What a Week

My stepfather died this week. He was a heart disease patient for 11 1/2 years. He had an LVAD and a heart transplant. He got really sick lots of times, and better lots of times. But, this time he didn't. I got to Texas on Saturday and he got progressively worse through the weekend. Monday, it was obvious that it wasn't going to get better. I stayed in the room with my mom and my aunt until the very end. Maybe I'll write more about that some time. I'm not sure I can.

I've never seen a dead person before. This was a pretty awful way to see the first one. He was in BAD shape by the end--tubes, wires, etc. It wasn't fun to look at. But, the truly most horrible thing in the world was to watch my mom say goodbye to him as he took his last breaths.

The funeral wasn't until today (Saturday) so the week was LONG and hard. But, in a way, it was good that it was so many days in between. It gave her some time to get through the worse "hysterical" part of the pain, and get to the place where she could appreciate the celebratory part of the service. It also gave me a chance to see her make a few tiny steps of progress. It is going to be so horrible for her. The idea of her coming home to an empty house for the first time just rips my heart out.

It has been just the two of them for so long, that I can't imagine what she'll do. I don't want her to have to do it. She is saying things like "I'm going to make some plans" and "I have some ideas" and things like that. I know that means she is on the road to survival, but it will be such a long road. . .I don't want to think of it. She was able to smile a lot today. That made it a little better.

I have to leave tomorrow. I think there is a special place in hell for a person who leaves her mother the day after her husband's funeral. But, I've been here for a week and I have to get home. We are going to Hawaii for the Wheel of Fortune trip on Wednesday. I was going to cancel, but my mom really wanted us to go. Originally, she and my stepdad were supposed to come watch the kids. We have a new plan, but it is still sad. Again--a special place in hell--not only do I leave my mother the day after her husband's funeral--but I leave and go to Hawaii?? What kind of person DOES that?

I think she is ready to have her house back. My sisters and my aunt and I have all been here all week (wow--I thought infantrymen had bad language--you should hear a house full of women when one of them just lost a husband!!) She has definitely been glad we were here, but I think there will be a sense of relief when we go. She will be sad to say goodbye, but that would be the case if we left now, or in a month. I am really GLAD that she is ready for us to go. It would be much worse if she was saying she couldn't make it if we left her. I know that she is in as healthy a place as she can be right now, but my heart still breaks for her.

A lot of times I feel guilty for not being "home" when things happen. When my grandfather had surgery, when my siblings' kids were born, even when they have happy family gatherings--I just HATE that I am not here. I'm the oldest child and I contribute nothing. I know it is great that S. serves in the military and we are contributing to the bigger picture, but my family is a pretty big picture to me, and I have failed them over and over--and now I will do that again tomorrow when I leave my mother crying in her driveway.

I don't really think any of this post makes any sense. I haven't really tried. I wanted to write something down, but a lot of the details are too MUCH right now to be able to get them out coherently. So, for now, I guess it is just therapy to write it out--as much as I am able.

Random Things

I seem to only write on my blog when a major event happens. Nothing major has happened directly to me, but several random things have happened. And, I can't sleep, so I thought I write some of them down.

First, a good thing. I passed my trainer certification. I got a 96% on the written part and 100% on the practical part. That was the part that was worrying me for 5 weeks, and turns out I did fine. So, I may be able to start working at the gym soon. If any clients want to work out with me. We'll see. I am really looking forward to taking a few more classes. I'm going to do a Pilates Mat class instructor course, a "floor, core, and more" class, and a group exercise instructor class. The cool thing is that the gym pays for all of them for me, so it is GREAT.

We leave for the Wheel of Fortune trip to Hawaii in a few weeks. I am kind of nervous about leaving the kids. N is 8 1/2 years old, and S and I have never spent the night alone since he was born. I have actually only been away from the kids overnight for 4 nights TOTAL, other than being in the hospital to have another baby. So, it will be scary, but it will be fun to have some time to just pay attention to each other. We so rarely even get to finish a whole conversation. And, the conversations are usually about who is going to give baths and who is going to wash dishes--rarely anything meaningful. So, it will be good.

N continues to be an outstanding athlete. This weekend he played GREAT at his basketball game. The whole team did really well. They won 20-19, but I was just really amazed at the improvement that they made since last week! The coach was really excited too. He was pretty down last week when he realized that the other coaches were teaching the kids things like picks, screens, etc. He is VERY in to basketball and has been trying hard not to put too much pressure on the kids. So, after last week's game, he felt really guilty because the other team had done that stuff, and ours hadn't. This week, they worked on it in practice, and they were awesome.

About an hour after the game ended, N had baseball tryouts. He actually tried out for a league one year above his age group. He didn't know that. We decided that for him. We didn't tell him, though--so technically it isn't really parents pushing their kids to overachieve, right?

S left the day before to go to Japan, so the little boys and I took him to the tryout. I was really worried that he would be embarrassed to be there with his mom. Everyone else was warming up with their dads. As we were walking up, I said "Hey, if you want to warm up, I'll throw the ball with you, but you won't hurt my feelings if you don't want to." He said he didn't, but as we got closer, I found a dad from the soccer team, and he let N throw the ball with him and his son.

They ended up calling all the 9 year olds first, and making the 8 year olds wait until the end. That was hard for the little guys, because we had left their chicken nuggets in the car. The tryout was supposed to be an hour, so I figured they would be hungry by then. Well, it ended up being 2 1/2 hours before N was done, but by the time we realized it was going to be longer I couldn't go get the food, because it kept SEEMING like he would be up any minute! They did great though. J said he was hungry several times, and wanted to be held, but they were really really good.

A few minutes after they all lined up, N had a sudden flash of insight as to what the word "tryout" actually meant. He turned around and said "Mom, what does that mean--tryout? Does it mean I might not get to be on a team?"

I was trying to leave him alone, and only talk to him in casual conversation (not act all "motherly.") So, I walked over and explained that it was really more of an "evaluation" so that they would know how everyone played, so the teams would be as even as possible when they did the draft. I also said "This is actually the league for 9 year olds. Only a few 8 year olds were invited to tryout." That was kind of a stretch, since each kid's parents (and the kid, I guess) decided if they would tryout up or not, but it still made him feel good, He looked around and saw how few 8 year olds there were, and he was pretty excited. I didn't tell him that if they have too many 9 year olds, they will move the 8 year olds back down. I heard that is not likely to happen, but I guess it COULD, so I just didn't mention it either way.

He did really great. He hit 3 out of 5 pitches off the machine (55 MPH pitches!), ran the bases fast and had an excellent slide into 3rd base, stopped all 3 grounders at shortstop and threw straight to the 1st baseman, caught all 3 pop flies in the outfield and threw directly to the 2nd baseman, and then he was done. So, he really couldn't have done better!

Here is a really cool thing that happened. While the tryouts were going on, I walked over to N (he was sitting on the ground) and knelt down. I told him that I was watching the pop flies. the kids had to start at one cone and catch a pop up, then they moved forward about 4 feet to the next cone and caught one, then back 4 feet behind the center one to catch the third. I told N that they were making the pop flies go directly to them at the center cone, in front of them at the back cone so that they had to run up on it, and behind them when they were at the front cone so they had to back up. We talked about getting his feet ready to move in that direction as he got to each cone.

So, as we were walking to the car, he said "Mom, thanks for the advice about the cones. It really helped." I totally played it cool. I just said "I'm glad. Thanks for saying thanks. That's a really cool thing for you to say, because I didn't want to embarrass you today, and I didn't want to make you crazy telling you what to do." But, I really wanted to pick him up and kiss him for being the SWEETEST kid on earth! What a nice thing to say to your mom! Especially the mom of 3 boys. . .I'm not going to get many chances to be the advice giver. I will honestly never forget it.

Well, there are several other minor things to write about, but now, I actually AM tired, so I'm off to bed. I hope everyone is doing well!

