I rarely forward emails with quotes and stuff like that. It has to REALLY make me laugh to forward it, and even then, I am selective about who I send what to. Anyway--I got this today, and in light of what I moaned and whined about in my earlier post, I had to put it here.
"One day a long, long time ago, there lived a woman who did NOT whine, nag, bitch, moan or complain.
But this was a LONG time ago--and it was just that one day."
I'm sure I should be insulted by this. But it just made me laugh SO HARD!!!!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Poor, Poor Pitiful Me
So--today I decided that I would do an experiment. I know that I talk too much all the time. I also know that it is because I am afraid that if I don't talk to other people, no one would ever talk to me. Today I thought I'd test that.
When I picked the kids up at school, I was the first one to arrive in the kindergarten/1st grade pick up area. I know a lot of people at the school, but I don't know if I actually have any "friends." I guess when I consider my definition of friend, I really don't. Maybe one. Anyway--since I was already standing by myself, I decided to wait and see if anyone approached ME as opposed to the other way around. Answer: No. Several people I knew walked up and promptly formed little circles that did not include me. As the kids were coming out of the building (about 20 minutes later) one woman (I'd say she's an aquaintence) actually came over to say hi. What she actually came over for was to relay a story.
Her neighbor (I don't know her name. Let's call her Jane) had just told her this story and she thought she'd share it with me because it was funny. I don't see the humor. Jane is quite small and always has been. Apparently some other random person (let's say Sally) had approached Jane and made all kinds of comments about how great she looked and how it had been so long since Sally had seen Jane and Jane had lost so much weight and looked so healthy etc. Apparently, Sally thought that Jane was me. Apparently, my friend found it humerous because Jane and I do not look at all alike. She is blond, very tan, very southern californian. I, obviously, am not.
Here's the thing. Did Sally think that "I" looked so different from recently or from a long time ago? If it was from 2 years ago, great. If it was from last school year--what the hell? Does that mean I am fat and unhealthy looking? (and apparently should bleach my hair blond.) I don't get it. And, I don't find it funny.
I feel very sorry for myself today, as you can see. I have always had the feeling that I didn't fit in. I can't remember a time or place in my entire life where I felt like I actually "melded" well with the rest of the people in the group/area. That's why I am always desperately trying to include myself, because I know that otherwise no one will include me.
I always envy people when they turn down an invitation. Like, if I call someone and invite them to go to lunch and they say they've already eaten or they have errands to run or their baby is asleep. First of all, my feelings are hurt, which is ridiculous. They aren't rejecting me personally, they have other commitments. But, the more important thing is, they are secure enough that they don't feel a need to seek whatever time they can find with another person.
I am not this way. If I had already eaten a full 7 course meal, and someone invited me to lunch--I would go. Because, I am desperate to have a connection to SOMEONE! Truly pathetic.
When I picked the kids up at school, I was the first one to arrive in the kindergarten/1st grade pick up area. I know a lot of people at the school, but I don't know if I actually have any "friends." I guess when I consider my definition of friend, I really don't. Maybe one. Anyway--since I was already standing by myself, I decided to wait and see if anyone approached ME as opposed to the other way around. Answer: No. Several people I knew walked up and promptly formed little circles that did not include me. As the kids were coming out of the building (about 20 minutes later) one woman (I'd say she's an aquaintence) actually came over to say hi. What she actually came over for was to relay a story.
Her neighbor (I don't know her name. Let's call her Jane) had just told her this story and she thought she'd share it with me because it was funny. I don't see the humor. Jane is quite small and always has been. Apparently some other random person (let's say Sally) had approached Jane and made all kinds of comments about how great she looked and how it had been so long since Sally had seen Jane and Jane had lost so much weight and looked so healthy etc. Apparently, Sally thought that Jane was me. Apparently, my friend found it humerous because Jane and I do not look at all alike. She is blond, very tan, very southern californian. I, obviously, am not.
Here's the thing. Did Sally think that "I" looked so different from recently or from a long time ago? If it was from 2 years ago, great. If it was from last school year--what the hell? Does that mean I am fat and unhealthy looking? (and apparently should bleach my hair blond.) I don't get it. And, I don't find it funny.
I feel very sorry for myself today, as you can see. I have always had the feeling that I didn't fit in. I can't remember a time or place in my entire life where I felt like I actually "melded" well with the rest of the people in the group/area. That's why I am always desperately trying to include myself, because I know that otherwise no one will include me.
I always envy people when they turn down an invitation. Like, if I call someone and invite them to go to lunch and they say they've already eaten or they have errands to run or their baby is asleep. First of all, my feelings are hurt, which is ridiculous. They aren't rejecting me personally, they have other commitments. But, the more important thing is, they are secure enough that they don't feel a need to seek whatever time they can find with another person.
I am not this way. If I had already eaten a full 7 course meal, and someone invited me to lunch--I would go. Because, I am desperate to have a connection to SOMEONE! Truly pathetic.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
First Day of School
At home, before we left on the first day
Third Grader!!
Kindergartener!!
Kindergartener!!Preschooler!!
Riding to school (so far, we've walked every day!!) N. doesn't wait for us. I didn't get a shot of him riding his bike. He probably wouldn't have let me if I'd have tried!
Going into the classrooms!
(My little kindergartener--R. going to class alone for the first time!!)
(J. is still not sure he wants to go to preschool!)
(I wasn't really invited to walk N. to class--I snuck this photo!)
With the new teachers!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Walking Alone
I always thought I liked for S to go with me on walk/runs because it made me go faster. I like to go with friends too, to talk. And, apparently, I even prefer pushing 110 pounds of stroller/kids/snacks/entertainment more than being alone--I guess even that is a distraction. I don't seem to enjoy having time alone with my thoughts.
I went alone today, because it was J's first day of school alone. (More on that later--I just have a few minutes right now before heading to soccer!)
Anyway--I was going a lot faster than normal (due to the 110 pound absence) but I had some very weird conversations with myself. I could actually hear my own voice, and once or twice I might have said something out loud. As I said, it wasn't something I enjoyed (although it might have been necessary).
At first, I was just analyzing and working through my reactions to all of the kids' first days (again more on that later). But, at some point, I decided I might shorten my route so I could have time to get my eyebrows waxed before picking up J. That's when the arguing began. Here's what happened in my head. Since they're both me, I won't bother to label who was speaking. But, there were two voices--they are separated by paragraph.
If I turn here I can finish with enough time to get my eyebrows waxed.
Why don't you just go the whole route and go faster?
Why don't you shut up?
I'm just saying--which one really needs to be thinner, your ass or your eyebrows?
Well, that's pretty rude.
Rude? Maybe. Valid? Definitely.
Didn't I tell you to shut up?
Yes, and that was rude.
Fine, I'll run the whole route.
Good idea.
Of course YOU think it was a good idea. It was YOUR idea.
It was yours too.
Thanks a lot.
You're welcome.
I hate you.
The good news is that I DID do the whole route and still have time to get my eyebrows waxed, but still--isn't that the ODDEST thing????
I went alone today, because it was J's first day of school alone. (More on that later--I just have a few minutes right now before heading to soccer!)
Anyway--I was going a lot faster than normal (due to the 110 pound absence) but I had some very weird conversations with myself. I could actually hear my own voice, and once or twice I might have said something out loud. As I said, it wasn't something I enjoyed (although it might have been necessary).
At first, I was just analyzing and working through my reactions to all of the kids' first days (again more on that later). But, at some point, I decided I might shorten my route so I could have time to get my eyebrows waxed before picking up J. That's when the arguing began. Here's what happened in my head. Since they're both me, I won't bother to label who was speaking. But, there were two voices--they are separated by paragraph.
If I turn here I can finish with enough time to get my eyebrows waxed.
Why don't you just go the whole route and go faster?
Why don't you shut up?
I'm just saying--which one really needs to be thinner, your ass or your eyebrows?
Well, that's pretty rude.
Rude? Maybe. Valid? Definitely.
Didn't I tell you to shut up?
Yes, and that was rude.
Fine, I'll run the whole route.
Good idea.
Of course YOU think it was a good idea. It was YOUR idea.
It was yours too.
Thanks a lot.
You're welcome.
I hate you.
The good news is that I DID do the whole route and still have time to get my eyebrows waxed, but still--isn't that the ODDEST thing????
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
New Life
Well, it is 10am and I have finished my run/walk, and I am not rushing to shower so I won't be late to pick up R. He is there all day long now. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am really struggling with that. For some reason, the idea of him being somewhere else for lunch EVERY DAY really bothers me.
Both boys had a fantastic first day. They loved their teachers and are satisfied with their classmates (for now!). Although I felt like I got punched in the stomach when they posted the class lists, I am recovering now. I know that it sounds like I didn't like the teachers, but that wasn't actually the issue. I just don't want to write what it was because I'm not sure who all reads this! ANyway--I have a plan for each boy, and it seems to be working well so far--hope for the best!
