrilled because they are "adopting" the team to send care packages for the next year, and they are excited to have faces to put with names. Also, the idea of being "up close and personal" with a soldier is pretty cool to them...I guess it has become such a normal thing to me, I had no idea it was such an event. My army boy nephew was thrilled because he got to meet real Army men. My sister was thrilled because her kid was thrilled, and isn't that the best thing a mom can get? (even though her car got broken into last night--sucko!) So, everyone had a great time.

It made me sad. Not necessarily jealous (although of course I wish I had been there) just kind of lonely. But, I'm glad they got to do it--very cool when everyone involved in something gets so much out of it--especially when they only had a couple of days to pull it off!

So, after hearing about that, I went to sign my lease. Thankfully, we don't have to move while S is gone. But, it was sad to sign it by myself and then sign my name and write "for S.--POA." Lonely again.

THEN--I did a little easter shopping, since I am a horrible mother and have not gotten all that done yet. While I was there, I remembered I needed a new pillow. So I bought one. One. 'Cause I'm the only one in the bed who needs a new pillow. Lonely again.

Finally, I came home and checked email and had a note about a new friend on Facebook. Mind you, I have no idea how to work facebook. I have a page, and once in a while I get an email that says someone wants to be my friend, or someone has left me a note. I click on the link and it takes me to it. I have no idea how to get there myself, and only rarely figure out how to comment back. Anyway--as is the black hole that is facebook, I was clicking around a while and a bunch of people I went to high school with were commenting back and forth on each other's pages about hanging out together, getting together to play golf or have a barbeque. Lonely again.

Not that I have ever gotten to hang out with high school friends since we graduated--I've never lived close enough. AND--I have friends all over the world. AND--I have friends here. But, that did not matter in those moments because I wanted to go to that barbeque. I'm lonely.

I will be better tomorrow, but today I feel sorry for me. I AM NOT sobbing and hiding. Just a bit down. And I have imposed a 12 hour limit. So, in the middle of the night I will have to cut it out.

Oh--and I ate 2 apple pies at McDonalds. 6 Weight Watchers points each, in case you are wondering. They aren't even good. Ever since they took away that delicious fried goodness that used to be the apple pies (and heaven help me I sometimes dream about the cherry ones! Anyone remember those??) they aren't that good. The baked ones are a pitiful excuse for McDonalds dessert! Boo! And yet--2. I ate 2. You can't buy 1. You buy 2 for $1. And then--you must eat them both. I suppose if there was someone with you, you could give them the other one. But, I probably wouldn't. I offered it to R and J, but they turned me down (and I didn't really want to give it to them anyway!) So, I ate both since there was no one to share with me--wow, that's lonely too. And I didn't even think of it that way in the moment. So--I guess I should stop writing now--I'm creating new reasons to be down, when my time limit rapidly approaches!

I will smile in the morning!

Feeling Bad

Ok--I have to better explain myself. I'm feeling bad about the notes I'm getting about the "who's watching me" thing. As several of you have said, I also like to read blogs from people who lived in Germany and other places with us...makes me feel less "homesick" and more connected!

Just so you know--the person I am referring to is not just reading and moving on. I don't mind when people don't leave comments because I do that all the time. I'm talking about someone who randomly once in a while within my hearing makes comments that are negative about some topic I've mentioned on my blog. Basically, taking the opposing opinion and saying my opinion is wrong.

I wouldn't mind it if it were things like politics or religion--but I don't think I mention either of those very frequently on my blog. More like if I were to say "I really like living in a two story house..." I would then hear from them "People who live in two story houses are so horrible! What a waste of space on our land!" That is a fictious example, but kind of gives you an idea of what I am talking about. Not really something that you would just randomly be talking about, unless you 1) read/heard it mentioned elsewhere and 2) wanted to offend or rebut the person talking.

Ok--it really isn't that important of a thing. I am a big girl and probably shouldn't care--it was just bothering me the other day, and I will let it go. I just wanted to apologize to the NICE people who might have thought I meant them!!

Have a good day! Don't forget--it is the Month of the Military Child...somewhere around you is probably offering something fun...since it is spring break, we are taking advantage!!

I'm totally laughing AT you!

A good mother doesn't laugh at her children, right? So--I think that means that I am a bad mother. I laughed at both of my oldest two kids today. Not in their faces, but I did laugh at them. I probably laughed at the youngest as well, but I laugh at him all the time.

This is spring break. R is not thrilled about it. When his teacher told him on Friday that they would not come back to school for a week, he was in tears. He loves school.

This is only Tuesday, and I have to say, I have kept them pretty busy! We went to the beach on Saturday, Then we went to a birthday party, had a playdate at our house, AND went to the school to play baseball with friends on Sunday, and yesterday we met some friends for dinner and their boys spent the night with us. Then, today my boys went bowling with some other friends and they played at their house all afternoon. I even got to go hang out with them after my doctor's appointment and have 3 hours of adult interaction!! Woo hoo!! Then we went to a local pizza place for "family night."