The Point Guard

Somehow, N. continuously excels at every sport he tries. He is so funny about things. His learning style is very similar to mine, in that we DO NOT enjoy not knowing what we are doing. We like to be good at it--immediately. He is smarter about it than I am, though. I mostly just give up if there is something that I don't catch on to right away. He tends to sit back and observe for a while, and then--just do it. (Another reason I am so glad that we chose to wait on starting kindergarten until 6 years old!)

He suddenly is a great skateboarder. That happened sometime last spring. I'm not sure how he learned--or who taught him (other than himself.) It wasn't S. It CERTAINLY wasn't me. I tried to "skate" on his board one day and as soon as I put my second foot on the thing, I realized I had never even STOOD on a skateboard before and that 33 years old was WAY TO LATE to get started. I was frozen and it took me a few seconds to even get off! (But I digress. . .)

Anyway--now he gets on, flies around, goes off a ramp, hangs out at the skatepark--he's not scared. Where does he get that? I have no idea.

In soccer, he reminded me of S and myself. We are basically defensive players when we play sports. S is better than me, and most of my "experience" is remembering WAY back to school days. But, whatever. We are comfortable on defense. N. is too--in soccer.

Then we get to basketball and this kid suddenly is Mr. Attack. He is the point guard for his team. WHAT?!?! HE is "running the offense." Whatever that means. When I played basketball--offense pretty much meant "Please God don't let her throw the ball to me," or "Stand still and draw a charging foul."

N. is LITERALLY dribbling behind his back and between his legs to get around the other team. I'm not joking. He can spin the ball on his finger, bounce it on his knee, and spin it on his finger again. WHO TAUGHT HIM THAT? I don't know. All I can figure is that he is secretly skipping school and hanging out with Michael Jordan (or whoever is today's major basketball star. Shaq?)

They had their first game this weekend. It did not go as well as the beginning of this story might have led you to expect. They lost 9 to 18. But, considering they rallied in the last 2 minutes from a 3 to 18 score--they did pretty well. I think at the end, they suddenly remembered that they knew what they were doing. And they started having fun and quit freaking out. Next week will be better, I'm sure. N. had a really good shot. It was, actually, a "swish." I did not get a shot of it. That seems to be the way things work. I'm so busy cheering and screaming for him, that I forget to take his picture. I will concentrate better next week!

I hope that next week will be better for picture taking. It is taking a little adjusting from the way I took soccer photos, so these aren't great. Just an idea of what he looked like.

OH--and, again, we have been blessed with GREAT coaches. One of them is the older brother of a player on the team. The other coach is this guy's friend. They also have a little brother that is the team mascot. His name is Joey and they call him "Chicken Joe" (like on Surf's Up). The team is the Celtics and Joey has a leprechaun hat that he wore to the game.

The kids love the coaches because they are young (not somebody's dad) and cool and they give everyone nicknames. (N's is "swish"--by N's request. Is that REALLY a nickname?) They are constantly telling the boys how great they are and how cool they are, etc. It is the GREATEST compliment an 8 year old ever received--a high school kid called them cool (I think they actually just graduated, but whatever.)

At each practice, at the end, the coaches pick a player that had the "best practice." It is definitely a big honor to be singled out--but guess what the prize is? The coaches say that you were the best at practice that day--then you get to tell each of your teammates what they did that day that was outstanding. Nice, huh? The kids who are being honored are also made to stop and think about how good the rest of the team is. What a great teambuilding concept. I love it.

I have always believed that sports can teach almost any life lesson--and then I watch my kid's coaches come up with another one that I haven't thought of! I love it!

Christmas Photos

R's Santa Stuff

N's Santa Stuff J's Santa StuffA couple of minutes after coming downstairs. . .
New Skates!
Look at me! Just like Uncle E!! (except I'm naked!)
The sport of the season--BASKETBALL!

Giving vs. Receiving

You know the saying "It is better to give than to receive." I have always felt that way. I LOVE to see the expression on someone's face when they open something that they REALLY wanted that I got them. I think that is so fun. But, when I GET something, I always feel uncomfortable. Basically, I already have so much--I feel unworthy to get a gift. I don't NEED anything. So, I always want to say "You shouldn't have. . ." even though that is cliche--I really feel that way.

Well, this year, for Christmas, my family (at least me anyway) learned a lesson about how good it is to receive.

For one thing, we all had a wonderful Christmas. It was low stress, all the shopping was done early, the presents were mailed on time to the family (except the presents for the Vegas family that we were supposed to take with us when we went to visit--and, of course, left in the middle of the living room floor. . .) Anyway--we had a great Christmas. We spent Christmas eve with our dear friends who have a crazy tradition of always eating KFC on Christmas Eve. I love traditions like that. The ones that are specific to your family (or group) and develop through some weird story. . .anyway--it was fun and didn't require much work!

Christmas day was at our house (same friends of course!) and we had spaghetti. I'm not much of a "traditional American holiday food" fan, so when a holiday is at my house, you can just plan on NOT getting your turkey and sweet potatoes! MY OWN tradition is to make spaghetti for Christmas day! (Be warned, if you ever decide to spend Christmas day at my house--I won't be changing my plans just because you HAVE to have stuffing!)

All of us got everything we wanted for Christmas. The kids' faces were just SO amazing when they opened their gifts from family on Christmas eve. We have always told them that we don't believe in video games at home because we don't want them to become couch potatoes. But, this year, I started thinking about where we might live in the future and what the weather might be like at this time of year, and what they might DO TO THE INSIDE OF MY HOUSE if they didn't have something to entertain them. . .so we decided to relax that rule.

I liked the idea of the Wii, because it is a more physical, interactive video game system. So, one set of grandparents gave the kids money, and that's what we got them. BUT--before we let them open it, we had them open gifts from everyone else. One gift was a Wii game. N. opened it, and said "Oh, mom--look." He was very downspirited.

I said "Honey, they don't know. They don't have kids at home. They probably thought it was a movie or something. We'll take it back to the store and get something else." He said OK and opened another gift--another Wii game. Even sadder face.

Then they opened the last packages. R. and J. each were wrestling with wrapping paper on extra controllers as N. revealed the box--the actual Wii. He was beside himself. He was screaming "We got a Wii! Mom--we got a Wii!!" He was jumping up and down, screaming and yelling and literally looking like a commercial. It was priceless. I think for a moment he considered that we might not let him keep it, but I could tell by his face that he was SURE his grandmother would back him up if he decided to glue himself to it and refuse to give it back! He was truly over the moon!

You can imagine that the grandparents were not impressed that I tried to make them out to be doddering old fools--not knowing what a Wii game was, for goodness sakes!--but it was worth seeing the excitement in him. It is hard to impress an 8 year old you know!

On the other hand, I was silently jumping up and down for the other gift that came with the games--a start to the college funds (sorry--that doesn't actually come with any Wii games--you have to have exceptional grandparents in the family to get it!) Sadly, when they said they wanted to "contribute" to the kids college funds, my only response was "I'm actually hoping for the rapture before college gets here. That's my only plan." So, they decided to start one for each of them. Truly--how does a parent say thank you for THAT kind of gift to their kid?

My darling husband gave me 8, count them--8, workout outfits so that "when you start working, you'll have something to wear." Isn't that sweet? I haven't even gotten my test results yet, and he is CERTAIN that I will have passed and will instantly be overrun with training clients! I also got an Ipod nano and Photoshop Elements. Exactly what I wanted. . .what more can you ask for?

My most sentimental gift is something I've been sort of looking for and wishing for over a few years. I didn't think it was actually out there, so I didn't really search in earnest--but I got this year a paving stone, in the shape of Texas, with a purple and white TCU mosaic on it. Cool, huh? I love it, and I love that I can put it in any yard, wherever I am, and instantly have home there with me.