I stayed with J. for the first day at his class (parents had to stay) so he's real first day will be tomorrow. Wish us luck. He doesn't usually do well when I leave him anywhere. He's just so used to having R with him everywhere. They are always with a babysitter together, they are in the same sunday school class, they were in gymnastics together. . .Even though he knows the preschool classroom, since he went there to drop off and pick up R for 2 years, and the teacher is my friend, so he spends lots of time with her at her house, our house, etc. We'll see. . .
I will post pictures of the first day later, because I haven't been able to get a pic of each kid with their teacher yet. I like to do that on the first day of school and the last day of school just to see how the kids change over the year.
J and I are trying to adjust to our new schedule. When we left yesterday after his class was over, he was in a panic that we were leaving without R. He couldn't understand that R stayed all day now. Today is even harder. Last year, the entire time R was at preschool, J would say "Can we go get R now?" and now he's home all day without him. For a while, we will just try to settle in, because two days a week of class with be an adjustment. But, I may have to find something soon that the two of us can do on Wednesdays. Maybe a class or something. The gymnastics place doesn't have a class on Weds that fits his age group, but maybe the aquarium or zoo or something. Unfortunately, the library kids time is Tuesdays, so that doesn't work. That would have been great since it is close and free!!
I've decided my schedule will be to work in R's classroom on Tuesdays and N's on Thursdays. I will only be in the rooms until 10:30, which gives me an hour and 15 minutes to run. That is plenty of time, as long as I start from the school and end there to pick up J, so I'll just take my workout clothes and change in the teachers bathroom. Then I can run sometime during the weekend--it will vary based on soccer games, etc. I'll lift weights and do other cardio stuff Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will probably only take 4-6 clients, so that I work for 2 hours M/W/F. That is at home, so I don't have to take J anywhere or have a commute time. Including my own workout, I should finish by noon each day. I'm focusing on that, because it gives me something that I can control!
I have to get to work on the schools' Family Fun Nights, which I am the chair for this year. We are having the first one on September 26th, and I have done NO preparation. It is going to be a barn dance, so I think once I have a DJ, the rest will be easy. We already have lots of decorations, and I just need to do a time schedule of "advertising" and selling tickets, etc.
Well, I'm not sure why I am putting my to do list on my blog. I really meant to write about the fact that I miss R so much while he is at school, but apparently I am even better at blocking than I realized!
Ok, even though I'm in no rush to shower--it really must be done. So. . .off I go. Hey--maybe all this extra time means I can even shave my legs!!!
Woo hoo!!!
Both boys had a fantastic first day. They loved their teachers and are satisfied with their classmates (for now!). Although I felt like I got punched in the stomach when they posted the class lists, I am recovering now. I know that it sounds like I didn't like the teachers, but that wasn't actually the issue. I just don't want to write what it was because I'm not sure who all reads this! ANyway--I have a plan for each boy, and it seems to be working well so far--hope for the best!
I stayed with J. for the first day at his class (parents had to stay) so he's real first day will be tomorrow. Wish us luck. He doesn't usually do well when I leave him anywhere. He's just so used to having R with him everywhere. They are always with a babysitter together, they are in the same sunday school class, they were in gymnastics together. . .Even though he knows the preschool classroom, since he went there to drop off and pick up R for 2 years, and the teacher is my friend, so he spends lots of time with her at her house, our house, etc. We'll see. . .
I will post pictures of the first day later, because I haven't been able to get a pic of each kid with their teacher yet. I like to do that on the first day of school and the last day of school just to see how the kids change over the year.
J and I are trying to adjust to our new schedule. When we left yesterday after his class was over, he was in a panic that we were leaving without R. He couldn't understand that R stayed all day now. Today is even harder. Last year, the entire time R was at preschool, J would say "Can we go get R now?" and now he's home all day without him. For a while, we will just try to settle in, because two days a week of class with be an adjustment. But, I may have to find something soon that the two of us can do on Wednesdays. Maybe a class or something. The gymnastics place doesn't have a class on Weds that fits his age group, but maybe the aquarium or zoo or something. Unfortunately, the library kids time is Tuesdays, so that doesn't work. That would have been great since it is close and free!!
I've decided my schedule will be to work in R's classroom on Tuesdays and N's on Thursdays. I will only be in the rooms until 10:30, which gives me an hour and 15 minutes to run. That is plenty of time, as long as I start from the school and end there to pick up J, so I'll just take my workout clothes and change in the teachers bathroom. Then I can run sometime during the weekend--it will vary based on soccer games, etc. I'll lift weights and do other cardio stuff Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will probably only take 4-6 clients, so that I work for 2 hours M/W/F. That is at home, so I don't have to take J anywhere or have a commute time. Including my own workout, I should finish by noon each day. I'm focusing on that, because it gives me something that I can control!
I have to get to work on the schools' Family Fun Nights, which I am the chair for this year. We are having the first one on September 26th, and I have done NO preparation. It is going to be a barn dance, so I think once I have a DJ, the rest will be easy. We already have lots of decorations, and I just need to do a time schedule of "advertising" and selling tickets, etc.
Well, I'm not sure why I am putting my to do list on my blog. I really meant to write about the fact that I miss R so much while he is at school, but apparently I am even better at blocking than I realized!
Ok, even though I'm in no rush to shower--it really must be done. So. . .off I go. Hey--maybe all this extra time means I can even shave my legs!!!
Woo hoo!!!
Friday, August 15, 2008
What to do?
Well, I knew our run off good luck would run out. I have been worried all summer about which teachers the kids would get. Our school has gone through major upheaval with teachers being laid off, then the schools being divided with a new one opening, then the teachers being rehired--but there was no room at our school for them, so the ones who were laid off (the young, energetic, exciting ones) all went to the other school.
The other teachers all rearranged to different grades, and now I am so sad. They both got the ONE teacher from their grade that I didn't want them to have. I feel like they are both being punished for being good kids. N. is easygoing and a peacemaker. He always ends up being sat next to the troublemaker kid to be a "good influence" or when their is an uncomfortable situation that they don't know what to do with--they put him there because he adapts so well. So--he got screwed. I don't know how to help him. His best friend (and only friend that didn't move to the other school) is in a different class. Maybe if they had been in class together, it would have been fine, but he's alone and miserable. He's in his room now, just being dejected. It isn't his style to pout or fuss or cry, but he is SO down. . .
I don't know about R's situation. I'm trying to believe that I am only disappointed because it wasn't the teacher I wanted, and that I should just quit thinking things should always go my way and not worry about it. Mostly I am upset because all of the other kids from his preschool class except one are in the other classroom. I think I feel like he has been shunned or rejected somehow. Almost like all the other kids parents specifically requested that he NOT be in the class with their kids. I assume that isn't true, since they all say they love him, but I can't help but be sad.
I talked to the principal, but you could tell that she had rehearsed all summer and was very prepared to flat out turn down any request for changes. It kind of pisses me off, after everything I did at Vacation Bible School for 425 kids, it seems like she could do it for the kids at school. But, I guess that's not a fair way to look at it. I don't know what to do. I can't even pretend to be excited and find a way to "spin" it for them. Every time I look at either of them I start to cry, and I had to make up something about it being because of a story I heard that was sad.
I love being involved at the school, and I love volunteering in the classroom, but I am having a hard time picturing myself doing that this year. I don't know how I can change my attitude. I am praying that they will surprise me, and that I will have just upset myself for no reason. But right now, I just can't shake this feeling that I've been punched in the gut--twice.
Originally we were supposed to move this summer. I'm starting to REALLY wish that had happened.
PS--on a side note, I'm a walking example of what Weight Watchers calls "emotional eating" right now. All I can think of is saying to the kids "Let's go to Cold Stone and get ice cream!" I suck in SO VERY MANY WAYS.
The other teachers all rearranged to different grades, and now I am so sad. They both got the ONE teacher from their grade that I didn't want them to have. I feel like they are both being punished for being good kids. N. is easygoing and a peacemaker. He always ends up being sat next to the troublemaker kid to be a "good influence" or when their is an uncomfortable situation that they don't know what to do with--they put him there because he adapts so well. So--he got screwed. I don't know how to help him. His best friend (and only friend that didn't move to the other school) is in a different class. Maybe if they had been in class together, it would have been fine, but he's alone and miserable. He's in his room now, just being dejected. It isn't his style to pout or fuss or cry, but he is SO down. . .
I don't know about R's situation. I'm trying to believe that I am only disappointed because it wasn't the teacher I wanted, and that I should just quit thinking things should always go my way and not worry about it. Mostly I am upset because all of the other kids from his preschool class except one are in the other classroom. I think I feel like he has been shunned or rejected somehow. Almost like all the other kids parents specifically requested that he NOT be in the class with their kids. I assume that isn't true, since they all say they love him, but I can't help but be sad.