Anyway--R is not thrilled about all the time off. In fact, he has composed a song about it. He wrote it down, and this is what I found on the kitchen cabinet today.
Translation (for those who don't read kindergartenese):

The Lonlye Childe

I am a lonlye boy.

There is no one to play with

They are sik and gon and visting famly.

So I am a lonley Boy.

By: R

It truly cracks me up. N. tells me that R wrote this on Sunday. He had been out of school for LESS than a whole weekend. I hope that kindergarten teacher realizes how much she's loved! This kid is SO serious about the world. The only problem is that he takes it too seriously sometimes. I thought it was supposed to be the oldest child who was bossy, but this kid bosses EVERYONE--brothers, friends, grown ups--everyone.

J. came in crying today and said "Every time I play with R he won't let me be the boss or the leader!!" They like to play "shows" like scooter shows, or bicycle shows, etc. J always has to follow and copy R. He used to be ok with it, but now he's had enough. He also doesn't like when they play pretend like cops or aliens or cowboys, because R will say his "line" and then tell J what he has to say. He wants to write the whole script and J has HAD ENOUGH already!

On to laughing at the oldest child...N, as the typical older brother, likes to get the best of the little ones. He tries to convince them to "trade" him for stuff he wants that they have, and he always has to rub it in a little if he has something better than they have.

At dinner tonight, he was trying to convince R to trade bouncy balls with him. He tried several different tactics, but nothing worked. Finally, he started talking about how HIS ball bounces WAY higher than R's AND his ball is CHARGERS COLORS. R looked at him with disdain and said in that lilting 'you are such an idiot' voice: "Uh, no it's not. I don't think the Chargers are purple." N was crushed in defeat.

R is always very considerate when he corrects N on colors (N is color blind and R doesn't want to make him feel bad). He is usually just very matter of fact and tells him the right thing, but today, with zinging sarcasm (I have no clue where he learned it) he let N know that he was no easily fooled 5 year old anymore! He wasn't trading his bouncy ball that he KNEW was the best one--and certainly not for some poor excuse for a Chargers replica that wasn't even the right color!

They truly crack me up!!

On a different topic, here are some shots from the kindergarten day at the farm (J got to go as well--remember, he is an "honorary kindergartener"!!) and the preschool easter egg hunt. Both were exhausting and R might be unhappy about spring break, but I was SO READY for some non programmed time!

Feeling Watched

This is going to sound strange...but I feel like someone is "watching" me. Not in real life, but through my blog. I read several blogs, and I don't comment on every post, so I understand that...this is someone who NEVER comments. It's not like I think hundreds of people every day read it...

It's just a weird feeling. I guess it doesn't so much bother me that "s/he" reads it--otherwise I would make it private...it just seems weird that they don't acknowledge reading it. Does that make any sense? I don't have a tracker or anything like that--but I just get the feeling from random things being pieced together that whoever it is 1) reads my blog and 2) doesn't want to admit it. I think that is the part that bothers me...is it because they don't want me to know they read it, or they don't want OTHER people to know?? I don't get it. But, I am considering making it a private blog.

I know that having to log in makes it more complicated. Let me know if you have any interest in being on the "invited readers" list.

PS--I know it isn't you, Uncle D--I get to hear your responses on the phone! I'm talking about something else...

I Think I Might Have Passed a Test!

If you remember my story about having the opportunity to wait and listen to God's plan--I think I passed the test! The owners of our house called Friday and they are not coming back this summer! We get to stay in the house through June 30, 2010. By that time, S will be back and it will be time to move to the next duty station.

So, we get to stay in our safe little cocoon and wait out the deployment--or actually, LIVE out the deployment. I will not let "my husband is deployed" define my whole being. We will miss him, but we will have a great year. We will play sports, and go on trips, and hang out with friends, and SMILE, and be HAPPY!!

I think God and S. are proud of me today. Also, I am thinking of giving everyone in the family a nickname for the blog. Another blog that I read does that, and it seems a lot easier to follow than using first initials like I do. If you know my family and have suggestions, let's hear it.

Hey Good Lookin'!!

I love this man. Isn't he hot? Admit it--he is good lookin'!!!

Welcome to the World!

Who's the most precious newborn baby in the whole wide world?? This one!! My newest nephew!

His name is really cool (but I don't like writing names on blogs, so I will just call him "the baby" until his parents give him a nickname.) He was born on March 25th at 10:25am. He weighed 7 lbs, 4ozs, and is just gorgeous. Truly perfect.

Here he is with big sister, Sweet Pea.

And with big brother, Bear.