I don't think S was all that impressed with what I gave him, although they were all things that over the last year he has mentioned liking or wanting. I keep a little slip of paper in my wallet, and when someone mentions liking something, wanting something, or collecting something, I write it down, so I'll have a better idea of what to get at Christmas. He seemed to think they were all OK, but as of yet, hasn't used or relooked at any of it. Maybe I'm not as good at the "giving" part as I thought I was. . .

Isn't it funny how kids are about presents? One gift could cost $100 and another $5, but the $5 one means more than anything else? I love that! When we exchanged presents with the dear friends, it was like that. All of the kids' gifts were REALLY widely different in cost, but all of them were SO happy with what they got (or else they are all 7 really good actors!). That was awesome. I loved that.

That brings me to the lesson. . .

I've been in a lot of conferences and classes where they talk about "skill sets." One of the things that helps us as "more senior" military spouses, is that we have experiences that have helped us to develop various "skill sets." Well, guess what. I do not have the skill set to properly express the gratitude for the gift we were given the day after Christmas.

Actually, as I sit here typing this, I realize that it might not be something that the gift giver wants discussed in this public of a forum--so I'll just say this. They thought nothing of the fact that it was an outrageously amazing gift. They wanted to give it to us (my whole family) and they did. While there was a monetary value attached--that wasn't really relevant. The whole thing was based on friendship and enjoying time together and love for each other that supercedes money or confusion or whatever. I know that is confusing. I didn't mean for it to be when I started writing, but I need to respect the idea that it isn't really completely my story to tell.

So--I'll just say this. It is no secret that this duty station has been very difficult for us financially. And that has put us in the position of not being able to do much for our extended families for gifts and stuff. So, when you are in that spot, you are MUCH more aware of the things that you are RECEIVING, because you can't GIVE much. I don't think we are exceptionally special people, but I do think that when you give a lot of love, it comes back to you--sometimes in ways you don't expect.

This year, we couldn't do elaborate presents or anything like that, but the things that we received were so [I have written 10 words here and none are the RIGHT one to explain how AMAZING it is] that I can't express my feelings. I don't have the skill set to explain to you how truly blessed we are. The friends and family that are in our lives are beyond what anyone has the right to ask for.

No--the person didn't buy us a car or a house or anything like that. It was something much more personal and enjoyable for the whole family--and we are very aware of how lucky we are to have such fortune. We could have half the money we do right now, and still be the richest people in the city!

Christmas photos to follow!!

Catching Up

I have tons of stuff to do today, but it seems like that is never ending. I always think I'll sit down and catch up when I've done all my chores, but that will never happen, so I'm doing it now instead of counting the number of batteries I need for Christmas morning or balancing the checkbook like I should be doing!

So. . .a lot has happened since I last posted. Actually, a lot happened before that, and I didn't get a chance to write it down! Let's see. . .Nov. 3rd my little sister got married. I can't believe that it is legal for a 10 or 12 year old to get married! Or. . .maybe she's actually older than that and it is just hard for me to believe that she is a grown up. That's possible. Hmmm. . .

It was a BEAUTIFUL wedding. It was also so perfect for HER. I love when ceremonies are such a reflection of the persons involved. Just to tell you what I mean, here are some things that happened through the day. Right before she walked down the aisle, I went to the hallway to get her and she was sitting on the floor in her wedding dress singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" with the flowergirls and ring bearer. Other people would be irritated that the kids couldn't be still. My sister finds joy in children being children, and she loves them for it!

Through the service, the little ones would go back and forth from the front row (with Nana and Pop) to the front (where their moms were!) It didn't bother J. one bit! She loved it. When my sister-in-law tried to make her daughter be still, J. actually waved at her that the kids were fine! She really is so good with kids. It is definitely a special gift that she has.

They had a "sand ceremony" instead of a unity candle. They each had a seperate color of sand that they poured into one bottle. Good for two reasons: 1) the wedding was outside and a unity candle would probably have been blown out--I don't know what that would have said about the future! and 2) they got engaged on the beach, so it was very personalized to their own story.

Two days before the wedding I was telling J and her mom that you have to try not to freak out about the things that go wrong. Everyone wears a dress, says vows, takes pictures, eats cake, does a first dance, etc. Your special stories that make your wedding unique--the things you'll remember and laugh about and tell your grandchildren 50 years from now, are generally the things that go wrong. . .they both just about hyperventilated as I was talking.

So, fast forward to the day of the wedding. C. (mother of the bride) and my dad switch cars so that she can have the one with more room to transport stuff. She takes his golf shoes out of the back of his car and is quite annoyed that he didn't get that stuff out ahead of time so she'd have more room. A couple of hours later they meet up. He says "Where are my tux shoes?" She says "Huh? I don't have your clothes." He says "They were in the back of the car with my tux." Hmmm. . .maybe the golf shoes were actually the tux shoes?? She says "I think they are in the floor of the garage."

No problem. . .we have a good hour before the ceremony starts. C's friend Sheila gets in the car and speeds toward the house. I decide that even though J doesn't want to put on her dress yet, I want to get it out of the bag so I can fluff the petticoat and get it ready. I ask where it is, and J says it is in one of the David's Bridal bags. No. . .it isn't. Those are the bridesmaids dresses. . .who was supposed to get the dress??!!?? It is hanging in C's closet!!! Does J freak out? Only a little! Her mother bursts into hysterical, uncontrollable laughter--probably because her brain has to do that or cry or just plain explode!

No problem. . .Sheila is already on the way to the house! She'll just get the dress too! See how things work out? Good thing the shoes were missing, because that gave Sheila a 20 minute headstart on picking up the dress!! J just kept saying "This is one of my stories, right? The ones that make my wedding different?" Right. My most used saying of the day? "It is fine. It is already taken care of." Total lie in most of the cases, but we got it taken care of before anyone knew better!

Here is a picture of my beautiful 10 year old sister who keeps insisting that she is in fact 26 1/2, and totally a grown up:

What else has happened?

I ran in my first race. It was only a 5K, so not a big deal to most people, but I haven't run competetively since I was a kid. I guess I shouldn't say "competetive" because they didn't adjust the start times, and I wasn't in it to win. . .but it was a timed event with a finish line. I officially came in 11th for my age group, but I didn't get to start for about 45 seconds after the real start time. Next time I'll know to start at the front so I get a more accurate time! I did get a pretty cool Tshirt.

S. ran with me, and I had made him promise for DAYS that he wouldn't go off and leave me. About 100 meters into it, I could tell he was going nuts. I told him to go on, that I would be fine. And I was! I actually had quite a nice talk with myself about not always needing someone around to accomplish something. I am perfectly capable of finishing a race by myself and being alone for a while.

Toward the end, I wanted to walk for a while. I was running a LOT faster than I usually do, so I was kind of tired, but I think I was actually just accustomed to walking--it wasn't that I actually needed to. Because, just as I decided to start to walk, a Marine unit in formation came up along side me. They were calling cadence and had their guidon in front. Well, how can you quit running when that is right next to you? I told myself not to be such a wimp! These guys are running and singing (yelling) and they kept taking turns grabbing the guidon and sprinting around the formation. I decided that as long as I didn't let the WHOLE formation get past me, I would be ok. So, I turned off my Ipod and ran to their cadence. I stayed with the front frow the whole time and finished at a personal record! I ran 9 minute miles. Not a great time, but better than normal (although I am usually pushing 110 pounds worth of kids and stroller. . .)

I did learn why it is good to train for an even though! You definitely work harder during your workouts when you know you have something to get ready for! I only decided to run about a week before the race, so I only had 4 days of workouts, but I ran a lot harder in those than I had been before that--and I hadn't even realized that I wasn't work as hard as I could!

Next event. . .