I talked to the principal, but you could tell that she had rehearsed all summer and was very prepared to flat out turn down any request for changes. It kind of pisses me off, after everything I did at Vacation Bible School for 425 kids, it seems like she could do it for the kids at school. But, I guess that's not a fair way to look at it. I don't know what to do. I can't even pretend to be excited and find a way to "spin" it for them. Every time I look at either of them I start to cry, and I had to make up something about it being because of a story I heard that was sad.
I love being involved at the school, and I love volunteering in the classroom, but I am having a hard time picturing myself doing that this year. I don't know how I can change my attitude. I am praying that they will surprise me, and that I will have just upset myself for no reason. But right now, I just can't shake this feeling that I've been punched in the gut--twice.
Originally we were supposed to move this summer. I'm starting to REALLY wish that had happened.
PS--on a side note, I'm a walking example of what Weight Watchers calls "emotional eating" right now. All I can think of is saying to the kids "Let's go to Cold Stone and get ice cream!" I suck in SO VERY MANY WAYS.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Where've we been?
Well, as I said in my last post (LONG ago)--the last couple of weeks of school were very busy for me. I survived, although there were points along the way that I thought I might not!
R. graduated from preschool and N. finished 2nd grade. I so loved his teacher, and was really hoping she would get the combo class next year so he could have her again, but she didn't. So, now we have to just pray that the 3rd grade teacher will live up to the VERY high standards that the kindergarten, first, and second grade teachers set! I have really be amazed (and thankful) at how awesome his teachers have been!
I have end of the year photos, but have still not been able to download them, so I will post them soon.
We left just after school got out and went to Texas for 6 weeks. We did the yearly tour of the state to attend family reunions, visit grandparents and great grandparents and eat at restaurants that I miss all year! It was fun to hang out with all the cousins and see how everyone has grown. (Again--pictures soon. Although, for these I will have to rely on my siblings, as I took the camera but sent it home with S. when he left early.)
It is SO hot there. The exact same distance for running/walking took me an extra 8 minutes! Yikes! The humidity was at least 238% and the temperature was about 300 degrees by 7am. I thought that would make it easier to run when I got home, but the hills and stroller seem to be making up the difference!
I let N. stay an extra week. I truly should get some kind of academy award for my performance when I left him. I completely acted like I was so excited for him and that he was going to have such a great time and form all these wonderful memories and special relationships with his grandparents. What I really wanted to say was "You are just a baby! You get in the car right now and go home with your mommy!!!!" He is having a good time, so I suppose all is well. I am trying very hard not to project my separation issues and goodbye neuroses onto the kids. I don't know if it worked or if he is just as good an actor as I am. I know he has a hard time saying goodbye, no matter who it is to. So, I hope that it was no big deal since he knew he was going to see me in a few days. I have tried to also make sure that he knows that if he is sad, that is perfectly normal and acceptable and he does not have to hide it for anyone's benefit. I am hoping I've managed to achieve the balance of all those lessons and that it isn't that he just didn't want anyone to see him cry. . .
S. left Texas on his birthday, which I had totally screwed up. It was the 35th--and I did nothing. I had several plans, but none of them worked out and then time got away from me and--nothing. I cried all day. Not because he was leaving (it was only to be for 3 weeks for goodness sakes!) but because I had screwed it up so much. Lately we have both been doing really creative, thoughtful things for gifts, so I was very disappointed in myself for this one.
He had to go to Honolulu for a week, then back home for a few days, and now he is in Australia. Don't you feel sad for him. He says that when duty calls, he has to answer. I told him that I'm not sure that is what all those "support our troops" yellow ribbons are actually referring to!
All joking aside, we are both very aware every day what an amazing blessing this duty assignment has been for our family. We take nothing for granted and appreciate every extra second we get to be together. We know it is dwindling now, and that soon it will be time to go back to the "real army" and that is ok. It is our turn. I remember our battalion commander's wife (CT) saying she remembered becoming "one of them." When she noticed that "younger" people in the battalion started referring to them as "them." I kind of just thought that happened because you go from company grade to field grade, but now I think it is more than that.
I feel like we have had our chance to rest, and now it is time to go back and repay what has been given to us when we were still new to the army. We have had SO MANY good people "over" us. Both S's bosses and their wives and other senior officers that weren't directly over us. I think it is time that we try to do the same good for other younger officers and their families.
Before September 11th it was pretty common that after company command officers went to some "rest" job like this one. That is increasingly rare, as more and more "high pressure" jobs are necessary. I think that that plan, whether it was intentional or not, was a good one. I am cynical enough to think they did it on purpose, because that was about the time in someone's career that they decided to get out, or stick with it until retirement. Maybe it was just a lucky accident, but I think that if "they" really tried hard to make this happen for everyone that they could, it would really help. We will leave here with a renewed sense of dedication and determination. We have had time to restrengthen the bond that command and everything else that happened at the end of the Germany tour tore apart. S has actually created relationships with each of our children. I think we will be a strong asset to whatever battalion we go to next because we will have energy that was SORELY lacking when we arrived here.
Well, I had no intention of this being a lecture. . .I really just intended to sum up our summer. But, I tend to get philosophical when I spend much time thinking about what comes next. Speaking of which, we know what we WANT to do. Now we just have to pray that the army will cooperate! Keep your fingers crossed for us!
I hope to post again soon. The boys have British Soccer Camp next week (a coach will be living with us) and Vacation Bible School the next week (I am in charge of placing into groups 425 children!) And that weekend I go back to Texas (alone) for my cousin's wedding. Then, another week before school starts! And--soccer practices start the week of VBS!! Back to the craziness of real life! (I love it!)
Oh--does anyone know where you can buy those iron on designs made of rhinestones? I used to have a Tshirt that said Soccer Mom, but it got torn up in the dryer and I want to make a new one. Ideas?
One last thing. I cut my hair short. Again--pictures soon!!
R. graduated from preschool and N. finished 2nd grade. I so loved his teacher, and was really hoping she would get the combo class next year so he could have her again, but she didn't. So, now we have to just pray that the 3rd grade teacher will live up to the VERY high standards that the kindergarten, first, and second grade teachers set! I have really be amazed (and thankful) at how awesome his teachers have been!
I have end of the year photos, but have still not been able to download them, so I will post them soon.
We left just after school got out and went to Texas for 6 weeks. We did the yearly tour of the state to attend family reunions, visit grandparents and great grandparents and eat at restaurants that I miss all year! It was fun to hang out with all the cousins and see how everyone has grown. (Again--pictures soon. Although, for these I will have to rely on my siblings, as I took the camera but sent it home with S. when he left early.)
It is SO hot there. The exact same distance for running/walking took me an extra 8 minutes! Yikes! The humidity was at least 238% and the temperature was about 300 degrees by 7am. I thought that would make it easier to run when I got home, but the hills and stroller seem to be making up the difference!
I let N. stay an extra week. I truly should get some kind of academy award for my performance when I left him. I completely acted like I was so excited for him and that he was going to have such a great time and form all these wonderful memories and special relationships with his grandparents. What I really wanted to say was "You are just a baby! You get in the car right now and go home with your mommy!!!!" He is having a good time, so I suppose all is well. I am trying very hard not to project my separation issues and goodbye neuroses onto the kids. I don't know if it worked or if he is just as good an actor as I am. I know he has a hard time saying goodbye, no matter who it is to. So, I hope that it was no big deal since he knew he was going to see me in a few days. I have tried to also make sure that he knows that if he is sad, that is perfectly normal and acceptable and he does not have to hide it for anyone's benefit. I am hoping I've managed to achieve the balance of all those lessons and that it isn't that he just didn't want anyone to see him cry. . .
S. left Texas on his birthday, which I had totally screwed up. It was the 35th--and I did nothing. I had several plans, but none of them worked out and then time got away from me and--nothing. I cried all day. Not because he was leaving (it was only to be for 3 weeks for goodness sakes!) but because I had screwed it up so much. Lately we have both been doing really creative, thoughtful things for gifts, so I was very disappointed in myself for this one.
He had to go to Honolulu for a week, then back home for a few days, and now he is in Australia. Don't you feel sad for him. He says that when duty calls, he has to answer. I told him that I'm not sure that is what all those "support our troops" yellow ribbons are actually referring to!
All joking aside, we are both very aware every day what an amazing blessing this duty assignment has been for our family. We take nothing for granted and appreciate every extra second we get to be together. We know it is dwindling now, and that soon it will be time to go back to the "real army" and that is ok. It is our turn. I remember our battalion commander's wife (CT) saying she remembered becoming "one of them." When she noticed that "younger" people in the battalion started referring to them as "them." I kind of just thought that happened because you go from company grade to field grade, but now I think it is more than that.
I feel like we have had our chance to rest, and now it is time to go back and repay what has been given to us when we were still new to the army. We have had SO MANY good people "over" us. Both S's bosses and their wives and other senior officers that weren't directly over us. I think it is time that we try to do the same good for other younger officers and their families.
Before September 11th it was pretty common that after company command officers went to some "rest" job like this one. That is increasingly rare, as more and more "high pressure" jobs are necessary. I think that that plan, whether it was intentional or not, was a good one. I am cynical enough to think they did it on purpose, because that was about the time in someone's career that they decided to get out, or stick with it until retirement. Maybe it was just a lucky accident, but I think that if "they" really tried hard to make this happen for everyone that they could, it would really help. We will leave here with a renewed sense of dedication and determination. We have had time to restrengthen the bond that command and everything else that happened at the end of the Germany tour tore apart. S has actually created relationships with each of our children. I think we will be a strong asset to whatever battalion we go to next because we will have energy that was SORELY lacking when we arrived here.
Well, I had no intention of this being a lecture. . .I really just intended to sum up our summer. But, I tend to get philosophical when I spend much time thinking about what comes next. Speaking of which, we know what we WANT to do. Now we just have to pray that the army will cooperate! Keep your fingers crossed for us!
I hope to post again soon. The boys have British Soccer Camp next week (a coach will be living with us) and Vacation Bible School the next week (I am in charge of placing into groups 425 children!) And that weekend I go back to Texas (alone) for my cousin's wedding. Then, another week before school starts! And--soccer practices start the week of VBS!! Back to the craziness of real life! (I love it!)
Oh--does anyone know where you can buy those iron on designs made of rhinestones? I used to have a Tshirt that said Soccer Mom, but it got torn up in the dryer and I want to make a new one. Ideas?
One last thing. I cut my hair short. Again--pictures soon!!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
I'll Never Survive
Many things have happened. Percoset from the surgery prevented me from remembering a lot of them. . .but here is something important. I will never survive my children being in high school. Nothing to do with drugs, girls, etc. I can't handle the pressure of the sports! Seriously!
N. pitched in his first game a few weeks ago. He did ok, but not great. I was shocked when the coached decided to have him pitch again. This time he did great. I sat through his inning, but since it was 3 days after my surgery, I went home right away. I was so sick to my stomach, and I thought it was from the heat, but truly I believe it was from the nerves!
Here's the even bigger thing. . .
His team is ahead in the standings by 1 game. Tuesday, we played the team that beat us (and is only 1 game behind us.) We were the home team. It started off terrible. In the second inning we were behind 10 to 2. Keep in mind that they can only score 5 runs in an inning (or 8 batters, whichever comes first). Slowly we started to catch up. In the 6th inning (we can only play 6 or 1 hour 45 mins--whichever comes first) N. was in the field at 2nd base. There was a man on 3rd and 1 out. The ball came at N, he stepped on 2nd and threw to the catcher (the runner was going.)
In the previous inning, the catcher had gotten the ball, but forgot to tag the runner. So--N throws to the catcher (a long way for an 8 year old from 2nd base!!) The coach had sent him thinking SURELY we would overthrow the catcher, because at this age they usually do. Guess what! Perfect throw, catcher sweeps across the baseline and tags the runner--3rd out!!!
We are down by 2. We're up--last bat. Someone gets on base with a single. Someone pops out. N. is up. He hits a double (they can only get 2 bases with each hit) so now the other runner is at 3rd and N is at second. Another out. Someone is up to bat--he hits a single--runner on third goes home. N comes to third. By the way--Daddy is coaching third!!!! N starts to stop at third, but the fielder has thrown the ball to third and overthrown it. S. sends N home. He starts toward home--the third baseman recovers the ball and throws it home. The catcher catches it. . .but he is too late. N has already crossed the plate!!!! We're tied!
The next batter gets up and pops out. So--if N had not made that throw to the catcher, they would have scored again and been up three instead of 2 runs. If he had not gone home and had stayed at third, he wouldn't have been able to score and we would have lost! He got the game ball. The other coach went on out to the field to start a new inning (we play machine pitch during the week). Our scorekeeper (the official one since we were home team) told him they could not start another inning because we were at 1 hour 42 minutes (you can't start a new inning with 5 minutes left. . .don't you love all these rules!) and besides that, we were at the 6th inning, so that ends the game anyway!
He REFUSED to believe us. He kept saying we can't end on a tie and we had to keep playing. Our coach checked the rule book (he is also on the board of directors, so he knows the rules) and sure enough, you can end on a tie and each team gets a 1/2 game on their record. It wasn't that our coach didn't think we could win, we had a pretty good chance, he just wanted us to get to play these guys in a live pitch game. Also, he thought they had bad sportsmanship and just wanted to shut them up. The coach refused to shake hands with our players and our coaches (classy, huh?) This is the same guy that took a sandwich ON A PLATE with him to the first base coach's box in the 2nd inning. I'm SO GLAD we didn't get that guy as our coach!
We took the kids out for pizza and all was well--except for the fact that I may have given myself and ulcer! Whew! I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm trying to convince N to take up chess or competitive lawn mowing or something. . .
This is from the day he pitched. . .
N. pitched in his first game a few weeks ago. He did ok, but not great. I was shocked when the coached decided to have him pitch again. This time he did great. I sat through his inning, but since it was 3 days after my surgery, I went home right away. I was so sick to my stomach, and I thought it was from the heat, but truly I believe it was from the nerves!
Here's the even bigger thing. . .
His team is ahead in the standings by 1 game. Tuesday, we played the team that beat us (and is only 1 game behind us.) We were the home team. It started off terrible. In the second inning we were behind 10 to 2. Keep in mind that they can only score 5 runs in an inning (or 8 batters, whichever comes first). Slowly we started to catch up. In the 6th inning (we can only play 6 or 1 hour 45 mins--whichever comes first) N. was in the field at 2nd base. There was a man on 3rd and 1 out. The ball came at N, he stepped on 2nd and threw to the catcher (the runner was going.)
In the previous inning, the catcher had gotten the ball, but forgot to tag the runner. So--N throws to the catcher (a long way for an 8 year old from 2nd base!!) The coach had sent him thinking SURELY we would overthrow the catcher, because at this age they usually do. Guess what! Perfect throw, catcher sweeps across the baseline and tags the runner--3rd out!!!
We are down by 2. We're up--last bat. Someone gets on base with a single. Someone pops out. N. is up. He hits a double (they can only get 2 bases with each hit) so now the other runner is at 3rd and N is at second. Another out. Someone is up to bat--he hits a single--runner on third goes home. N comes to third. By the way--Daddy is coaching third!!!! N starts to stop at third, but the fielder has thrown the ball to third and overthrown it. S. sends N home. He starts toward home--the third baseman recovers the ball and throws it home. The catcher catches it. . .but he is too late. N has already crossed the plate!!!! We're tied!
The next batter gets up and pops out. So--if N had not made that throw to the catcher, they would have scored again and been up three instead of 2 runs. If he had not gone home and had stayed at third, he wouldn't have been able to score and we would have lost! He got the game ball. The other coach went on out to the field to start a new inning (we play machine pitch during the week). Our scorekeeper (the official one since we were home team) told him they could not start another inning because we were at 1 hour 42 minutes (you can't start a new inning with 5 minutes left. . .don't you love all these rules!) and besides that, we were at the 6th inning, so that ends the game anyway!
He REFUSED to believe us. He kept saying we can't end on a tie and we had to keep playing. Our coach checked the rule book (he is also on the board of directors, so he knows the rules) and sure enough, you can end on a tie and each team gets a 1/2 game on their record. It wasn't that our coach didn't think we could win, we had a pretty good chance, he just wanted us to get to play these guys in a live pitch game. Also, he thought they had bad sportsmanship and just wanted to shut them up. The coach refused to shake hands with our players and our coaches (classy, huh?) This is the same guy that took a sandwich ON A PLATE with him to the first base coach's box in the 2nd inning. I'm SO GLAD we didn't get that guy as our coach!
We took the kids out for pizza and all was well--except for the fact that I may have given myself and ulcer! Whew! I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm trying to convince N to take up chess or competitive lawn mowing or something. . .
This is from the day he pitched. . .
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Third Time's a Charm
Well, I had a 3rd surgery on my nose. For the first one, 8 years ago, they used my own cartilage, and over the last few years it disintegrated and fell apart. In August, they fixed it, and used something called MedPor which is kind of like casting material. They didn't do anything to my right side then, because it was fine.
For some reason, the right side collapsed over the last 6 months. Probably because the other side and the tip were so strong from the fake stuff, that it sort of "overpowered" the right side. So, this time they put a sort of "stint" in the right side to keep it from collapsing every time I breathe in. I really didn't want to do much, but I couldn't breathe at all from that side and he was concerned about the lack of oxygen that I was getting and how that would affect me long term.