The boys finished up the soccer season. Sadly, R. never did score a goal. I was really praying for that, but he seems fine with it. He and J are going to play in the spring on base and they can be on the same team. This time it will be a 3-5 year old league, so R will be one of the oldest. I hope that will give him some time to shine!

N. finished the season as truly one of the most amazing goalies ever. As I'm typing this, I feel like I have posted it before, so if that's the case--sorry. Anyway--his coach talked about him at the team party and said "I have been watching soccer since I was a little kid and I have NEVER seen someone play this position at this age with the skill and talent that N has." I, of course, already knew he was amazing, but I thought it was because I was his misguided, biased mother. Turns out, he actually is good. Coaches of other teams were even telling us how great he was. Everyone was talking about him playing up a league next year and going to the competitive league, but S and I have definitely decided against that for now. We want him playing a variety of sports because you learn different physical skills and different life lessons in different sports. There will come a time when he'll have to "specialize" but for now. . .he plays everything. In fact, basketball practices started 2 weeks ago!

What's next?

For Thanksgiving, we went to Fresno to visit the sisters' families. My mom and G met us there, so it was almost a complete family reunion. My brother and his family weren't able to make it. We planned to take a picture of all the kids and photoshop their kids into it. . .but we weren't able to corral all the kids at one time to do that. . .maybe individual shots and photoshop those. . .

We really had a good time. It was so fun to watch the kids play together, and to get to hang out and talk to the grown ups! We also went to Yosemite which was beautiful! I can't wait to go back in the spring when the waterfalls are running fast and we have more daylight to be able to hike through the giant sequoias. They are just amazing to me. It was too dark by the time we got to them to get any good photos--but I will next time we're there!

The kids did a couple of cooking projects with the grandparents. The little ones lost interest pretty quick, but N and K hung in there. They made fudge and helped with cheese logs with Oma. Then a couple of days later they made cupcakes in ice cream cones with Opa. They loved that!

We had Thanksgiving dinner at J's (different J than the wedding story above!) house. They haven't lived there long, so we hadn't seen the house before. It is really pretty and they had big tables for everyone to be able to sit together. We did manage to set the timers on the cameras and get a few shots of everyone in front of the fireplace!

We had dessert at B's in laws house. They are really fun and S always enjoys talking to Bob (B's father in law.) They went to the same military school (42 years apart!) and have a great time talking about the "traditions" (read HAZING!) that are still the same! I'm going to send the photo to the alumni magazine!B and I got up at 3:30 the day after Thanksgiving and went shopping. We got some amazing deals and we totally filled up her SUV--not even thinking about the fact that I would then have to get everything in my van, with my kids, and get it home. Not to worry, though, my husband--the packing genius--made it happen with almost no effort. He's awesome.

I finished almost all of the Xmas shopping that day, so I've only had to hunt for a few things since then. I completed all of the shopping Sunday when I got that one last gift!!

We took family pictures at the beach for the Christmas cards. . .I got a lot of good ones of the kids--

The one that makes me misty eyed:

The one that makes me proud of their friendship with each other (when they aren't trying to kill each other!) See all the rocks at the same time??

The one we used for the card: (aren't they beautiful--and big!)

And the one of all of us:

I'm sure there are a million more things to write about, and hopefully I'll do that as I think of them, but for now, I have only one more interesting (sort of) thing to say. About a week ago, I took a test to be certified as a personal trainer. I'm sure that some of you don't think that is a big deal, or it might seem kind of flighty, but it was quite a challenge for me.

For one thing, I haven't been tested on ANYTHING since May of 1996. And, I'm not even sure I had to take any finals then. . .it may have been as long as December of 1995!! So, that made me nervous.

Secondly, I was the oldest in my class--by a lot. There were only 3 of us, but that just made the differences more obvious. Also, they both had more experience than me. One of them is getting a degree in sports medicine, and is currently an intern as the assistant trainer for the football team at her college. The other girl is a kickboxing instructor, and has already completed the certification for group exercise instruction.

What they did NOT have was the experience of having spent 2 years on Weight Watchers and 2 years working out with a trainer. So, a lot of the information was stuff that I have absorbed over the last 2 years as I've incorporated it into my life.

The technical anatomy stuff was quite a challenge. I never figured I'd need to learn that stuff--names of muscles, joint actions, cardiopulmonary systems, rish factors for cardiopulmonary disease etc. Why should I learn it? I have parents who are a nurse, a nurse practitioner, and a trained coach. I have a best friend who is a physical therapist, her husband who is a PA, and my own husband who is a soldier. Why would I need to learn that stuff when I have all the resources to just ask when I have a question??!!

Anyway--I did learn it. I could rattle it all off to you right now! That's not to say I learned all the stuff they know. The first thing they talk about in the class is to know your limitations and know when to refer someone to a medical professional. But, I know enough to know that there's a whole LOT involved to working out!

So, I know I did well on the written test. I took it twice and compared my answers. Even if I missed all of the ones that I wasn't certain on, I still made an 88 or so. But, I came home and looked up the ones I could remember, and I know I got at least 6 of those right, so I did ok. The practical part, I'm not sure of.

The grader said that she would stop you when you had covered everything that you needed to. While I was teaching my "client" I asked her to do 2 more reps. As she started the second, the grader said to move on to the stretches. I'm not sure if she stopped me because I had covered everything, or because I had painted myself into a corner by saying to do 2 more.

After that, she said to two progressional more difficult exercises for the opposing muscle group. That would be hamstrings. I did hamstring curl machine first. Obviously, that is correct. But, I woke up in the middle of the night and thought that the second exercise I did was for gluts--not hamstrings!! CRAP!

I went to my gym and talked to the manager (the one who encouraged me to do this in the first place!) and she assured me that it WAS a hamstring exercise, because they are worked isometrically. Great. She also said that I didn't mess up with the first thing, because all the time you hear trainers say "Do 2 more." and they do 2 and then the trainer says "Do 2 more." So she is certain that the grader stopped me because I had covered everything.

She also said that it has always been her experience that if you failed the practical part, they told you right then. So. . .if she's right, I probably passed. You have to get a 90% on the practical. We'll see in about 4 to 6 weeks. Which really sucks--she's sitting RIGHT THERE! She knows my score as soon as I finish, so why couldn't she just TELL me?

Who knows. But, I did hear her telling another girl that she should go and retake the practical as soon as possible. So, she must have failed.

The gym said they would hire me as soon as I get the certification. That would be great experience, and then hopefully the next place we live will be hiring trainers on post! While we are here, it would be good money--if I can just get some clients. Doing group training, it would be about $64 and hour, and I wouldn't have to pay for child care! Keep your fingers crossed!!

So--I'm done for now. Off to help with N's class walking field trip to Christmas Card Lane. I'll have to post about that soon. One of my favorite parts of living in this neighborhood!

6 Year Old Project

I haven't done many projects lately (unless you count "soccer mom" stuff) but this one is something I really like. It is pretty simple, but it took me 6 years to do. . .waiting for each of the kids to be exactly the same age! They are all just past their second birthdays in these photos. I made it for the breakfast room. It is actually in a frame, you just can't see the sides of it in the photo. I realized after I took the photo that the first two lines were backwards, so I took them off and fixed them, but I didn't take a new picture. Sorry!

November 13th

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of the death of S's friend, Sean. It is amazing how many emotions can be wrapped up in one thing. Guilt, sadness, fear, anger, and on and on.

The feelings he has about all of this are not something S can share with me. He had to go tell Sean's wife. He still carries that guilt. He hated it. The fact that he could never be a comfort to her as someone who was friends with Sean, because he would always be the face at the door. Not just that he had to tell her, but the whole story behind the lead up to the deployment as well. That day, after he told her, when he came home, he left right away. He went to talk to some other friends. He stayed there the whole evening. It was like he could not look at me. It was a comfort to them, that he was there--their husbands were still deployed, and they were scared and sad. But, I still felt left out--and guilty. The guilt is still the biggest thing.