So, we did it. He is a craniofacial reconstruction specialist who has been doing this for about 30 years. Last time I didn't have any bruising, and they broke a lot of bones and I had splints and everything! This time there is not really any bruising, but I do still have some swelling. I only need 1/2 a pain pill about every 12 hours now, and it has only been 2 days. I am doing pretty good, but look ridiculous since I have the cast on. It comes off next Wednesday.
I have some great pics and a video to post of N. pitching, but I will have to wait. I can't find the camera right now--that's the weird thing about Percoset for me. It doesn't make me sleepy, just basically slow and unaware of much. Very strange for other people, I'm sure, since I appear to be awake, but really have no idea what is happening. . .
I took this photo with my phone on the way home from the surgery. 
Monday, May 05, 2008
Shock
A kid in N's grade at school lost his dad on Friday. They aren't military. He was surfing with friends and everyone was done and getting back in the boats. He told his buddies he was going to "catch one more" wave, and that was it. They lost sight of him, and they don't know yet what happened.
I always thought that we were caught off guard by the deaths in the unit--especially when they were married or had kids. It seemed to me that we were shocked. But, I think that we must have been always waiting for it a little bit. Maybe we were holding our breath without knowing it, because this is TOTALLY shocking. I didn't know this family, but it has completely knocked me out of my comfort zone. Even more than when I knew the soldiers that died or their families.
I realize that civilian people die everyday. Maybe it wouldn't have been such a huge shock if he had been in a car accident. Or even shot--sadly, that seems relatively common these days. But the idea that he was with his buddies, doing something he loved--and now he's just gone. It is just too much to comprehend.
I don't think that their grief will be any more than or less than that of a soldier's family. When you have that much of your world and your heart ripped out at one time--the pain is an unmeasureable level anyway so there wouldn't be a way to compare, but I don't know how civilian people manage. They don't have the built in "systems" for managing all the affairs. They don't have anyone to help them.
This lady has 3 small kids--ages 8, 5, and 2. And she gets EXACTLY one week off of work. Her company allows 1 freakin' week of "bereavement leave." It makes me want to be sick to think of her having to go back to work--worrying about her kids, grieving for her husband. . .I can't imagine.
I don't think it is possible to "imagine" the pain of losing your spouse. And I can't imagine having to watch your child suffer that grief. I just can't imagine that poor little second grader. His sisters are really too little to comprehend. . .but he gets it. He's his daddy's only little boy. . .he knows what death means but he can't possibly wrap his mind around the full impact of it.
I truly don't understand the way God works sometimes. It is very hard to hold on to faith in the face of something like this. I suppose she can reassure herself that he was doing something that he loved in his final moments. . .but I doubt that is much comfort. What on earth can possibly be done to support her?
As I said, I don't know them, so I can't help much, other than to pray. I've offered to babysit during the service if she doesn't want to take the kids. They are taking restaurant gift card donations to give to the family, so we'll contribute to that. I hate feeling this helpless. If there was something I could do to make her feel better, I would charge in to her house, uninvited and do it. . .but there's just nothing out there.
Her friend told me that she said that she keeps having this urge to call the funeral home and ask if she can have a refund--just in case--because she keeps thinking he's going to walk back in the door any minute. Why do people have to suffer this? I just can't come up with ANYTHING that could possibly be so important in God's plan that he had to take a husband and father of 3. I just can't understand.
I always thought that we were caught off guard by the deaths in the unit--especially when they were married or had kids. It seemed to me that we were shocked. But, I think that we must have been always waiting for it a little bit. Maybe we were holding our breath without knowing it, because this is TOTALLY shocking. I didn't know this family, but it has completely knocked me out of my comfort zone. Even more than when I knew the soldiers that died or their families.
I realize that civilian people die everyday. Maybe it wouldn't have been such a huge shock if he had been in a car accident. Or even shot--sadly, that seems relatively common these days. But the idea that he was with his buddies, doing something he loved--and now he's just gone. It is just too much to comprehend.
I don't think that their grief will be any more than or less than that of a soldier's family. When you have that much of your world and your heart ripped out at one time--the pain is an unmeasureable level anyway so there wouldn't be a way to compare, but I don't know how civilian people manage. They don't have the built in "systems" for managing all the affairs. They don't have anyone to help them.
This lady has 3 small kids--ages 8, 5, and 2. And she gets EXACTLY one week off of work. Her company allows 1 freakin' week of "bereavement leave." It makes me want to be sick to think of her having to go back to work--worrying about her kids, grieving for her husband. . .I can't imagine.
I don't think it is possible to "imagine" the pain of losing your spouse. And I can't imagine having to watch your child suffer that grief. I just can't imagine that poor little second grader. His sisters are really too little to comprehend. . .but he gets it. He's his daddy's only little boy. . .he knows what death means but he can't possibly wrap his mind around the full impact of it.
I truly don't understand the way God works sometimes. It is very hard to hold on to faith in the face of something like this. I suppose she can reassure herself that he was doing something that he loved in his final moments. . .but I doubt that is much comfort. What on earth can possibly be done to support her?
As I said, I don't know them, so I can't help much, other than to pray. I've offered to babysit during the service if she doesn't want to take the kids. They are taking restaurant gift card donations to give to the family, so we'll contribute to that. I hate feeling this helpless. If there was something I could do to make her feel better, I would charge in to her house, uninvited and do it. . .but there's just nothing out there.
Her friend told me that she said that she keeps having this urge to call the funeral home and ask if she can have a refund--just in case--because she keeps thinking he's going to walk back in the door any minute. Why do people have to suffer this? I just can't come up with ANYTHING that could possibly be so important in God's plan that he had to take a husband and father of 3. I just can't understand.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I Wanna Go Home
Sometimes I feel like screaming "I wanna go home!" I don't know why. That doesn't even really MEAN anything to me anymore. I have lived outside of Texas for 11 years now. It isn't my "home." But, neither is anywhere else. I have become one of those army people. . .
I have had a great weekend. My birthday was fun. I got great presents and lots of emails from friends. My anniversary was also fun, and exactly what I wanted. It is even being "extended" because my gift to S. was a cooking class that we are going to on Wednesday.
There is not really any reason for me to feel sad, other than that it is Sunday--and I have yet to make it through an entire Sunday without crying--ever in my life.
So, that thought just keeps running through my head. "I wanna go home!" It means nothing, and it means a lot of stuff. I was in Texas a few days ago, and it made me homesick. The visit with the McC's made me homesick. Reading my friends' blogs makes me homesick. I guess that the saying "home is where the army sends you" isn't really true, because the army sent me here. I guess it is more true to say "home is where the heart is" because my heart is spread all over everywhere with the people that I love.
The biggest part of it is here with my fabulous four boys--but I sure miss the other parts. . .
I have had a great weekend. My birthday was fun. I got great presents and lots of emails from friends. My anniversary was also fun, and exactly what I wanted. It is even being "extended" because my gift to S. was a cooking class that we are going to on Wednesday.
There is not really any reason for me to feel sad, other than that it is Sunday--and I have yet to make it through an entire Sunday without crying--ever in my life.
So, that thought just keeps running through my head. "I wanna go home!" It means nothing, and it means a lot of stuff. I was in Texas a few days ago, and it made me homesick. The visit with the McC's made me homesick. Reading my friends' blogs makes me homesick. I guess that the saying "home is where the army sends you" isn't really true, because the army sent me here. I guess it is more true to say "home is where the heart is" because my heart is spread all over everywhere with the people that I love.
The biggest part of it is here with my fabulous four boys--but I sure miss the other parts. . .
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Reunions
One nice thing about Army life is that even though you have to move away from friends, you often get a chance to see them again. Sometimes you are lucky enough to get stationed together, and sometimes, just catching up over a vacation or a lunch date. . .
(LOVE the Tshirt on J--it is just too perfect for this kid!!)
Also, they are fantastic parents. I love the thought and energy they put into their kids, and yet they are still realistic. Their is no fake idealism. They have frustrations and fears and bragging rights just like I do, and it is SO GREAT to have someone that I know I can talk about kid issues, husband issues, weight issues, family issues, house issues, army issues, lambrusco issues, etc. with. Truly. . .it makes my life better having them a part of it. That simply says it! (I used to tell S all the time that the only reason we didn't get divorced in Germany was that SMc lived next door. I could rant and rave to her and she would analyze, sympathize, and commiserate with me, so by the time he got home or I talked to him, I just wanted to scream at him instead of kill him!!--Now that's a good friend!)
Over the last month and a half, we've had the opportunity for 4 reunions! It has been the greatest gift to me. I love it.
First, in March, the L. family came to California for their spring break. They are stationed on the east coast, so it was quite a trip for them. We lived down the road from them in Vilseck, and I learned so many life lessons from all of them. The two older boys were 3 and 1 year older than N. (so they were 6 and 4 when we moved there). I was pregnant and tired (and sad about the upcoming deployment) and about a week after we moved in, S. took N. up to the playground behind the house. They met a little boy and his dad on the swings. I walked up and introduced myself and learned that they lived about 4 houses down from us.