S. still can't include me in this part of himself. Even at church--on Memorial Day and the Sunday closest to the anniversary of Sean's death, he won't hold my hand, and he pulls away when I try to hold his. I guess I'm not much of a comfort. The fact that I exist, the kids exist, he still exists--it all creates a lot of guilt. I don't know if it would have been different if the command slate hadn't changed. Or if S didn't have to go tell her. All I know is that we both still feel terribly guilty, and we can't help each other with it. We don't even discuss it.

S. has his own little "ritual" that he does to honor Sean on the 13th of November every year. He doesn't include me in it. He waits until I go to bed. It is no big elaborate thing. But, it reminds me of the lyrics in a country song:

"he remembers the fallen,
as he orders a tall one--
and swallows it down with his tears."

November 13th of every year--A Guinness For Sean:

In Honor of Veterans' Day

So, on Memorial Day it was really important to me that people acknowledge the sobriety of the meaning of the day. I think I ranted and raved for 2 or 3 days about boycotting all businesses that said "Happy Memorial Day" in their ads.

For Veterans' Day, I have kind of a different attitude. I think it is basically just supposed to be a day to honor those who have served and are serving. That's kind of vague--especially as a family member. Other people spend the day coming up to the soldiers and saying "Thanks"--which is great. But as the wife, I'm not going to spend all day telling S. "Thanks." Come on! Who needs that kind of bigheadedness around the house? (Just kidding!)

Anyway--I treat it as a day to celebrate the differences between a soldier and a civilian. There are lots of the typical things like willingness to die for your country, noble sacrifice, etc. But here's the important thing to me--it is very sexy! Especially infantrymen (sorry--I know all my army wife friends aren't married to infantrymen. . .I'm sure that to you your branch is better!)



So. . .I just think the macho kick ass attitude that they have is very appealing (sometimes it is a pain in the ass, but. . .you know.) Every time I hear a story of a soldier who has been injured. . .the story always ends with "How soon can I get back over there?" It amazes me. The "warrior spirit." I think that is probably the "thing" they have that the rest of us don't. We all have bravery at some point, we have patriotism, we have attachment to our friends, so it is hard to define why THEIR bravery is greater, their patriotism deeper, their attachment to friends closer. I haven't ever been able to put words to it, but I think that's it. The Warrior Spirit.

Here is my example for the week: (by the way--the guy isn't infantry--he is EOD!!!) And it is true. You can check it on snopes.

Leading the fight is Gunnery Sgt. Michael Burghardt, known as "Iron Mike" or just "Gunny". He is on his third tour in Iraq. He had become a legend in the bomb disposal world after winning the Bronze Star for disabling 64 IEDs and destroying 1,548 pieces of ordnance during his second tour. Then, on September 19, he got blown up.

He had arrived at a chaotic scene after a bomb had killed four US soldiers. He chose not to wear the bulky bomb protection suit. "You can't react to any sniper fire and you get tunnel-vision," he explains. So, protected by just a helmet and standard-issue flak jacket, he began what bomb disposal officers term "the longest walk", stepping gingerly into a 5ft deep and 8ft wide crater.

The earth shifted slightly and he saw a Senao base station with a wire leading from it. He cut the wire and used his 7inch knife to probe the ground. "I found a piece of red detonating cord between my legs," he says. "That's when I knew I was screwed." Realizing he had been sucked into a trap, Sgt Burghardt, 35, yelled at everyone to stay back. At that moment, an insurgent, probably watching through binoculars, pressed a button on his mobile phone to detonate the secondary device below the sergeant's feet.

"A chill went up the back of my neck and then the bomb exploded," he recalls. "As I was in the air I remember thinking, 'I don't believe they got me.' I was just ticked off they were able to do it. Then I was lying on the road, not able to feel anything from the waist down." His colleagues cut off his trousers to see how badly he was hurt. No one could believe his legs were still there. "My dad is aVietnam vet who's paralyzed from the waist down," says Sgt Burghardt. "I was lying there thinking I didn't want to be in a wheelchair next to my dad and for him to see me like that. They started to cut away my pants and I felt a real sharp pain and blood trickling down. Then I wiggled my toes and I thought, 'Good, I'm in business.' "

As a stretcher was brought over, adrenaline and anger kicked in. "I decided to walk to the helicopter. I wasn't going to let my teammates see me being carried away on a stretcher." He stood and gave the insurgents who had blown him up a one-fingered salute. "I flipped them one. It was like, 'OK, I lost that round but I'll be back next week!"

Copies of a photograph depicting his defiance, taken by Jeff Bundy for the Omaha World-Herald, adorn the walls of homes across America and that of Col John Gronski, the brigade commander in Ramadi, who has hailed the image as an exemplar of the warrior spirit. Sgt Burghardt's injuries - burns and wounds to his legs and buttocks - kept him off duty for nearly a month and could have earned him a ticket home. But, like his father - who was awarded a Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts for being wounded in action in Vietnam - he stayed in Ramadi to engage in the battle against insurgents who are forever coming up with more ingenious ways of killing Americans.

Random Fire Related Pictures

Here is a picture of the kids in their masks that they still have to wear if they are outside for a long period of time. They got very good at sitting still so we could tie them, but we still got elastic strap ones for restocking the emergency box!This is the stuff we donated to the "free store" for the fire victims:This is the sky 1 week after the fires. You can still see the line between the smoke and the clear sky. I didn't get any when the sky was really black. L got some. . .I will get her to send them to me so I can post them.

Halloween Costumes

The kids were a big hit at the halloween parade at school today. N. was a little nervous when we got to school, because he didn't have a"typical" costume like other kids would be wearing. But, as we walked across the blacktop and kids started going "Whoa! Look at that! That is so AWESOME!" he got really excited about it! And of course, R and J are always so cute!!

They let the preschoolers participate, so when we got there, J. said "I'm gonna be a parade too." I figured it was fine. He was in costume and he had a mask on so no one could tell he wasn't a preschooler! R. held his hand and they were SO good the whole time! It was really fun too.

N's class N's class did a "performance" that was a little rusty, since they didn't get to practice very much. (Being out of school for a whole week messed up a lot of plans!) It was cute though. They really had a good time bowing!R's class had a sort of "party" too. They decorated cookies and stuff like that! They were thrilled to be in the "big kids" parade!

J. and I came home and got ready for N's class party and then went back to the school. We had so much stuff with us that we had to take the wagon!! The crazy stuff I did for the food for the party went over pretty well, and the party was a lot of fun. I made witch's brooms out of pretzels and string cheese, pumpkins out of rice crispies treats and gumdrops and they had apples and caramel dip. I also got "aqua pod" water bottles, took of the label and drew jack o lantern faces. Then, I painted the tops green. Yesterday, I poured the water into a pitcher and made orange juice (I had to add food coloring because orange juice is actually pretty yellow!) it made pretty cool jack o lanterns!We went to the C family's house for pizza and trick or treating, and then came home. It was a really good day!S. is a VERY good pumpkin carver! He lets each kid pick out a template, and they look forward to carving them for weeks! This is what they did this year:

N's

J's
R's

Mommy & Daddy's

These are pics from R's class trip to the pumpkin patch a few weeks ago!

Our Lists

So, I have worked out my lists of what to have in the emergency box, what to get out of the house if we have to leave, and what to do in and to the house before we go. Keep in mind that the emergency box is not only for evacuation. It is also for if there is an emergency and you are in your house without power or water or whatever.

Now, you may read this and think--"Come on. That's a little extreme." Or, "Oh please. She is going way overboard." And here is what I have to say to you "HEY!! Who was just evacuated, me or you? Don't give me any crap Mister! (or Missy!) I know what I took, what I needed when I got there, and what I forgot. . .so THERE!"