A few minutes later, the mom got home from the commissary. She looked up at the playground and said to her husband "Come help!" That was it. I was even sadder, because no one in the neighborhood had even said hello, so I was hoping this nice man would have a nice wife who could become my friend. That didn't look possible now.
For the next 3 or 4 days (S of course was in the field) every morning, N. would say "Mom, I'm going down to A's house." I couldn't let him go alone, he was only three, and I didn't want to look stupid showing up at a stranger's house. Besides, shouldn't SHE come visit ME? I was the new one!
Finally, one day N. said "Mom, I'm going to A's house. You can come if you want." and before I could say anything--he was off. I followed, thinking I'd come up with some way of blaming it all on him!!! Anyway--when we got down there the boys were playing outside, and N just joined right in (one of the many talents of army kids!) I knocked on the door just so she wouldn't think some crazy lady was hanging out in her driveway.
When C came to the door, I introduced myself--and we talked for about 3 hours! Turned out that she had only been there for about 3 weeks, and had recieved as "warm" a welcome as I had! I loved her right away, and still get tears in my eyes thinking of how much I owe to my 3 year old son for that day. He taught me to look outside myself--and more importantly, that sometimes you have to make your own happiness instead of waiting for it to find you.
C taught me to cook, gossiped with me about neighbors, and gave me lots of "older army wife" advice. She helped me through the whole pregnancy during deployment, and each day created a plan for what to do if I went into labor that day (did I ever post the story I submitted to Chicken Soup?? It didn't get picked up, but it was a good story. . .) Anyway--our kids shared birthday parties, our husbands traded off deployments so frequently that they didn't see each other for 2 years, and we are lifelong friends. I love them so much . . .
Now, those boys are 12 and 10 AND there is another one. . .something else we have in common--mothers of 3 boys. WE can go 6 months without talking and years without seeing each other, and still pick right up where we left off!!
When we went up to see them at the cabins at Camp Pendleton, we were just planning to be there for dinner that night. When it was time to go, N and A got HUGE tears in their eyes. I remembered reading something about raising "army brats." One of the things it said was "6 hours is NOT too far to drive for a playdate. Friends are important, even when you are 8 years old." So, I told N he could spend the night.
He was SHOCKED! He couldn't believe I was going to let him skip school and that he got to stay a whole extra day! I told him that as a family, we ALL serve in the military a little bit, and that sometimes you get a special reward for doing your part in the sacrifice. . .it was totally worth it to see them have so much fun. . .
It may be years before we see them again, but I know we will always love each other.
Then, a few weeks later, I got an email from the F's. They were coming to California for a convention, and we got together for lunch.
N and their daughter, A were in kindergarten together and had a special closeness. We were all going through a lot of similar things those last months in Germany, and our families are pretty similar. It was nice to have friends to go to dinner with and be able to talk about all the craziness in the unit, and have them kljnow just what we were talking about!!
Unfortunately, the kids didn't get to come, but it was great to see P and R. It was funny to talk about different things and see that we STILL see things pretty much the same way! S. was out of town, so when he called me on my cell, I tried to get P to answer and pretend he was some random guy, but he couldn't do it without laughing! They actually stayed on the phone for about 20 minutes!
I didn't think to take any pictures, but it was a really cool thing to see them. I think civilian people don't often think about creating ways to get together like Army friends do. We are forced so frequently to rely on our friends instead of our families. And, we pay special attention to the fact that our time together is limited--even from the first moment we move somewhere. I love when I am able to maintain those kinds of relationships!
And finally, in the middle of April--a McFamily reunion!!!!! I so terribly needed some time with them! The kids just had a blast! 
They wore themselves out playing, and never really had a cross word (that's saying something when you've got 9 people in 1 house for almost a week!!) It was also good for me to go visit there. It wasn't anything like I thought, so I could move that post off of the "No Way" list and put it on the "I'll Consider It" list for the next duty station. Of course, I REALLY don't want to go there if they aren't there, but I think that G and S can work together and make that happen. . .
They wore themselves out playing, and never really had a cross word (that's saying something when you've got 9 people in 1 house for almost a week!!) It was also good for me to go visit there. It wasn't anything like I thought, so I could move that post off of the "No Way" list and put it on the "I'll Consider It" list for the next duty station. Of course, I REALLY don't want to go there if they aren't there, but I think that G and S can work together and make that happen. . .One day, the guys took the kids to play in the snow, 
and the sister and I got to just hang out and talk. We got to do that while everyone else was around too, but you know how conversations can get sidetracked when kids and husbands are around!!! I literally had a list of things I had been waiting to talk over with her. 
Sometimes, even a phone call just doesn't do it. I need to really talk stuff out. And, SMc (to differentiate between the husband who is "S") is the perfect person to do that with. If I tell her about a problem, she'll frequently say "Let me give that some thought." A lot of people say that, but she is serious. A few days later she'll say "I've been thinking about it, and . . ." and then she comes up with some truly inspired answer that seems like it should have been obvious all along!
and the sister and I got to just hang out and talk. We got to do that while everyone else was around too, but you know how conversations can get sidetracked when kids and husbands are around!!! I literally had a list of things I had been waiting to talk over with her. Sometimes, even a phone call just doesn't do it. I need to really talk stuff out. And, SMc (to differentiate between the husband who is "S") is the perfect person to do that with. If I tell her about a problem, she'll frequently say "Let me give that some thought." A lot of people say that, but she is serious. A few days later she'll say "I've been thinking about it, and . . ." and then she comes up with some truly inspired answer that seems like it should have been obvious all along! (LOVE the Tshirt on J--it is just too perfect for this kid!!) Also, they are fantastic parents. I love the thought and energy they put into their kids, and yet they are still realistic. Their is no fake idealism. They have frustrations and fears and bragging rights just like I do, and it is SO GREAT to have someone that I know I can talk about kid issues, husband issues, weight issues, family issues, house issues, army issues, lambrusco issues, etc. with. Truly. . .it makes my life better having them a part of it. That simply says it! (I used to tell S all the time that the only reason we didn't get divorced in Germany was that SMc lived next door. I could rant and rave to her and she would analyze, sympathize, and commiserate with me, so by the time he got home or I talked to him, I just wanted to scream at him instead of kill him!!--Now that's a good friend!)We WILL live near them again in the future. I just know it. Even God was in on it. He made the weather absolutely perfect the entire time we were there. As if to say, "Come on. You'd love to live here in Pleasantville. All those stories about year round bad weather are just rumors we started to keep everyone away!!" 
While we were there, we also had a reunion within a reunion. We all had dinner at the B family's house. We were stationed with them in Heidelberg, and haven't seen them in 6 years. We keep in touch, and S has seen them when he's been around for work, but I haven't. Our oldest boys are the same age. Then she had a baby boy. Then I had a baby boy. Then she sent me another birth announcement with the third boy, with a note on the envelope that said "Tag! Your turn!" And, just a couple months later--I found out that J was on the way!! So--they are the ones who jinxed me. But, we love them anyway.
She is active duty, and currently deployed to Iraq, but he is home with the kids. Supposedly, he works, and was in fact, going on a trip for a week the day after we saw him. Grandma was there to keep the kids. But, for the most part, he seems to be the greatest dad out there. He takes the kids to school, works a few hours, volunteers at the school, and then comes home and does all the extracurricular stuff! He's a cool guy. Scotch and cigars or sewing machine and gardening--he does all of it!!
So, that's my wrap up of the last couple of months of reunions with my army friends/family. I couldn't live without them (and my life wouldn't be worth it if I could!) I love all of you guys--and if I haven't had a reunion with you lately--my time living in paradise is dwindling. . .you really should consider checking out our guestroom while you still have the opportunity!!
Monday, April 07, 2008
Playing the Odds
I'm not a risk taker. I don't break rules (other than occasional speeding) and I don't gamble. Every time we go to Vegas I always say I'm going to play, and then I put one quarter into a slot machine--it's gone, and I'm done.
So. . .here's the thing. You can call me crazy, overly dramatic, paranoid, or just plain stupid--quite frankly, I don't care.
Last Friday, the middle school RIGHT NEXT DOOR to my kids' elementary school had a threat written on the bathroom wall. It said "Gonna kill you all 3/31." That would be the following Monday. We got a Connect-Ed message (a recording from the principal that calls you and plays to you or your answering machine and also sends you an email.) They said that they were investigating, they didn't believe it to be serious, there would be a police presence at the school--blah blah blah.
I did not send my boys to school that day. Nothing happened, and that's great. BUT--if something had happened, here were my issues:
1. The school is right next door. If a kid had come to school with a gun and seen all the cops, he might have just decided to go into the elementary school instead.