Don't argue with me, man. You don't have to put all this stuff in your box. You can just put some saltines and a sleeping bag if you want to--but guess what--if the time comes to evacuate, you're gonna HOPE you're staying in the same shelter as me!

Seriously though, you might have to add to yours. Pet stuff, prescription meds, contact solution, etc. Imagine if you were going on a vacation, and pack like that. Then add everything you would take if the vacation was to an uninhabited island (no power or water) and that you wouldn't be coming back (don't forget Grandma's pearls!!)

You'll notice that this list is in a wacky order. Again I say "Back off picky! I just got freakin' evacuated! Give me a break!" Just kidding! Really it is because I wrote out my inventory as I put things in the box (to be sure I actually HAD them and wasn't just planning them and then they get stolen by the hurricane boy before I got them into the box!)

Here we go:
Emergency kit:
make a list of everything that you put in the box and keep it either on top or on the outside of the box. That way, you don't freak out and start digging through it "just to be sure" you have whatever. Also, list the experation dates of the meds, and check it yearly to replace.
Paper plates and bowls (preferably microwaveable)
paper towels
handi wipe reusable dish cloths
Plastic forks, knives, spoons
foil pans (cookie sheet and 9x13 baking pan)
3 large lawn and leaf trash bags
ziploc bags (gallon, quart, and snack)
twist ties
5-10 plastic grocery bags
mesh laundry bag
rubber bands
masks (air filter kind) preferably with elastic--the tie ones make kids crazy
goggles (swim ones work well for kids, since they don't cover their noses)
baby wipes
kleenex
toilet paper
antibacterial wipes
hand sanitizer
sewing kits (w/ non waxed dental floss--it is stronger than thread)
insect repellant w/sunscreen
chem lights
swiss army knife
cigarette lighter (just in case the emergency is so bad you decide to take up smoking! ha ha!)
feminine hygeine supplies
super glue
manual can opener
first years disposable sippy cups (you can use the cups without lids for grown ups)
crayons/notepads/coloring books
beach balls (they're smaller and quieter than soccer balls!)
list of emergency phone numbers (family/friends in area and out of area)
list of information phone numbers, TV stations, radio stations for local area
hand crank radio (so you don't need batteries)
crank or shake flashlights
2 way radios
batteries for 2 way radios
ponchos
poncho liners, sleeping bags, or blankets
local/state maps
inflatable sleep mattresses
pump
camping pillows
personal hygiene stuff: cleanser towelettes (they have soap in them and you just get them wet); baby wash towlettes; shampoo/conditioner; toothbrushes; toothpaste; ponytail holders/hair clips; shaving cream/razors; lotion; deodorant; brush/comb; tweezers; nail clippers
medical kit: kid and adult versions of everything: ibuprofen; acetominophen; benadryl; sudafed; neosporin; eye drops; saline nasal drops; pepto (chewable tablets can be for kids and adults); immodium
digital photos of all electronics, paintings, furniture and other "high dollar items"
list of serial numbers/make/model of electronics

Things to get out of the house:
copy computer hard drive to external hard drive and take it (or laptop)
proof of address (insurance card, mail you've recieved, etc.) you might need it to get back into area
blankie/stuffed animal for each kid
documents--birth certificates, passports, powers of attorney, wills, etc.
year end summary of investments
medical records/shot records
scrapbooks
baby books
wedding album
photo boxes
kids memory boxes
address/phone book
digital camera
stroller
3 sets of clothes for each person--plus a set for the opposite weather
jacket
closed toe shoes and socks
jewelry
uniform
cell phones and chargers
portable dvd player + dvds
food: granola bars, dry cereal, peanut butter, bread, crackers, canned soup, honey, milk (if you can take a cooler) water
diapers
tool kit
toys for inside (puzzles; legos; cars; whatever the girl versions of these are. . .)

Things to do before you leave the house:
close all windows and turn off lights
unplug anything you can
try to find out if the utility companies want you to turn off water or gas before you do it
take digital photos of things you are leaving--including wide shots of each room
put a towel on the floor inside each door
turn on sprinklers (I guess this is just for wildfires, but you understand that I must include it, right?)

So, I'm sure you now think that I am a completely paranoid freak or that I totally have PTSD--but, if the day comes. . .you'll wish you had at least copied down the lists, even if you didn't actually get the box together!!

Today

This evening I went to an information meeting about the Billy Graham Disaster Response Organization. They are setting up a headquarters at our church, and recruiting volunteers. One part of their organization is "Samaritan's Purse." (You may have heard of them through Operation Christmas Child--shoeboxes of Christmas gifts.) Anyway--they are the "hammer and nails" portion. The other part is the Chaplains and Ministry Assistants. That's what tonight's meeting was about.

As my mother anticipated, all of the "trauma response training" was stuff I have either taken classes on, or experienced--or both. So, that part wasn't that informative to me. The rest was an orientation to their organization. I'm not sure it is really practical for me to volunteer for them right now (on a national basis--I am working for them here locally during fire recovery) since I still have little kids and it would be almost impossible for me to "deploy" to a disaster area for a week or two at a time. But, I got a lot of information about crisis response training that I might start looking into. It can only be helpful in the army life, right? Most of the information seems to be stuff I already have taken classes on, but it might be good to get the credentials. . .we'll see. . .

Now, on to the majority of my day. I finally felt comfortable to unpack all the stuff that we took with us during the evacuation. I also needed to restock the emergency box. I also had a ton of party decoration stuff in my kitchen because the Friday and Saturday before the fires, we had a surprise birthday party for my friend, and my neighbor had a sweet 16 party for her daughter. In addition to that, we had all the laundry, school stuff, etc that needed to be put away from the week before we left. AND--I am the room mom for N's class, so I have a bunch of Halloween party stuff everywhere, getting ready for the party on Wednesday. Plus, I have 18 picture frames to finish for the end of season awards for the kids soccer teams. So--I really really needed to get my house cleaned up. (I also haven't cleaned in about 2 weeks). So, we got home from the gym and I started working on it. Here's my observation:

Did you know that you can actually go BACKWARDS in cleaning your house?? It is truly possible. Particularly when you have a 2 1/2 year old hurricane child living in your house. The little boys had already eaten lunch, so I thought that the potential for messes was minimized. In fact, I thought that they might lay down and take a nap. Who was I kidding?? I took a basket of laundry upstairs and put it away. I came out of my bedroom to find hundreds of tiny pieces of Starburst wrappers--along with parts of the candies--all up and down the stairs. Apparently, some of the flavors don't interest J. much.

I gathered a bunch of miscellaneous shoes from around the house and hung them on the rack in the closet downstairs. Midway through J yells from upstairs "Mommy! I spilled the goldfish!" (Crackers--not aquarium). Ok--WHY are the goldfish upstairs? HOW did you spill them? They are in a container with a top with a TINY opening that only allows one fish out at a time--specifically for this PURPOSE! I threatened to eliminate all snack food from the entire house if he didn't pick up the stinkin' goldfish.

He came back a few minutes later, "Mommy! There are crumbs of goldfish everywhere." No kidding?? I can't imagine. So, underneath my desk (at which I am currently sitting) there are about 100 crushed goldfish ground into the carpet! He did, however, pick up the whole ones. He put them in the container and left it under the desk. Of course, I didn't know that until I kicked it over when I sat down here to write this!

The pillows on my couch are NEVER on my couch. They are always on the floor or being thrown from one child to (or at) another. Books. . .they are all over the floor too. They are slick, and when they are on tile and you step on them. . .you WILL do the splits.

I made the bed. J jumped on it until all the pillows AND the quilt bounced off. I put away everything on the bathroom cabinet--he took out all the brushes and hairdryers and drug them all over the upstairs. I finished N's halloween costume--J wadded up tons of newspaper and threw it all over the house and tried to attack R with the staple gun.

So, I spent about 5 1/2 hours cleaning up my house today. I never got to vaccuum the ridiculous crumbs and the kitchen floor is disgusting and there are still party supplies all over. I could have probably finished all of it in about 2 hours if I could just find a good boarding school that doesn't require students to be potty trained!!!

Amazing Community

I know it will eventually fall off, but right now, there are more volunteers than there are spots! All of the "official" organizations--Red Cross, Humane Society, etc. have all of the supplies they need and all of the volunteers they need. This is with more than 2000 homes burned! As time goes by, I am sure that they will start needing more. . .but it is heartwarming to hear that. Of course, they are still asking people to put their names in the volunteer database! They can always use more names!

Tomorrow our area is hosting a "free store" for families affected by the fires. (In our school district, reported so far, 20 staff members and 350 students have lost their homes.) We spent all day today going through clothes, sheets, and kitchen stuff. We ended up with about 15 large lawn and leaf bags full of stuff. It made me feel really bad. I can't believe that we had that much stuff that we could so easily give away. But, most of it was kids clothes, and since we have 3 boys--we keep everything for hand me downs. Today we went through every size of clothes and anything that we had several of, we sent some to the donation area. It was good to help, I guess. Still feel kinda bad about it.

I am going to go work at the store tomorrow. I am thinking of volunteering for Rebuilding Together San Diego. It is a year round organization that rebuilds people's homes. I'm not sure what I can do, but I am good at projects. I can always paint walls or dig holes for flowers!

The irritation and frustration and impatience is starting to surface, as many people are returning home, and a few must still be out. They don't have power restored, or they have no water, but the residents just want to go home. It is natural, I just hope that the media doesn't seize on that. There are so very many good angles to this story. . .

Interesting Fact

This is the largest evacuation since the Civil War. And the Civil War evacuation was over several battlefronts over a period of 4 years. Crazy, huh?

Well, not really. I have been telling my neighbors and friends since we moved here that everywhere we have been stationed has had a record breaking weather related emergency while we were there. Everyone laughs, but is it any wonder that I'm prepared?

North Carolina--record breaking ice on ground. More than 6 inches AT THE AIRPORT!
Missouri--record breaking snowfall in one day (16 inches in 12 hours)
lowest temperatures on record
Europe--record breaking floods
highest temperatures on record
coldest winter on record
Now here--driest conditions in 130 years, largest spread fires

Seriously man--when I say get ready--I mean it! (No one is ever going to want to rent to us again!)

Our Family through the Fire

For "evacuees," we really had the best situation possible. Not only did we have a hotel room instead of a sleeping bag in a gym, our hotel room opened into a sitting area, and we shared it with our friend and her kids. We also had a community kitchen on our floor--and it was next to our room! We were on a military base so we had immediate access to the medical clinic (I'm still sick) the commissary, the exchange, etc. That made it a lot easier to pack, because I didn't bother with too many clothes or toiletries or food. We just went over and got what we needed.

The bowling alley let us bowl for free. The movie theater usually shows one movie each day at 6:30. They moved the grown up movies to 8:30 and showed kid movies all day, for free. The gym had supplies for us like laundry soap, razors, shower gel, baby wash, masks, etc. The laundry facilities were free. I am ashamed to even say we were "evacuated." It is almost like we just went out of town for a few days!

The 6 kids all got very attached to each other quickly. They got used to having 3 parents too (B's husband is deployed--only a few more weeks!!) At one point, her daughter was walking from the car to the hotel room. B said "Wait just a second." She was getting the baby out of the car. H waited for her, but as I walked up from my car, she just went along with me. Assuming that one parent is as good as another!

The kids played well together and for the most part, were really really good. They were kids, of course, so it was hard to get them to be quiet in the hotel room, but overall--really good. We went bowling the first two days, so the third day, as soon as they woke up, they asked "Can we go bowling now?" They didn't want to wait around the hotel room while we watched the news!! We ended up going to Chik Fila and Chuck E Cheese instead, but as we were packing the car to come home, they asked if we could go bowling one more time before we went home!

They got kind of sick of us. For one thing, my kids are not used to being inside. They never play inside. So, that was making them nuts. And, they aren't used to having us right on top of them. They usually play outside all day, with me sitting in the driveway making sure they don't get run over or kidnapped. I don't really interfere with their games, and they don't really pay attention to the fact that I am there. So, it made them crazy to have us constantly saying "Don't do that. Come over here. Be quiet." They were pretty proud of the fact that they had come up with all kinds of games and things to do. They would have been happier if we had just gone in the bedroom and left them alone! (We pretty much felt the same, by the way!!)

It was very strange as we followed B to her house. The kids and I felt sad saying goodbye! We have never lived in the same house with them before, but all of a sudden, we didn't want to be apart from them. Maybe it was because the fires still aren't totally out, but for some reason, it feels like we should stick together! I guess it is probably just my inability to say goodbye!! I seem to be feeding it to my kids, even though I try really hard not to!

The air quality here is still stinky, but not too bad. There is no ash in the air, and the smoke doesn't hurt your eyes or lungs. We will still probably wear masks outside the house for a while. We were under orders to do that on the base, and we are a lot closer to the fires up here. You know that you are a wildfire evacuee when your 2 year old stands perfectly still to have his mask tied on his face! The first time or two that we put J's mask on him, he fidgeted and fussed, which we expected. But, he quickly figured out that if he put it on, he got to go outside, so he got good at it pretty quickly. When we got home, I opened the door to the van, and the kids got a whiff of the air. Someone said "Mommy, where's my mask? It stinks here!"

Most of our neighbors are home. One family is still gone. They had a tremendous trauma last summer, with their trip to Lebanon and the mom really had trouble when they got back. . .She was taking care of 3 little kids and a handicapped mother in law through all of it--you can imagine that her Post Traumatic Stress was pretty bad. They all went through it--but she was responsible for everyone. . .you know--the mom!! Anyway--the dad does not want them to have ANY awareness of the trouble for now. He doesn't want them hearing the sirens, smelling the smoke, or watching the news. He took them far away to a resort on the beach. School is out anyway, so they are just using it as a vacation. I think it is smart!

Some of our neighbors came back early, before the evacuation order was lifted. I think that was a bad choice. For one thing, the air quality is bad. Not only can it make you sick now, the long term effects are bad. Your lungs can only recover so much when they've been affected. Especially small children.

Secondly, if something were to have happened, and the firefighters had to come BACK to get them out--it puts the firefighters in danger and takes them away from the fire that they should have been fighting. It might LOOK like the fire isn't close, but if there wasn't a chance it would come this way--they wouldn't still have us evacuated.

Third, if they need to drop water or flame retardant--they won't do it if there are people in the area. So, a smaller fire would not be able to be put out as quickly, and it would grow. All of those things make it seem ridiculous to me that someone would stay.

Also, if you are under evacuation order, they are not going to REevacuate. So, if the fire heads this way, no one is going to warn you. They are assuming you are out, BECAUSE THEY ALREADY TOLD YOU TO LEAVE!

Finally, it is a rule. If the fire dept says evacuate--you are supposed to. I do not like when people decide that rules don't apply to them. Parking in the fire lane to pick up their kid at school, not making their kid do homework, and STAYING in the neighborhood when you've been TOLD to EVACUATE.

Anyway. . .

I thought that I was fine. I got everything out that I had to have and most of the stuff that I wanted to have. We didn't have to rush out, and we had a good place to stay. We told the kids that we were leaving because I was sick and the smoke was making it harder for me to breathe, so we were going somewhere that I could breathe better. So, they weren't freaked out. I didn't freak out. We were fine in the hotel, and not really getting on each other's nerves too bad. So, I'm not really sure why I had a little mini meltdown last night after we got home.