2. If he had gone into the middle school, the police are great, but they can't do anything until there is something to respond to. Meaning, even if they are RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and he only gets to fire one shot. . .that one bullet is just as deadly as any other. If you're the unlucky fella to be in the way of the one bullet--bad news for you. (By the way, I'm saying "he" and "him" because it was written in the boys' bathroom.)
3. If they chased him, where's he gonna run? Out the back door. Where does that lead? To the ramp that goes straight down into the elementary school. And who's classrooms are on either side of that ramp? R and N's.
4. Finally, I am quite aware that it is a 99% chance that the threat was written by some kid trying to get out of a test. But, that still leaves that 1%. And, if someone said "I'm gonna line 100 kids up against a wall. Then, I might shoot one of them." That's only a 1% chance. Whether they are really going to do it or not--I'm not letting my kids be in that line of kids.
5. In all the cases where something has actually happened, people always say "Why didn't anyone see the signs? He was doing A, B, and C--someone should have known this was coming."
So, on Friday, they found a similar threat on the outside wall of the ELEMENTARY school!!! They called out a Connect-Ed message at 10:45. They said they had done a "thorough investigation and did not believe that it was a credible threat." Ok--I have MANY problems with this.
First, by 10:45 the kids have only been at the school for 2 hours. By the time the message was sent out, they had already told the kids they were on "rainy day recess schedule" so they couldn't go outside (they told them it was because of a beehive) and told the teachers that they were actually on lockdown. They had taken around printed notes to the teachers that said that they were calling the parents and that many may come get their kids. They had to have had time to have FOUND the writing. All of that had to have taken at least 30 minutes--so how "comprehensive" could the investigation have been if it was completed in an hour and a half?
Second problem, I did notice that there was a police car at the school when I dropped the boys off. I assumed it was because they were still increasing presence from Monday, and there is often a cop there to help with traffic in the mornings. Was he actually there because they had already found the message? And if so, why would they let us bring the kids TO THE SCHOOL AND LEAVE THEM without saying anything?????????
Finally, I don't like the wording "not a credible threat." We're talking about a threat against my kid. We're talking about something obviously placed by a kid. Children are NOTORIOUS for not doing what you expect they will do. . .and finally ALL THREATS ARE CREDIBLE WHEN THEY ARE AGAINST MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took my kids out of school right then. For one thing, I was going to visit friends from Germany who were here for a conference, so I was going to be about 30 minutes away. I couldn't be that far with something like that in the back of my mind. But, I would have taken them anyway. I don't care if it is 99.99% safe. . .I don't play odds. Especially with my kids. And, if it happens again, I'll take them out again. And again. And again. The last thing I need is for this to become so commonplace that everyone stops taking it seriously, and then it will be the perfect opportunity for something bad to happen!
I really think that if this was the same child writing both messages, he or she is desperate for attention and someone needs to give it to them before they have a gun instead of a marker in their hands. If I were the administration of the schools, I would scare the crap out of them and tell them I was getting a handwriting expert to compare the writing to everyone's most recent essay. Even if I couldn't really do that--kids don't know what resources adults actually have. . .it would probably be enough to make them think harder next time. Unfortunately, I think that if it is really going to happen. . .they aren't going to write it down first. . .
So. . .here's the thing. You can call me crazy, overly dramatic, paranoid, or just plain stupid--quite frankly, I don't care.
Last Friday, the middle school RIGHT NEXT DOOR to my kids' elementary school had a threat written on the bathroom wall. It said "Gonna kill you all 3/31." That would be the following Monday. We got a Connect-Ed message (a recording from the principal that calls you and plays to you or your answering machine and also sends you an email.) They said that they were investigating, they didn't believe it to be serious, there would be a police presence at the school--blah blah blah.
I did not send my boys to school that day. Nothing happened, and that's great. BUT--if something had happened, here were my issues:
1. The school is right next door. If a kid had come to school with a gun and seen all the cops, he might have just decided to go into the elementary school instead.
2. If he had gone into the middle school, the police are great, but they can't do anything until there is something to respond to. Meaning, even if they are RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and he only gets to fire one shot. . .that one bullet is just as deadly as any other. If you're the unlucky fella to be in the way of the one bullet--bad news for you. (By the way, I'm saying "he" and "him" because it was written in the boys' bathroom.)
3. If they chased him, where's he gonna run? Out the back door. Where does that lead? To the ramp that goes straight down into the elementary school. And who's classrooms are on either side of that ramp? R and N's.
4. Finally, I am quite aware that it is a 99% chance that the threat was written by some kid trying to get out of a test. But, that still leaves that 1%. And, if someone said "I'm gonna line 100 kids up against a wall. Then, I might shoot one of them." That's only a 1% chance. Whether they are really going to do it or not--I'm not letting my kids be in that line of kids.
5. In all the cases where something has actually happened, people always say "Why didn't anyone see the signs? He was doing A, B, and C--someone should have known this was coming."
So, on Friday, they found a similar threat on the outside wall of the ELEMENTARY school!!! They called out a Connect-Ed message at 10:45. They said they had done a "thorough investigation and did not believe that it was a credible threat." Ok--I have MANY problems with this.
First, by 10:45 the kids have only been at the school for 2 hours. By the time the message was sent out, they had already told the kids they were on "rainy day recess schedule" so they couldn't go outside (they told them it was because of a beehive) and told the teachers that they were actually on lockdown. They had taken around printed notes to the teachers that said that they were calling the parents and that many may come get their kids. They had to have had time to have FOUND the writing. All of that had to have taken at least 30 minutes--so how "comprehensive" could the investigation have been if it was completed in an hour and a half?
Second problem, I did notice that there was a police car at the school when I dropped the boys off. I assumed it was because they were still increasing presence from Monday, and there is often a cop there to help with traffic in the mornings. Was he actually there because they had already found the message? And if so, why would they let us bring the kids TO THE SCHOOL AND LEAVE THEM without saying anything?????????
Finally, I don't like the wording "not a credible threat." We're talking about a threat against my kid. We're talking about something obviously placed by a kid. Children are NOTORIOUS for not doing what you expect they will do. . .and finally ALL THREATS ARE CREDIBLE WHEN THEY ARE AGAINST MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took my kids out of school right then. For one thing, I was going to visit friends from Germany who were here for a conference, so I was going to be about 30 minutes away. I couldn't be that far with something like that in the back of my mind. But, I would have taken them anyway. I don't care if it is 99.99% safe. . .I don't play odds. Especially with my kids. And, if it happens again, I'll take them out again. And again. And again. The last thing I need is for this to become so commonplace that everyone stops taking it seriously, and then it will be the perfect opportunity for something bad to happen!
I really think that if this was the same child writing both messages, he or she is desperate for attention and someone needs to give it to them before they have a gun instead of a marker in their hands. If I were the administration of the schools, I would scare the crap out of them and tell them I was getting a handwriting expert to compare the writing to everyone's most recent essay. Even if I couldn't really do that--kids don't know what resources adults actually have. . .it would probably be enough to make them think harder next time. Unfortunately, I think that if it is really going to happen. . .they aren't going to write it down first. . .
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Too Much Time
Sometimes when S. is out of town, all I do is sleep--and sometimes I can't sleep at all. This seems to be one of those times. I have sent the most random emails, searched craigslist for everything out there, and all kinds of stuff. Of course, there are tons of stuff that I NEED to get done, but those I avoid. I mainly look for ways to keep myself busy on the computer, because it is in my room, and I figure that it will eventually make me tired staring at the screen.
So, here's this moment's random thought: The kids and I were talking about favorite books. I can remember lots of books from childhood (preschool age my favorite was Pokey Little Puppy!). But, there are from when I was in kindergarten or so, that I CANNOT remember the name. I'm hoping maybe you do. . .
I actually found some info about one of the ones I remember "A Penny for Candy." It was actually printed in the 40s, so all I found was one website that someone else remembered it too. Nowhere to buy a copy. . .
I also found a "Stump the Bookseller" website where someone will search for you for $2 per book , but figured it wasn't worth it. These were those little books they used to keep on the roundabouts at the front of grocery stores before there were candy racks there! My brother and I used to get one if we had been good in the store. They were like 15 cents or something. Anyway, this is the info about the two I can't remember.
Here was the idea. The main character was a bear. I can't remember if his friends were all bears or lots of different animals. His parents went out to a halloween party and he didn't get to go. He had a party too, and everyone brought popcorn. They popped all of it, and it filled up the house. Then they all ate it to clean up. Then when the parents came home, they brought him a bag of popcorn. Ring any bells?
Second one-a little girl moves to a new neighborhood. As she walks to school she hears on the other side of a fence a GIANT DOG barking. It is really scary, and she runs past. All year she hears it, and she draws pictures at school of giant dogs. It goes through the year of her drawing a big dog with a leaf on his head in the fall, etc. Then, one day, the gate is open. She's scared to death and then the dog sticks his head out and he is tiny. She's not scared anymore and she draws pictures of little dogs.
Wow--I was easily entertained as a kid, I guess!
(See. . .I told you . . .random thoughts!!)
So, here's this moment's random thought: The kids and I were talking about favorite books. I can remember lots of books from childhood (preschool age my favorite was Pokey Little Puppy!). But, there are from when I was in kindergarten or so, that I CANNOT remember the name. I'm hoping maybe you do. . .
I actually found some info about one of the ones I remember "A Penny for Candy." It was actually printed in the 40s, so all I found was one website that someone else remembered it too. Nowhere to buy a copy. . .
I also found a "Stump the Bookseller" website where someone will search for you for $2 per book , but figured it wasn't worth it. These were those little books they used to keep on the roundabouts at the front of grocery stores before there were candy racks there! My brother and I used to get one if we had been good in the store. They were like 15 cents or something. Anyway, this is the info about the two I can't remember.
Here was the idea. The main character was a bear. I can't remember if his friends were all bears or lots of different animals. His parents went out to a halloween party and he didn't get to go. He had a party too, and everyone brought popcorn. They popped all of it, and it filled up the house. Then they all ate it to clean up. Then when the parents came home, they brought him a bag of popcorn. Ring any bells?
Second one-a little girl moves to a new neighborhood. As she walks to school she hears on the other side of a fence a GIANT DOG barking. It is really scary, and she runs past. All year she hears it, and she draws pictures at school of giant dogs. It goes through the year of her drawing a big dog with a leaf on his head in the fall, etc. Then, one day, the gate is open. She's scared to death and then the dog sticks his head out and he is tiny. She's not scared anymore and she draws pictures of little dogs.
Wow--I was easily entertained as a kid, I guess!
(See. . .I told you . . .random thoughts!!)
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Is Something Wrong With My Blog?
If you read my blog, could you please leave me a quick note and let me know if it looks weird to you? For some reason, when I view it, all the words are different sizes and the lines are different amounts of space from each other. I can't figure it out. I have a couple of friends who use the same format, and theirs don't look weird to me, so I am wondering if it is just because it is my own (even though that seems stupid!)
Tell me what you think. In the post below about the kids, the font seems fine in the first paragraph, but as you go further down, the words seem all squished and tiny. Maybe I just need more sleep. . .
Tell me what you think. In the post below about the kids, the font seems fine in the first paragraph, but as you go further down, the words seem all squished and tiny. Maybe I just need more sleep. . .
Whose Kids are These??
Something has happened and all of my children have been possessed by other spirits! I'm not kidding! First--N. Actually, his differences are merely physical. His hand is the same size as mine. His feet are only 1/2 size smaller than mine--keeping in mind, he is just about to turn 9 years old! How big is this kid going to be? He can eat WAY more than me if he is really hungry (and believe me--that takes some WORK to eat more than me!!) Plus, you know how the oldest child always seems so "old?" I am always saying "There is no baby left to him." But, this time it's true. Look at the difference between last year and this year's baseball pictures. . .Good Grief! (And it is QUITE a nice picture this year, don't you think?) Don't you love how you can just brag and brag on a blog more than you would dare in person?? ha ha ha!!
Then, there is sweet little R. The kid who has played 2 full seasons of soccer and never scored a goal. He barely pays attention to the game. Well, he is playing spring soccer--and guess what! In the first game, he scored! It was KIND OF an accident, he happened to be in the right spot and knock the ball in, but still--his confidence soared! THEN--second game. Opening play, the "ref" dropped the ball into the middle of the circle. A kid on the other team kicked the ball and it went straight to R--he dribbled around everyone, to the goal and scored!! Opening play! Woohoo!!
But, it gets better! Later in the game, I literally saw him figure out what "aggressive" means. They all stay bunched up at this age, so everyone was down at the end for the other team to score (I forget if that is considered "our" goal or "their" goal). R stole the ball, really and truly stole it, dribbled all the way down the field-and no one could catch him (he actually is very fast and a good ball handler, just usually kinda timid). About halfway down the field he got this "growl" look on his face, and FLEW down and scored again. It was amazing!
Then, there is sweet little R. The kid who has played 2 full seasons of soccer and never scored a goal. He barely pays attention to the game. Well, he is playing spring soccer--and guess what! In the first game, he scored! It was KIND OF an accident, he happened to be in the right spot and knock the ball in, but still--his confidence soared! THEN--second game. Opening play, the "ref" dropped the ball into the middle of the circle. A kid on the other team kicked the ball and it went straight to R--he dribbled around everyone, to the goal and scored!! Opening play! Woohoo!!But, it gets better! Later in the game, I literally saw him figure out what "aggressive" means. They all stay bunched up at this age, so everyone was down at the end for the other team to score (I forget if that is considered "our" goal or "their" goal). R stole the ball, really and truly stole it, dribbled all the way down the field-and no one could catch him (he actually is very fast and a good ball handler, just usually kinda timid). About halfway down the field he got this "growl" look on his face, and FLEW down and scored again. It was amazing!
And finally, J. What the heck? He truly lives up to his nickname "hurricane!" He tears things up, makes messes, etc. Constantly filthy dirty, blah blah blah. He is so sick of sitting and watching the big boys at their games, that we decided to sign him up for "smart start" soccer. He is very naturally athletic, strong, and coordinated. He loves to play with the big kids. Guess what happens when he is around kids his age? He melts down completely! He cries, he won't go on the field unless I hold his hand, he won't even look at the coach--and that is just in practice. At games, he starts freaking out before we even get out of the car! It is the weirdest thing. So out of character. I can't even get a picture of him playing, because for the most part, he won't play, and when he does, I have to be attached to him, so I can't push the button!! 
I don't have any idea who these people are!!
Ideas
As you may or may not know, California is looking at some SERIOUS budget cuts for the education system. 7 of our school's teachers got pink slips a few weeks ago. They aren't guaranteed to lose their jobs--yet. The budget has to be approved in June first. This is going on all over the state, and it will have far reaching effects. . .over 40 kids in each classroom with one teacher, cuts to AP, athletic, music, art, etc programs--on and on and on. We are trying to come up with ways to make sure the legislators know that we don't approve. Most stuff in CA I don't get to have an opinion on, since we are registered to vote in a different state, but education is different. The school district and state get paid money based on the number of military kids here. . .even if we don't pay state income tax etc. So, for this, I get to have a voice. Some kids at one of the high schools organized a 12K for K-12 walk last weekend that was a big deal. A bunch of people wear pink on Fridays to show support for the teachers (of course they are the young energetic ones that everyone loves--that don't have tenure so are first on the chopping block).
Anyway--I was just wondering if anyone has suggestions for ways to make a big stink about this. Today my friend hosted a phone call party where they had a script and all the phone numbers for our area assembly reps and everyone called. . .other ideas??
Anyway--I was just wondering if anyone has suggestions for ways to make a big stink about this. Today my friend hosted a phone call party where they had a script and all the phone numbers for our area assembly reps and everyone called. . .other ideas??
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Motivational Posters
S. sent me a power point (of course--it is the army you know!) presentation of a bunch of "motivation posters." Some of them are hilarious! Some of them are just good. These are my favorite pictures and my favorite quotes. . .
U.S. ARMY--
Not on My Watch
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy Psalms 61:3
Not on My Watch
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy Psalms 61:3
Patriotic dissent is a luxury of those protected by men greater than they
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Easter
We had a great day! The boys got up and found really cool easter baskets waiting on them downstairs. The easter bunny outdid himself this year, and everyone was excited to find all the goodies in the baskets. 
He also hid the eggs that the kids decorated last night, and we had quite a tough time locating the final egg! Daddy came through and found it when we got back from church! 
He also hid the eggs that the kids decorated last night, and we had quite a tough time locating the final egg! Daddy came through and found it when we got back from church! After we went to church we went to hang out at our dear friends' house. It was 78 degrees and beautiful here in paradise, so the kids spent the afternoon in the pool! I bought some chairs for the breakfast room (or whatever it is called) on Craigslist--my favorite thing ever--and went and got them this evening. (All of the ones you can see in the top picture are now garbage!) Then we spent some time working on the front yard. A very nice day! We hope that all of you had a wonderful day as well!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Frustrating!
I have been trying to figure out a way to get this song on my blog. I thought I had figured it out--but it didn't work the way I planned it. I had created this slide show to go with it, and even though it didn't work, I didn't want to delete the slideshow--so, you can see it at the very bottom of my blog.
I did find a different way to get the song on. It is a little off because the streaming can't quite keep up, but it is still such an awesome song. . .I love it. Keep in mind as you listen that my N boy is 8 years old. . .(tears!)
I did find a different way to get the song on. It is a little off because the streaming can't quite keep up, but it is still such an awesome song. . .I love it. Keep in mind as you listen that my N boy is 8 years old. . .(tears!)
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