I was sad leaving B. The whole drive home, I was looking for the smoke, flames, burned areas, etc. I kept having this overwhelming feeling of wanting to call everyone who means anything to me and say "Just wanted to call and say you mean so much to me!" Then, we got home and I started listening to the answering machine. It was mostly me, since I figured that if I called the house and the answering machine answered, that the house was still standing and the power was still on. But, there were a few friends with worry in their voices. . .heard C.'s and then S.Mc's and had to delete them as soon as they said their names. Instantly I was crying. S asked me if I even wanted to hear what they said. I said no because I already talked to them and now it would make me cry.

I swallowed those tears and was fine again, and went to call to check in with my brother. My sister in law said hello and I had to give the phone to S because I started sobbing! Ridiculous! I think I was just giving up on the "everything is fine" facade, since I didn't have to pretend anymore! Kind of like when your kid gets hurt, and you are totally in control and fine until you give them over to your husband or a doctor or whatever--then you melt down. Or, you stay in control until the doctor comes and tells you that everything is ok. Then you sob. It was like that. I was ok after about 30 seconds. . .but it made me realize that I probably need to rest some today. Writing all of this down helps! If you're reading this, I hope you know that I meant you when I said I was thinking of everyone who meant something to me!

The only thing that worries me now is that I am supposed to go to my sister's wedding next week. I'm not sure I can leave. I'm glad it is not this week, because I have some time to get it together, but I don't know if I can do it that soon either. S. went in to the office today, and even though he said he'd come home by 10:30, I'm still scared about it. I want us all together all the time. I won't tell them all that, because there is no need to freak out the kids. . .but I would really just rather have all my chicks (and the rooster) in my nest and keep them here. Is that a form of PTSD? Who knows. . .I will be better when I am doing something for someone else.

I will take today to rest, but then I must find a way to help. I don't think they need more donations at the evac shelters, and I can't volunteer there with all the kids. I am thinking that I can do something for the firefighters. My friend's friend's husband is a firefighter from Arizona that is here working. I'm thinking that if I can get in touch with him, I could offer him and his unit a place to sleep and eat. Since they are far from home, they don't have a station to go back to to rest. Maybe they'll all come here, or I can take them food. They can either sleep all in my house or I'll go to all my neighbors and make them open up their guestrooms. . .I don't know if you know this about me, but I can be a little bossy. ;) If not, I'll go to the fire station down the street and ask what I can do. If you have ideas of what I could do--let me know!

Everyone I've talked to has said "I wouldn't even know what to take if I had to evacuate." Well, due to my obnoxious obsession with organization, as well as my morbidity--we were pretty well prepared. But, we definitely thought of things that could have been better. (You know you are a military family when the WIFE gets to the hotel room and says "OK--let's AAR this.") AAR is After Action Review. It just seemed appropriate. . .

Anyway--I have three lists now. . .things to keep in the emergency box, things to take out of the house, and things to do before leaving the house. I'll post them sometime if anyone is interested. One important point that I bet you didn't know. . .when you've been evacuated and you're going back--you have to have proof of address. This is to prevent looters and stop people from going back to areas that are still closed. Guess what? If you are a military person--your driver's license probably doesn't have your current address on it! You can bring some mail addressed to you or something. We had our insurance cards in our car. . .

Well, I need to get started on the day. Time to go fix breakfast! Hope to hear from you all soon!

Home Again

Yesterday at about 3:30, they lifted the evacuation for our area. We waited around a while to watch the news. I was concerned that if the active burns were still near our house, the shifting winds could bring the fires back on us. I was also afraid that the air quality would still be too bad to be healthy. After a while, an updated map was put on the air, and we felt comfortable coming home.

We got here at about 6:15 last night. Our neighborhood is fine. We (so far) never even lost power. There are people who lost everything--and we didn't even have a gallon of milk spoil. I am having some guilt over that. When they had the Scripps Ranch fires here (4 years ago--TODAY) over 2200 homes burned. And yet, there were some neighborhoods where al thehouses would burn to the ground--and one would be left untouched. Apparently, some of those people had a really hard time dealing with the guilt and loneliness caused by being the only ones to not be burned out. I can only imagine how they felt, because I feel so guilty and my neighbors are all ok!!

The city and county (and state and federal) agencies have done an amazing job. The organization of the evacuations, the shelters, the response plans, everything is so well done. I am furious with the lieutenant governor who said on national TV that the reason the fires weren't out the first night is because the California National Guard is deployed. The DAY BEFORE HE SAID THAT the commander of the National Guard gave a press conference and gave the true numbers. California has 20,000 national guard troops. 3,000 of them are deployed. That leaves 17,000. Additionally, when they planned the deployments, they knew it would be fire season, so they didn't deploy the firefighters.

The fires weren't out the first night because the air assets couldn't be used because of the winds. No one's planes or helicopters could fly. Not the city, not the county, not the military, not NASA. I suppose God could have flown a plane, but at this time in history, God personally doesn't generally use industrial technology.

I wish people would educate themselves before making moronic statements. Apparently, people don't understand that the military can't just "step in." They (the national guard) have to be mobilized by the governor and the active duty troops have to be requested. It's called posse comitatus. Here's Wikipedia's explanation:

The Posse Comitatus Act is a United States federal law (18 U.S.C. § 1385) passed on June 16, 1878 after the end of Reconstruction. The Act was intended to prohibit Federal troops from supervising elections in former Confederate states. It generally prohibits Federal military personnel and units of the United States National Guard under Federal authority from acting in a law enforcement capacity within the United States, except where expressly authorized by the Constitution or Congress. The Posse Comitatus Act and the Insurrection Act substantially limit the powers of the Federal government to use the military for law enforcement.

So--THEN--someone asked "Why didn't the governor just mobilize all of them then?" Well, moron--what would we do if there was an emergency 2 weeks from now? And all of our National Guard troops were otherwise engaged? The fact is, San Diego city and county know what they are doing. They have a plan. They practiced it. They knew what assistance they needed and they've gotten it. THEY ARE HANDLING IT.

Another issue: People keep comparing the to Katrina. Here are the differences as I see them: 1. The city of New Orleans and the state of Louisiana sat back and said "Why isn't anyone taking care of us?" (Meaning the federal government and FEMA) The city of San Diego stood up and said "We're going to take care of ourselves."
2. New Orleans waited 'til the last minute and said "Everybody get out. We don't know how. Just go." San Diego evacuated people early and conservatively, so that there was little strain on the traffic flow, and everyone's nerves.
3. New Orleans is something like 11 feet below sea level. They knew that a hurricane was going to happen eventually. They didn't bother to plan for it. San Diego is in the middle of wildfire country. They knew it would happen eventually. They had a fabulous plan.

There are some differences tha tmade Katrina harder to deal with than the fires. Here, our shelters are out of harm's way. Once you get to them, the power works, the water is running, etc. So, the conditions are better. It is also easier to donate supplies, because you can drive straight to Qualcomm and drop off a sleeping bag or whatever. And, they can use the parking lot as a staging area. There was so much water standing in New Orleans, that you couldn't get to the stadium.

But, the lack of coordination inside New Orleans' stadium was shameful. We have National Guard soldiers patrolling--very visably--so no one gets any funny ideas. They have the box suites set up for elderly and people with disabilities. They have food service areas (even one for kosher food!) and playrooms for kids. They are helping people set up tents or blanket "forts" like my kids make, just to give them some privacy in the big open areas.

I'm also amazed by the spirit of the people here. Everyone is staying calm and focused. People are calling in to TV and radio stations and offering their farms for evacuation of animals or even just their guestrooms for people to stay in! I wish it didn't take a tragedy to bring out the best in people. This has really given me a boost in my belief in the human race. . .I wish it would last. But, I anticipate that as this goes on, someone--whether in San Diego or the national arena, maybe politicians, maybe news media--someone is going to dig and dig and find a bad spin. It is really disgusting.

I'm going to stop this ranting post, and start a new one that is more about our family. I have a picture of the boys in their masks. . .I just have to find the camera!